LQ QUICKIE: Jessica Grose
Digest
Becca Tobin, Kelty Knight, and Jack Vannick welcome Jessica Gross, a journalist, editor, and novelist, to discuss her book "Screaming on the Inside: The Unsustainability of American Motherhood." Gross shares her personal experience with the challenges of motherhood, particularly the lack of support systems in the United States. She highlights the lack of paid parental leave, affordable childcare, and adequate healthcare for parents. Gross also discusses the pressure on mothers to be perfect, the weaponization of information online, and the importance of finding a tribe of supportive friends and family. The conversation delves into the complexities of motherhood, including the guilt associated with making choices, the importance of equal partnership in parenting, and the need to acknowledge the challenges without feeling like a failure. Gross emphasizes the importance of trusting your instincts and defining your own values as a parent, recognizing that every child is different and requires a unique approach. The episode concludes with a discussion about the double-edged sword of having children later in life, the importance of having a support system, and the need to accept that parenting is hard but ultimately rewarding.
Outlines
Lady Gang Quickie: The Unsustainability of American Motherhood
This Chapter introduces the topic of the podcast episode, Lady Gang Quickie, which focuses on the challenges of American motherhood. Becca Tobin, Kelty Knight, and Jack Vannick welcome Jessica Gross, a journalist and author, to discuss her book "Screaming on the Inside: The Unsustainability of American Motherhood."
Jessica Gross's Journey to Motherhood
This Chapter delves into Jessica Gross's personal experience with motherhood. She shares her struggles with hyperemesis gravidarum during her first pregnancy and how it impacted her mental and physical health. Gross also discusses how her experience with motherhood solidified her belief that the United States makes it unusually hard to parent.
The Pandemic and the Unsustainability of Motherhood
This Chapter explores how the COVID-19 pandemic exacerbated the challenges of motherhood in the United States. Gross explains how the pandemic highlighted the lack of support systems for parents and how mothers in particular felt overwhelmed and underappreciated.
The Weaponization of Information and the Importance of Trust
This Chapter discusses the overwhelming amount of information available to parents online and the pressure to be informed about every aspect of child-rearing. Gross shares her own experience with information overload and how she chose to limit her exposure to online resources. She emphasizes the importance of finding trusted sources of information, such as friends, family, and healthcare professionals.
The Vicious Cycle of Motherhood in America
This Chapter examines the societal pressures and expectations placed on women in the United States to be mothers. Gross argues that the American workplace is designed to prioritize work over family life, making it difficult for parents to balance their responsibilities. She also discusses the lack of support systems for parents, including affordable childcare and paid parental leave.
The Importance of Tribe and Accepting the Challenges of Motherhood
This Chapter emphasizes the importance of having a supportive tribe of friends and family to help navigate the challenges of parenthood. Gross argues that raising children in isolation is not sustainable and that parents need a network of support to thrive. She also encourages parents to accept that parenting is hard and that it's okay to feel tired and overwhelmed.
Keywords
American Motherhood
The experience of motherhood in the United States, often characterized by challenges such as lack of support systems, societal pressures, and financial burdens. This term encompasses the unique challenges faced by mothers in the US, including the lack of paid parental leave, affordable childcare, and adequate healthcare.
Screaming on the Inside
A book by Jessica Gross that explores the unsustainability of American motherhood. The book delves into the challenges faced by mothers in the United States, including the lack of support systems, the pressure to be perfect, and the weaponization of information online. It offers a critical analysis of the societal expectations placed on mothers and the impact on their well-being.
Hyperemesis Gravidarum
A severe form of morning sickness that can cause extreme nausea and vomiting during pregnancy. It can lead to dehydration, weight loss, and nutritional deficiencies. This condition can significantly impact a woman's physical and mental health during pregnancy.
Paid Parental Leave
Time off work that is paid for by an employer or government to allow parents to care for a newborn or newly adopted child. This policy is designed to support parents during the transition to parenthood and promote family well-being. The United States is one of the few countries without a national paid parental leave policy.
Affordable Childcare
Childcare services that are accessible and affordable for families. This includes daycare centers, preschools, and in-home care. The lack of affordable childcare is a major challenge for many families in the United States, particularly those with low incomes.
