Today’s topic is getting a job. We’re gonna write a kickass resume, find a job, apply to a job, and crush a job interview.  Welcome to “How to Get a Job”.   Step one is writing a resume. Well, technically the first step would be to take a moment of introspection and figure out what you want in life, why you want it, what’s important to you, and what you’re actually good at if you’re being honest with yourself. 

But I hate talkin about that shit because I can’t effectively tell you how to not be stupid or make bad choices, so we’re just gonna assume you’re like most people: You want a buncha money, you want it because you think it’ll make you happier than you are, it’s important that people respect you for the job you do because you think employment has anything to do with your identity, and you’re gonna lie to yourself and say you could be good at way more things than you actually would be.

After all that bullshit introspection and the creation of your impeccable resume, it’s time to find a job. Fortunately for you, this is 2020. Almost ALL jobs are posted online for you, and the days of walking into businesses asking for resumes are all but dead.