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Episode 23

Guest - Digby Ioane

On my next episode I sit down with Digby Ioane, a Brisbane-based father of two who spent four years navigating the family court system. Born in New Zealand and of Samoan heritage, Digby moved to Melbourne at age one. He grew up as the youngest of nine, five boys and four girls, in a family-oriented home. His parents later adopted six more children from Samoa, and their house was always full. If one of his older brothers met someone who was homeless or struggling, they would bring them home too. Later, while playing overseas, Digby moved to France to join Stade Français, where he met the mother of his first child. Their relationship began to break down shortly after his son’s birth. Digby had flown his baby mother and son to Melbourne so his son could spend time with his father, who was gravely ill. She left to France early for a job interview, and two days after she left with his son, his father passed away. Digby shared in the podcast that when he tried to express how much he was hurting, she told him to “Just get over it.” That moment, on top of losing the man he described as the family’s protector whose love was “on another level,” became a breaking point.

Shortly after his first relationship ended, Digby met his second partner, the mother of his second child. Throughout their relationship, she questioned how Digby managed to afford his properties and expenses. His sister, who handled his finances, had been diagnosed with cancer. His partner used this to convince him to let her “help” and eventually “take over” managing his finances. She pushed him to set up internet banking, something he had never used before, so she could pay bills and renovation invoices while he travelled for rugby and flew frequently to Melbourne to care for his dying sister. This is how she was able to access his accounts. When his sister passed away, Digby asked her to fly down for the funeral. She agreed but asked him to pay for her best friend’s flight as well. She came down but left before the burial, flying back to Brisbane with their son because he was “sick,” leaving Digby to mourn alone. Digby remained in Melbourne for two weeks to support his family. His 12-year-old nephew, also named Digby, asked if he could move to Brisbane to live with him, just as Digby had previously done for his nephew Monty Ioane, who is now an international rugby player for Italy. 

When he told his partner the plan, she “lost it” and gave him the ultimatum: “IT’S EITHER ME OR YOUR NEPHEW.” Digby refused to abandon his nephew and stood his ground. Consequently, she left, telling Digby that her father was sick and that she was going to Canberra to stay & look after him. All of a sudden, Police are calling Digby wanting to question him about a whole list of fabricated allegations his ex has made.During the proceedings, Digby discovered that his ex had been transferring $5,000 daily from his account into her own. When the transactions were traced, they showed she had used the money to pay off her personal credit card debt and had moved funds into multiple bank accounts she controlled. On the surface, it appeared she was “paying all the bills,” but the deposits funding those bills were coming directly from Digby’s income, rental properties, and the rugby clinics. Their relationship lasted only 20 months. She had moved into a fully paid-off house, contributed nothing to the mortgage, and the household was funded by his passive income and rugby work, yet she initially sought a “70/30 split.” Following years of emotional, financial and legal pressure, Digby’s friend advised him to make a final offer of $100,000 “so she’ll accept it and disappear.” Within five minutes of receiving the email, sh

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