Welcome to Final Destionomics—your crash course (sometimes literally) in the twisted economics of the Final Destination franchise. In this rigorously unaccredited class, Professors Sabrina Ace, Tommy James, and Big Money Eddie break down Death’s most extra moments: exploding planes, rogue logs, killer gymnastics, and tanning beds hotter than Florida in July.

In this session, we study Death like it’s trying to graduate summa cum laude in irony. Why does it love chain reactions? Why is it obsessed with Rube Goldberg machines of doom? Why does every minor inconvenience lead to an OSHA violation?

This is our final class before Summer Camp begins, so take notes, dodge signs, and maybe don’t drink water from strange places.

Homework: Enroll, rate us 5 stars, and stay paranoid, because in Final Destination, even your dishwasher hates you.

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