This week, we double down on anxiety and antiseptic wisdom.

Our narrator—still very much channeling the calm chaos of a post-enlightenment Burt Reynolds—reads Chapter 2: Germs and Genius and Chapter 3: The Hand Sanitizer Confessional from My Spirit Guide Is Howie Mandel: The Surprisingly Clean Path to Mental Clarity by Chris Palmore.

In Chapter 2, we explore why Howie Mandel—like it or not—is the perfect spirit guide for anyone who’s ever spiraled mid-snack. In Chapter 3, we pull up the therapy couch and confess the truth: sometimes healing looks like imagining a bald Canadian celebrity handing you Purell and telling you to get a Frosty.

It’s weird. It’s honest. It might just be the most emotionally supportive germaphobia you’ve ever experienced.

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