The latest episode of the Dear Black Gay Men Podcast with Jai The Gentleman dove headfirst into the nuanced world of dominance, submission, and the sticky dynamics of dating in the black queer community.

The central conversation explored the concept of the “good boy”, and how subs prefer to be handled in black queer culture. Based on a poll of 20 self-professed “good boys,” the results were split:

* Bratty Subs: Seven men preferred a Dom who would “put them in their place” and actively dominate them.

* Willing Subs: Seven were naturally submissive and eager to earn the “good boy” title.

* Mixed Bag: Six varied, depending on their partner.

Jai, a self-identified soft dom, prefers a willing and eager sub, noting that for him, earning the “good boy” title extends far beyond sex and requires a relationship rapport. He emphasizes that a dom must provide a valuable reward, emotionally and physically, in return for “good boy” behavior.

The conversation then shifted to a viral story discussed by Nico’s Aesthetics, leading to a critical question: When does persistence cross the line into harassment?. The host and the chat discussed how intense, even obsessive, behavior (like showing up uninvited) is a toxic display of insecurity, often rooted in a deep, unmet desire to be seen, loved, and valued—a story sadly common among black gay men.

Catch the replay for the full kiki, and let us know—are you a bratty sub or a willing sub?

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