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Incels Anonymous

Hi. I’m Danica…..And I’m addicted to Incels. Vol. I

I used to be a femcel,

so I know the mindset. I know the pain that comes with it. When you think about Incels, what comes to mind? “Involuntary celibate,” it abbreviates. However, not anymore. We need to rename them: “Vocels” — Voluntary celibates.

Sometimes we might even mistake them for being gay, or at least bi-sexual, and if we did… no one would blame us. Not that there’s anything wrong with being gay. Of course there isn’t, my problem with them is not that they may or may not be gay. No, my issue with them runs alot deeper than that.

I was a Femcel for ten years, unknowingly. I didn’t even know it had a name, until a few years ago but after careful analysis, it seems I was definitely one. This means, I’ve felt what Incel’s feel and I’ve been what Incel’s are. The meaning for what a Incel and Femcel are is pretty similar

Jordan Peterson summarised Incel’s well, in a new podcast episode of Modern Wisdom with Chris Williamson, Peterson says that Incels, “(try to figure out how to have) the capacity to be dark, (because this would be)….an improvement over the capacity to not be dark at all.”

He then continues, “the shadow (of a Incel or a Femcel) beckons to anyone who is underdeveloped.” Describing Incel’s as neurotic, dependent, repressed, immature and harmless. As a woman, I’d add: the feeling of powerlessness in society as a trigger that can turn a girl into a Femcel, especially if the rest of the “Incel criteria” fits her as well.

Femcel’s grab power in any way they can. Incel’s grab for control. They fake a shadow of confidence — just enough not to kill themselves.

And still… we don’t talk about Femcels as much.

Maybe because of misogyny. Maybe because there’s less of us. But femcels can still help me, like a Lana Del Rey song heals me, or the film The Piano Teacher made me feel understood by someone out there.

Hearing the words and seeing the actions of the Femcel’s depicted in art, brings me back to what I was. To how hard I was on myself about things I couldn’t control.

It makes me sad for that version of me, but it also reminds me to be kind to myself now, to not sweat the small stuff and to walk away when someone’s trying to steal my power. EVENTUALLY.

Eventually, is the key word highlighted.

Once I left the Femcel mindset behind, I started attracting Incel’s like moths to the flame. It’s strange. I didn’t attract them when I was one. I may have created a few — with the way I treated my boyfriends back then. Sometimes I get this narcissistic thought, like the whole Incel movement is my karmic linage for how I treated men for all those years.

Brutal punishment. I didn’t see them as men, I saw them as necessary evils, and when I did acknowledge them, it wasn’t with kindness.

I hated men and wasn’t really aware of it. But I wasn’t aware of much in those years, I was half on Earth, half somewhere really undesirable.

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