This week on Idiot of the Week, the foolishness is so strong, we’re checking the skies for locusts and fireballs—because clearly, the end times are trying to RSVP.

First up, Pennsylvania Walmart said “no thanks” to a man and his emotional support alligator. Yes, an alligator. Sir, this is not a swamp, it’s a store. And no, we don’t want to pet your reptile while picking up paper towels.

Then we head to Florida—because of course we do—where a lawyer’s pants literally caught on fire during a trial defending an alleged arsonist. We don’t know if it was karma, irony, or divine comedy, but it was definitely stupid.

Next, a drug-sniffing dog visiting a middle school found cocaine in a teacher’s wallet. That’s right—while the kids were learning fractions, Ms. Cocaine was carrying controlled substances like it was a field trip souvenir.

And finally, we ask the question on everyone’s mind: did we just miss the Rapture? Because between the gators, the flames, and the powdered wallets, it’s giving Book of Revelations energy.

Tune in, because stupidity never sleeps—and Idiot of the Week is always watching.

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