An apology is a starting point, a basic human relationship skill, and an essential component of healing.  In this twice-monthly Rocking Relationships in Recovery webinar, host Jon Taylor, Utah Therapist (CSAT), discusses how and why to effectively apologize. 

 

TAKEAWAYS:

[3:08 ] Executed well, an apology can be a powerful change for a person issuing the apology.

[4:06 ] John shares the first big fight he and his spouse had in their marriage. 

[6:41 ] Saying ‘I’m sorry’ is the first step, then asking ‘How can I help?’” 

[12:25 ] If your apology is coupled with resentment, you’re not doing it right. 

[15:30 ] Turn on your thinking brain and consider what you could do differently. 

[18:30 ] Offer solutions to your partner that can correct the hurt. 

[22:05 ] The danger of a forced apology. 

[24:08 ] The non-apology apology is thinly veiled manipulation. 

[27:27 ] How can I proceed when the people I’ve hurt refuse to talk to me? 

[33:14 ] How does self-sabotage show up for both addicts and betrayed partners? 

[37:40 ] Self activation and authentication can open us up to hurt as well as clarity. 

[38:50 ] How can I react to my addict spouse if he refuses support? 

 

RESOURCES:

Seekingintegrity.com

Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com

Sexandrelationshiphealing.com

Intherooms.com

Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss

Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

 

QUOTES

• “If you’re going to use apology, you need to be ready to follow through.  Otherwise you’re going to hollow out the word and make it the word that signals the start of a fight, not the start of repair.” 

• “Apology, executed well, can be a powerful change for the person issuing the apology.” 

• “I ended up listening and paying attention, and that’s the power of saying ‘I’m sorry’.” 

• “Be careful not to hold your ‘I’m sorry’ hostage or make it conditional.  If you’re doing that, then you are the problem.” 

• “We’re misusing an apology when we expect it to be a quick fix.” 

• “We never know where our person’s breaking point is and we can’t be the one to define that.”