What happens when your childhood dream becomes your worst nightmare?

In this raw, emotional conversation, Finnish tennis star Emil Ruusuvuori opens up about his four-year battle with panic attacks, burnout, and depression — including breaking down during matches and questioning the meaning of life. From rising through the ranks to cracking the Top 50, to walking away from the sport he once loved, Emil shares what no press conference ever showed.

Best Moments:

[00:04:35 ] “I just couldn’t breathe… My body shut down”

[00:08:20 ] “I didn’t care anymore if I won or lost”

[00:11:45 ] “Life didn’t matter at that point”

[00:17:10 ] “You lose your identity when you stop playing”

[00:23:40 ] “Everyone says you’re living the dream… but it felt like hell”

[00:30:15 ] “I started therapy—and finally, I could breathe”

[00:37:05 ] “I had to re-learn who I am without tennis”

[00:41:50 ] “We’re not machines… even if we’re ranked Top 50”

[00:48:25 ] “Now I’m building something new. For the first time, I feel excited.”

[00:53:40 ] “If this helps even one person, I’m glad I shared it.”

This is not just a sports episode. It’s a story about mental health, identity, and what it means to be enough.

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