In part 2/2, I take the listeners on a detailed journey of the actual formative events that took place from ages 12-16 that ultimately led to a core wound of 'betrayal and abandonment" imprinting the father wound and how things escalated to the point of police removing me from my childhood home and placing me with a foster family. I share details of the physical, psychological and emotional abuse, extreme medical neglect as well as the sexual shaming and humiliation tactics.

By the end of the 2 part series, you will understand what family scapegoat abuse is (FSA), how it binds the dysfunctional family system through shame and unprocessed generational trauma, how we can overcome it and end the cycles of abuse from being passed down to our own children.

Part of my ability to come full circle with events is understanding how and why they took place, seeing things from higher spiritual perspective and then finding the courage to give voice to my inner child and teenager's experience, knowing I no longer have to carry the family burden (shame) by keeping it a secret.

My intention is you find solace in this episode and that through hearing my story, you better understand and can heal parts of your formative experiences growing up. My hope is you find the courage to transcend patterns and gift yourself a new life full of love, peace, joy and happiness, knowing you deserve it and always have.

Resources for Family Scapegoat Abuse (FSA) can be found at my site (⁠at the bottom of this blog)⁠

Chapters

(0:00:00 ) Intro

(0:00:32 ) Explaining invisible child vs family scapegoat

(0:02:44 ) Intention of sharing from empowerment not victimhood

(0:04:20 ) Father moves back when I'm 12

(0:05:40 ) Becoming resourceful, questioning & overcoming anorexia

(0:08:00 ) When the bullying escalated

(0:11:00 ) Father started calling me a "little sl8t" and "you're too stupid to graduate"

(0:13:00 ) I became the new target for my father's anger (projections) as my mom was no longer in the picture

(0:15:15 ) My journey with breakfast and first time eating eggs as an adult

(0:16:30 ) Life's dichotomies

(0:17:44 ) Wake up call to learn how to do homework and silver lining gifts

(0:20:20 ) Enrolment in a gymnastics competition

(0:22:45 ) 3rd broken bones: disaster on my bar dismount causing multiple bone fractures and left foot facing backwards

(0:24:45 ) Ambulance takes me to hospital where extreme medical negligence took place

(0:28:00 ) Life and death situation with medical mismanagement of leg leading to emergencies and risk of amputation

(0:29:30 ) Begging my father to take me to the ER

(0:31:00 ) When machiavellianism, psychopathic and narcissistic abuse increased

(0:33:00 ) Resorting to riding my bike in the winter, with crutches strapped on horizontally, while left leg was casted, in order to get to school

(0:35:55 ) When people in my town started calling him "crazy"

(0:36:30 ) When the cast came off and I needed help

(0:38:02 ) Understanding scapegoat and how these systems operate

(0:39:40 ) Struggling thru puberty without proper hygiene, training bras or school supplies

(0:46:40 ) Abandonment in public place for hours

(0:48:44 ) Period: no access to tampons

(0:53:20 ) Beatings escalated to include strangulation

(1:00:35 ) S3xual shaming and humiliation

(1:01:20 ) Calculated evil (admitting the lies he was spreading were to get rid of me)

(1:07:00 ) The pattern of holding the family shame

(1:14:30 ) Being thrown out with trash bags

(1:16:17 ) The final night & final fight

(1:19:40 ) Police drove me away

(1:21:30 ) Moved in with new & healthy family

(1:23:30 ) He never broke my spirit and never could convince me that I'd amount to nothing

(1:27:27 ) 1st apartment at 17

(1:28:48 ) Gifting my inner child - no longer my burden to carry this secret

(1:33:30 ) Full circle understanding

(1:38:00 ) Ayahuasca helped me process, understand & forgive the unforgivable

(1:48:30 ) My soul chose this entire experience

(1:50:00 ) Disentangling fear / abuse from that of what love actually is