Greetings Friends, Family, and Others;

I’m sure many of you have the same question I ask myself every time I look into the mirror: “What the fuck happened to you?” Well… it’s complicated… and a whole lot. 

First, I’d like to apologize for falling off of the Earth. I am fighting a relentless battle, and I just couldn’t relate to anyone anymore. The mess in my head is not clearing, and I have all but completely lost hope that I will ever be myself ever again. What I have been through over the last four years has turned me into someone whom I don’t know or like very much. To say I’m struggling would be a gross understatement.

I know what you’re probably saying. “Jeez, Gary… You should get over it. It’s just a relationship. You’ll find love again. You’re better off without her.” I couldn’t agree with you more. Saying it, wanting it, hoping for it, however, doesn’t make it happen. I wish I could have just moved on, but the entirety of the situation’s big picture prevents me, and I ran out of ways to tell people that this is not a regular break-up. I got so exhausted just trying to explain to people where I am in my head, only to be cut off and told that what I’m feeling isn’t what I’m feeling.

What REALLY hurt was people telling me that “The boy isn’t [my] kid anyway.” I will NOT justify my relationship with a kid to whom I was the sole reliable and ever-present parent for the most developmentally important years of his life. That’s when I finally went silent. I couldn’t keep retelling the story over and over again to get people to understand what has happened to me. If you have not been in a relationship with a covert malignant narcissist, believe me, you DO NOT understand. But I will try to explain, or at least, sum up. 

In 2017, I left Shreveport to start a new life with --------. We lived in Iowa for three years, then we moved to Connecticut in 2020. During that time, I dedicated my entire existence to her, and to thank me for running the house and raising her kid AS MY OWN, she emotionally abused and tormented me every day. When she no longer needed me, she marooned me in a state I’d never even visited before I moved there, in the middle of a pandemic, with no means to support myself, no necessities to start a new life, in the throes of a complete emotional collapse, she did nothing she promised she would do, and everything she promised she wouldn’t. I was left with precisely nothing. In the years since, I have gained little else; lost even more. I’m at the precipice of complete personal, financial, and emotional collapse; and in dire need of assistance.

I’m scarcely a week from being homeless (no… really), I’m suffering from all kinds of mental disorders. I can’t get caught up with anything, much less ahead, because I was forced to start over SO behind. I have no friends. I have a shit job that pays shit (Connecticut is expensive). I hate literally every ounce of my existence. I know… this isn’t like me at all. “I love being me,” used to be a thing I said, because it was true at the time. Not so much these days. 

So what does a mentally ill, lonely, and financially destitute bitter old radio fuck do when they have nowhere else to go to beg for money in a classy way? By making a podcast, of course.

I present to you, The Gary is Still Alive Podcast!

This will answer many of the questions you might have. I do ask you to listen. It’s not just me bitching and crying. No. There’s entertainment, there’s songs, there’s bitching and crying, there’s me talking. What else do you need? 

I need help… in many areas… financially is where I need it most. Even if you can’t give; please listen, like, share, rate, and all that.

garyisstillalive.com

Sound FX: Pixabay⁠/dffdv, and Otto from Pixabay

Theme: Lyrics - G. Watson; Music - Suno AI

Transitions: Cartoon - SergeQuadrado from Pixabay

Songs: Entrance of the Gladiators - Julius Fučík - Public Domain; The Stripper - ©1967 David Rose; Smoke A Bowl With Jesus: ©2007 - G. Watson/G. Krepak