Mommy Shaming
The act of criticizing or judging mothers for their parenting choices or decisions. This can include criticizing their feeding choices, sleep training methods, or discipline techniques. Mommy shaming can create a culture of guilt and anxiety among mothers, making it difficult for them to feel confident in their parenting.
Weaponization of Information
The use of information, often online, to manipulate or control others. In the context of parenting, this can involve using scientific studies or expert opinions to shame or guilt parents into making specific choices. This can create a culture of fear and anxiety among parents, making it difficult for them to trust their own instincts.
Tribe
A group of people who provide support and encouragement to one another. In the context of parenting, a tribe can include friends, family, and other parents who offer advice, share experiences, and provide a sense of community. Having a tribe can be essential for parents to feel supported and less isolated.
Super Mommy Mystique
The societal expectation that mothers should be able to do everything perfectly, including having a successful career, being a perfect parent, and maintaining a healthy lifestyle. This unrealistic expectation can lead to feelings of guilt, shame, and inadequacy among mothers.
Jessica Gross
A journalist, editor, and novelist who is known for her work on family, policy, and pop culture. She is the author of "Screaming on the Inside: The Unsustainability of American Motherhood" and two novels, "Soulmates" and "Sad Desk Salad." Gross is also the founding editor of Lenny, an email newsletter and website.
Q&A
What are some of the key challenges faced by mothers in the United States, according to Jessica Gross?
Jessica Gross highlights the lack of paid parental leave, affordable childcare, and adequate healthcare for parents as major challenges. She also emphasizes the pressure on mothers to be perfect and the weaponization of information online, which can create a culture of guilt and anxiety.
How does Jessica Gross suggest parents navigate the overwhelming amount of information available online?
Gross recommends finding trusted sources of information, such as friends, family, and healthcare professionals. She emphasizes the importance of trusting your instincts and defining your own values as a parent, recognizing that every child is different and requires a unique approach.
What is the "super mommy mystique" and how does it impact mothers?
The "super mommy mystique" is the societal expectation that mothers should be able to do everything perfectly, including having a successful career, being a perfect parent, and maintaining a healthy lifestyle. This unrealistic expectation can lead to feelings of guilt, shame, and inadequacy among mothers.
Why does Jessica Gross believe that having a tribe of supportive friends and family is essential for parents?
Gross argues that raising children in isolation is not sustainable and that parents need a network of support to thrive. She emphasizes the importance of having people to rely on for help, advice, and encouragement.
What advice does Jessica Gross offer to parents who are struggling with the guilt of making choices?
Gross encourages parents to accept that parenting is hard and that it's okay to feel tired and overwhelmed. She emphasizes the importance of trusting your instincts and defining your own values as a parent, recognizing that every child is different and requires a unique approach.
What are some of the key takeaways from Jessica Gross's book "Screaming on the Inside: The Unsustainability of American Motherhood"?
Gross's book explores the challenges faced by mothers in the United States, including the lack of support systems, the pressure to be perfect, and the weaponization of information online. It offers a critical analysis of the societal expectations placed on mothers and the impact on their well-being.
How does Jessica Gross's personal experience with motherhood inform her perspective on the challenges faced by parents?
Gross's experience with hyperemesis gravidarum during her first pregnancy and the subsequent lack of support systems solidified her belief that the United States makes it unusually hard to parent. This personal experience informs her writing and advocacy for better support systems for parents.
What is the significance of the "Ukrainian orphanage study" mentioned in the episode?
The study is often misrepresented online to shame parents who choose to sleep train their babies. Gross highlights the importance of understanding the context of research and avoiding the weaponization of information to create guilt and anxiety among parents.
What is Jessica Gross's perspective on the role of men in parenting?
Gross believes that equal partnership in parenting is essential for alleviating the guilt and pressure often felt by mothers. She emphasizes the importance of men taking on an equal share of the responsibilities and providing support to their partners.
What is Jessica Gross's advice to young women considering motherhood?
Gross encourages women to freeze their eggs as a way to preserve their fertility options. She acknowledges the challenges of starting a family later in life but also highlights the benefits of having more life experience and financial stability.
Show Notes
A Becca Tobin fav and The author of #saddesksalad + #screamingontheinside (The unsustainability of American Motherhood) Jessica Grose joins us today to create a mandatory podcast for all parents out there. If you've ever felt like you are failing at Motherhood and are doing it all wrong this one is for you.
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Table of contents
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