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For so many Black women, we were taught, directly or indirectly, that our safety depended on keeping the peace, reading the room, and staying small. Our mothers, often emotionally unavailable and burdened by their own unhealed wounds, became the main characters of our lives. Their moods dictated our choices. Their validation determined our worth. And even as adults, many of us continue to live stories where we play supporting roles in someone else’s narrative.

But it’s time to change the script.

Main character energy isn’t about arrogance or self-absorption, it’s about reclaiming authorship over your own story. It’s remembering that you are not a prop in someone else’s life, nor a sidekick meant to highlight another person’s shine. You are the heroine of your own journey, and that role comes with authority, autonomy, and unapologetic self-trust.

You can’t wait for permission. You can’t wait for the world to hand you the spotlight. You were born with it. So step into the center. It’s your story. It always has been.

In this episode, I’ll talk about what it truly means to step into your main-character energy, especially for those of us who grew up centering everyone but ourselves. When you’ve been conditioned to make your mother, your partner, your friends, or even your job the main character in your story, reclaiming your own spotlight can feel foreign, even wrong. But it’s time to rewrite that script. We’ll unpack how shame, guilt, and the need for approval keep you playing the sidekick in your own life, and how expression, autonomy, and community help you take your rightful place at the center. 

Topics Covered:

(00:00:00 ) Episode Snippet

(00:00:16 ) Welcome to The Black Mother Wound Podcast

(00:01:52 ) The Main Character Energy

(00:03:15 ) When your mother is the main character

(00:05:25 ) The cost of decentering yourself

(00:07:50 ) How Jennifer used to take on a “sidekick” role

(00:10:13 ) Defining main female character energy

(00:12:51 ) Letting go of shame

(00:14:04 ) Releasing guilt for wanting more

(00:22:41 ) Finding like-minded community

(00:25:11 ) Practicing main character energy

(00:27:02 ) End the Sidekick Energy

Key Takeaways:

“When we decenter ourselves and we’re not the main character in our own life story, it turns us into the victim.”

DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.

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