Nat Update: it turns out they are fruit flies but idk where these little bastards came from. I discovered they love beer, which does endear them to me a little bit, but their reign must end. I'm gonna pick up some apple cider vinegar later, which is apparently like a poison apple for these mfs, and I'll get back to y'all on the results. 

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Sources: 

Kinky (definition): https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/kinky

Kinky (another definition): https://www.dictionary.com/browse/kinky

Kinky (another definition, again): https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/kinky

Kink: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kink_(sexuality)

Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diagnostic_and_Statistical_Manual_of_Mental_Disorders

Paraphilia: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paraphilia#cite_note-DSM-5,_intro-2

Overcoming the Anxiety of Vanilla Sex | Psychology Today: psychologytoday.com/us/blog/debunking-myths-the-mind/201009/overcoming-the-anxiety-vanilla-sex

Fetish (definition): https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/fetish

Pornhub Analytics (SFW): https://www.pornhub.com/insights/2020-election-week-searches

26 Kinks, Fetishes, and Terms You Should Absolutely Know: https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a24481923/kinks-fetish-list/

Hello, and a World of Kinks: https://eliade.livejournal.com/472331.html

Fetishistic Disorder: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/conditions/fetishistic-disorder

List of Paraphilias: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_paraphilias

The 10 Most Common Kinks: https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a33338854/kinks-fetish-list/

The Prevalence of Paraphilic Interests and Behaviors in the General Population: A Provincial Survey: https://www.researchgate.net/publication/289368254_The_Prevalence_of_Paraphilic_Interests_and_Behaviors_in_the_General_Population_A_Provincial_Survey