When a woman finds out her husband has been lying, one question she usually asks is, “Is my husband addicted to…” Here’s what you really need to know.

Before reading on, did you know that the real issue may be emotional abuse? To test this theory, if your husband uses p***graphy, take this free emotional abuse quiz. See if you’re experiencing any of the 19 types of emotional abuse.

When My Husband Said He is Addicted To…

If you’ve just discovered your husband has been lying to you and he claims struggling with addiction, but it doesn’t feel right—trust your gut. The truth might not be about addiction at all. Often, the real issue is emotional and psychological abuse.

At Betrayal Trauma Recovery, we help women recognize the patterns of invisible abuse that hide behind lies. Here’s how to tell if your husband’s behavior is less about addiction and more about control and manipulation.

What You Need to Know About “Addiction” in Marriage

Addiction might seem like a reasonable explanation for your husband’s lies, but if your husband’s actions hurt your peace and confidence, it’s important to only focus on how they affect you. This shift will change everything.

If your husband repeatedly chooses behaviors that hurt you, it’s more than a personal struggle. It’s abuse.

Lies Aren’t Addiction—They’re Emotional and Psychological Abuse

If your husband says he’s lying because he’s an addict, ask yourself this question—does he take responsibility for the pain he’s caused? Or does he make excuses, shift blame, or manipulate you into feeling sorry for him?

Addiction doesn’t justify:

• Lying about his whereabouts


• Playing the victim, so you’ll feel sorry for him (when you’re the one who has been harmed)


• Hiding money


• Denying conversations or gaslighting you when you ask questions


• Using phrases like “You’re too sensitive” or “You blow things out of proportion” to dismiss your concerns

These actions aren’t slips from an addict—they’re tactics abusers use to maintain control.

Addiction & Emotional Abuse

One common lie many women hear is that exploitative materials use is just a private problem or a personal addiction. But here’s the reality:

• It Fuels Exploitation: Using materials that involve the abuse and exploitation of women and underage girls. Watching it creates demand for more harm.


• Coercion In Marriage: When your husband lies about use, pressures you into uncomfortable situations, or refuses to be honest, he’s engaging in emotional and physical abuse.


• It Breaks Marital Trust: Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship. Withholding the truth, managing secret habits, or blaming you for his choices destroys intimacy and care.

How to Protect Yourself From an “Addicted” Husband

If your husband’s actions have harmed you, the best step is to learn how to protect yourself from further harm. Here’s where to start:

1. Learn about what it means when your husband says he’s an addict by listening to The Free Betrayal Trauma Recovery Podcast.


2. Get the RIGHT support. Check out the Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group Session schedule to connect with other women who know exactly what you’re going through.


3. Learn safety strategies. Enroll in The Betrayal Trauma Recovery Living Free Workshop to determine the truth about your husband’s character and learn strategies to protect yourself.

Here’s Most About Why Your Husband’s Addiction is Likely Abusive To You

Abusive online content is accepted, encouraged, and normalized in our society. While its effects are denied, minimized, and even justified.

When men choose to use exploitative content, they exploit and abuse women – many of whom are underage. Violence against women is common in this type of material.

Men literally have a response to the video proof of women and children brutalized and raped. How could that not be abusive?

But What If It’s So-Called “Ethical”?

Many so-called addicts will rally against the truth that this content is abusive. They claim that “ethical p****graphy” empowers women.

However, this fallacy is both dangerous and offensive. “Ethical” is the ultimate oxymoron. There is no healthy way to view something created through coercive, exploitative tactics.

Viewing This Type of Content Leads to Spouse Abuse

When men consume this type of material, they are, by default, abusing their wife because:

• They’re engaging in a secret life—manipulation, lies, and withholding the truth are forms of emotional abuse.


• If he’s not honest about his use of this content, it’s coercion, because she can’t make an informed decision.


• Users of this material often pressure their wife to engage in dangerous, dehumanizing, and painful acts. This is coercion, a form of abuse.


• Users often resort to psychologically abusive behaviors, including gaslighting, blame-shifting, and abusive defensiveness.

When His Addiction Has Taught Him How To Abuse Women

As men consume this type of abuse, they’re being conditioned to coerce and abuse women and underage girls. We understand the depth of horror and pain women experience when betrayed.

Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group offers victims a safe place to process trauma, share hard feelings, and ask questions. Attend a session today.

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Transcript: Is My Husband Addicted to…?

Anne: It’s just me today. If you just found out about your husband’s lies. And you’re wondering is my husband addicted to whatever he just lied about? Here’s what you need to know. If you caught your husband lying. And then your husband said, I’m addicted to … And he claims he’s struggling with addiction. The truth might not be about addiction. Often the real issue is emotional and psychological abuse. So here’s what you need to know about addiction in marriage.

Addiction might seem like a reasonable explanation for your husband’s lies. But if your husband’s actions hurt your peace and confidence, it’s important to focus only on how they affect you, and this shift will change everything. Because if your husband repeatedly chooses behaviors that hurt you, this is about more than just his “personal struggle.” Lies aren’t addiction. Lies are emotional and psychological abuse.

So, if your husband is lying and his excuse is that he’s an addict, ask yourself this question. Is he taking responsibility for the pain he causes? Or does he make excuses, shift blame, or manipulate you to feel sorry for him?

Because addiction doesn’t justify lying about his whereabouts. Or that he plays the victim, so you feel sorry for him. He’s actually harming you. It doesn’t justify hiding money, denying conversations, or gaslighting when you ask questions. It doesn’t justify psychological abuse in telling you that you’re too sensitive or blowing something out of proportion, when what he’s done is serious.

Is my husband addicted: Tactics of Control

Anne: These actions aren’t slips from an addict, they’re tactics abusers use to maintain control. You may ask, is my husband addicted? So let’s talk specifically about addiction and why exploitative material is an abuse issue. It’s not so much that I think talking about it as an abuse issue is fun, because everything about abuse is miserable. But educating women about this type of abuse is my absolute favorite thing to do. I have a master’s degree in education. I’m an abuse educator.

And because I talk about abuse all day long, I’ve developed a dark sense of humor. So I appreciate your patience. When it comes to abuse, it’s not a “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” situation. It’s what doesn’t kill you, really harms you, and limits your ability to function and feel joy for a long time. It’s miserable to learn why it is abusive from experience. And extremely difficult to learn how to protect yourself from this type of abuse.

Most people don’t give victims of this type of abuse, the correct information. So that’s my intent today. I don’t want any woman to experience this type of abuse, not know what it is, and not know how to protect yourself. That’s why I’m doing this episode today.

So exploitative materials use is a form of abuse. And there are multiple reasons why it’s abuse. I’m going to work from the outside in as we go over these reasons.

Reason number one: The Reality of Exploitativ