The review process is in general not great.  Research says only 21% of your review reflects your actual performance. The other 79%? Reviewer preferences, interpretation differences, and who happened to see you shine—or not. One person’s “excellent communicator” is another’s “talks too much at meetings.”   Welcome to the land of subjectivity.

And let’s not forget the recency bias. Most of us can’t remember what we had for lunch last week, let alone your Q1 wins. Performance reviews often rely heavily on the last six weeks—which means your January brilliance is now irrelevant.

We start with a flawed process that can feel deeply personal, which as we know is a bad mix for our ease, meaning and joy at work.

So what can we do?

Before the review, ask: What’s expected of me? What’s the goal of this review? Do you want a response? When?

During the review:

1. Listen—sometimes that’s enough.


2. Keep your cool—even if your face betrays you.


3. Ask questions—gently, curiously.


4. Buy time—especially if you didn’t see it coming.


5. Hunt for the helpful—what’s useful, what’s noise?


6. Craft your response—thanks, questions, or a plan.


7. If you're underperforming—own it. Ask what improvement looks like.


8. Show don’t tell—words are easy, action is powerful.


9. Create a plan—share it, follow up, stay engaged.

If you're surprised by feedback, that’s probably not failure—it’s probably information. Maybe your boss doesn’t give real-time feedback. Maybe expectations were never clearly shared. And there are times when we can be just not plugged in and self-aware - considering why we are surprised can be very helpful.

And remember: this isn’t just feedback on you. It’s also a window into your boss, your team, and your company. There’s data in how they deliver feedback, what they notice, and what they miss.

So take a breath. Accept the review as just one piece of a much bigger picture. Learn what you can. Then, let it go, Elsa. Let it go.

GOOD READS

Why You Might Want to Say Goodbye to the Annual Performance Review | Working Knowledge

How to Respond to a Performance Review: 9 Tips Employees Need to Know — ManageBetter

(32) How to Respond Effectively During Your Performance Review: A Guide to Standing Out and Driving Growth | LinkedIn

17 Phrases To Respond to Constructive Criticism, According to Psychologists - Parade

Responding to Feedback You Disagree With

Performance Reviews