We welcome Miryam Kabakov to the podcast this week. Miryam is a national leader who has worked for more than three decades on the inclusion of LGTBQ+ individuals in the Orthodox world. She is Executive Director and ​co-founder of Eshel, @eshelonline, a national organization that supports LGBTQ+ Orthodox individuals and their families. Prior to being a leader at Eshel, Miryam was the New York and National Program Director of AVODAH: The Jewish Service Corps, Director of LGBT programming at the JCC Manhattan, Social Worker at West Side Federation for Senior and Supportive Housing, and was the first social worker at Footsteps.  She founded the New York Orthodykes, a support group for lesbian, bisexual and transgender Orthodox women, and is the editor of “Keep Your Wives Away From Them: Orthodox Women, Unorthodox Desires,” a collection of writings about the challenges and joys of LBT Orthodox Jews and winner of the Golden Crown Literary Award. In this conversation, Miryam shares her journey of growing up in a modern Orthodox community while grappling with her LGBTQ identity with Brian. She discusses the challenges of acceptance within her family and the broader Orthodox community, and how these experiences led her to found Eshel, an organization dedicated to supporting LGBTQ Jews. Miryam emphasizes the importance of community, rituals, and the ongoing work to create inclusive spaces within Orthodox Judaism. She also reflects on the evolving landscape of LGBTQ acceptance in religious contexts and the power of obligation and connection in fostering supportive environments.

Takeaways

• Miryam’s upbringing in a modern Orthodox community shaped her understanding of faith and queerness.


• The importance of community in navigating LGBTQ identity within Orthodox spaces.


• A-Shell was founded to create supportive environments for LGBTQ Jews and their families.


• Coming out is a continuous journey, especially in Orthodox contexts.


• Family acceptance can take time, but patience is key.


• Creating inclusive rituals is essential for LGBTQ individuals in Orthodox life.


• The future of queer Judaism holds hope for greater acceptance and understanding.


• Obligation to care for one another is a core value in Jewish tradition.


• Retreats provide a safe space for LGBTQ individuals to connect and share experiences.


• Communication and connection are vital for bridging gaps between communities.

Chapters

(04:38 ) Growing Up Orthodox and LGBTQ: A Personal Narrative

(08:58 ) The Formation of A-Shell: Building Community

(13:31 ) Navigating Dual Identities: Coming Out Experiences

(18:05 ) Creating Inclusive Spaces: The Work of A-Shell

(22:31 ) Ritual Innovations in the Orthodox Community

(24:11 ) Navigating Orthodox Jewish Law and Queer Identity

(27:36 ) The Intersection of Gender and Ritual

(29:26 ) Faith and Acceptance in Queer Identity

(32:27 ) Challenges of Inclusivity in Orthodox Communities

(34:24 ) Retreats: A Safe Space for LGBTQ+ Jews

(37:12 ) The Attraction of Orthodoxy for Queer Individuals

(40:57 ) The Power of Obligation and Community Support

Resources:

• Learn more about Miryam and Eshel here: www.eshelonline.org 


• Follow Eshel on IG @eshelonline


• Join our online community at  Sanctuary Collective Community 

If you want to support the Patreon and help keep the podcast up and running, you can learn more and pledge your support at patreon.com/queertheology

This transcript was generated by AI and may contain errors or omissions.

(10s):

Welcome to the Queer Theology Podcast. I’m Brian G Murphy. And I’m father Shannon, T l Kearns. We’re the co-founders of Queer Theology dot com and your hosts from Genesis, revelation. The Bible declares good news to LGBTQ plus people, and we want to show you how Tuning each week on Sunday for conversations about Christianity, queerness and transness, and how they can enrich one another. We’re glad you’re here Today on the podcast, we have a really special interview. Miriam Kabakov is a national leader who has worked for more than three decades on the inclusion of LGBTQ plus individuals in the Orthodox world. Miriam is executive director and co-founder of Elle, a national organization that supports LGBTQ plus Orthodox individuals and their families.

(53s):

Prior to being a leader at Eshel, Miriam was the New York and National Program Director of Voda, The Jewish Service Corps, director of LGBT programming at the JCC Manhattan Social Worker at West Side Federation for Senior and Supportive Housing, and was the first social worker at Footsteps. Miriam received her MSW from the World’s Wilder School of Social Work. She also received a certificate in fundraising from the University of St. Thomas, and a certificate in program evaluation from the University of Washington, and has a background in informal Jewish education from Brandeis University. She founded the New York Orthodox, a support group for lesbian, bisexual, and transgender Orthodox women, and is the editor of Keep Your Wives Away From Them, Orthodox Women Unorthodox Desires published by North Atlantic Books in May of 2010.

(1m 37s):

A collection of writings are the challenges and joys of LBT Orthodox Jews and winner of the Golden Crown Literary Award. On a more personal note, I’m so excited to share this interview with you because I’ve seen up close and personal lives that have been transformed by a Shell. I just can’t help but keep coming back to the idea that we are stronger together and Miriam is working to make that a reality. Miriam, thanks so much for being here on the podcast with us. I’m, it’s really excited to talk to you. I got an impressive list of accomplishments and things that you’ve done both for the Jewish world and the LGBT community, And I, I know our audience is gonna be in for a treat with you today.

(2m 17s):

Thank you so much, Ryan. It’s really an honor to be here. I wanna, before we dive into sort of present day Miran and the work that you’re doing with Michelle, can you just take us back to a more like child, a younger version of yourself, and that’s sort of like, what was it like for you growing up? How does religion and queerness intersect for you and when did you start to become aware that maybe there was a rift or maybe people told you there should be a rift there? What, like, what was that, what was that upbringing like for you? Sure. I can go there. I go there a lot because calls that we get on our warm line always often make me think of myself as, you know, know a younger person, a younger version of health.

(3m 2s):

And it’s always remarkable to me that these many decades later people are still saying the things that I said when I was younger. And that is, I am the only one. I must be the only one. This is crazy. How could God have made me this way? You know, what I know about our tradition and our religion and what’s supposed to be the right way to live doesn’t really jive with how I’m feeling inside. Now, I grew up in a modern Orthodox community going to modern Orthodox Day school, and that means that meant to me that the modern world and orthodoxy had a way of coexisting, and that everything we learned, sort of both, both of those things had to make sense of each other in order to have that like understanding and combination of the modern world and the ancient world and our faith and science.

(3m 59s):

And so the way I grew up was that this is gonna be okay, but I didn’t know how. And what I mean is that what we would learn in school was like, how do you apply ancient texts and ancient laws and customs to modern day problems? So my father was an A doctor in New York City, and he used to take me as a young person to these medical ethics meetings with, y