I Kissed Dating Goodbye Part 3: Purity Culture’s 4-Step Plan for Control
Description
This week I'm diving into Part 3 of I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris—a section packed with so-called "practical tools" for keeping Christian teens pure. Spoiler: it's just more purity culture with a fresh coat of patriarchal paint.
In this episode, I unpack chapters 8 through 11, covering Harris’s infamous four-step plan for building godly relationships. We look at what it means to “start with a clean slate,” why he thinks you need your parents’ permission to date, and the mental gymnastics required to avoid every ounce of human attraction. I also share personal stories about awkward birthday ceremonies, homeschool dating dynamics, and how being taught to distrust your own body messes you up well into adulthood.
This one’s heavy but important—especially if you're trying to untangle the emotional damage of purity culture.
In This Episode, I Cover:
The “Four Steps” to godly dating and why they don’t hold up
How purity culture reinforces shame, secrecy, and lack of bodily autonomy
My own cringe memories of gendered homeschool rituals and toxic birthday parties
How mentorship, boundaries, and even lust are twisted in this framework
- Redefining intimacy, friendship, and trust outside of evangelical fear-mongering
Want More Like This?
Subscribe to Ex-Homeschoolers Club wherever you get your podcasts, leave a rating or review (it helps a ton!), and join the newsletter (https://exhsclub.beehiiv.com/subscribe) for show updates, behind-the-scenes notes, and community discussion.
If this episode brought back memories or stirred something in you, I’d love to hear your story. Share your thoughts with me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/exhsclub/) or drop me an email at exhsclub@gmail.com
United States
