When the kids are grown and the house is quieter, the way couples talk to each other starts to matter in new ways. Some patterns get easier. Others get harder to ignore.

In this episode of The Loud Quiet, we’re joined by marriage counselor and author Raffi Bilek for a practical, honest conversation about communication, conflict, and what actually helps couples stay connected during the empty nest years. We talk about why avoiding conflict doesn’t equal good communication, why solving the problem too fast often backfires, and how couples can stay on the same team even when they don’t agree.

Raffi shares insights from years of counseling couples… including why it’s okay to pause a conversation, why “don’t go to bed angry” isn’t always great advice, and how focusing on impact instead of who’s right can change everything. This conversation is especially relevant for couples navigating adult kids, retirement, aging parents, and spending more time together than ever before.

Guest links:

The Couples Communication Handbook (Amazon affiliate link)
https://amzn.to/48QJJps

The Couples Communication book website
https://www.thecommunicationbook.com/

Baltimore Therapy Center
https://www.baltimoretherapycenter.com/

CHAPTERS
0:00 Intro and a quick health PSA
1:20 Meet Raffi Bilek
3:10 Reconnecting after years of focusing on kids
4:50 When adult kids still cause conflict
7:10 Explore first, solve later
9:55 Is conflict actually bad for a marriage?
12:10 Feeling uncomfortable expressing anger
14:05 Generational shifts in communication
16:30 Why “don’t go to bed angry” doesn’t always help
19:00 When agreement isn’t possible
20:45 Focusing on impact instead of facts
23:05 Common conflict topics couples face
25:10 Retirement and being together 24/7
28:00 One communication skill that matters most
29:30 Where to find Raffi and his work

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Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed are those of the hosts and guests and should not be taken as legal, financial, or professional advice. Always consult with a qualified attorney, financial advisor, or other professional regarding your specific situation. The opinions expressed by guests are solely theirs and do not necessarily represent the views or positions of the host(s).