Let us say for instance you have withholding parents,or emotionally abusive parents you think now because i am an adult i can do better but hello are you can't control the other person.
You think oh there is no chemistry with this person he seems boring.truth bomb because you are used to chaos and emotional volatility peace looks boring to you (lemme let that sink in)

You think you can make that unreliable person change.I am gonna help them change.Meet a healthy person or one who is willing to work on doing some deep excavation work on his or her unresolved wounds.
At their core they are not emotionally present.You are choosing your partners unconsciously then you get into the relationship and you go oops this feels familiar
You think you are unlovable. When you have not processed these unresolved emotions ...completely outside of your awareness.
Because you felt powerless and helpless as a child you think I am gonna help them change now. So you stuck being the fixer,ride or die ..please ride or die for Jesus.