We punish adults as though they were children - in ways that don't even work on kids.

We say that we are handing out "consequences" - as though we are parents and they are our children. Of course it doesn't work - no-one likes being treated that way. Not even children.

The real keys to effective parenting are trust, love and respect. If your child knows you love him and respect him, and that he can trust you, then what you think carries a lot of weight. Children do crave boundaries, and they do like those boundaries enforced: but that's not at all the same thing as a struggle of wills over punishment.

Actual parents know this. We know not to treat our children like fools. We know that dishonesty and punishment carry a high price. We know that they are people too. 

Of course with adults punishment is even less effective - they are not children, we are not parents, and they know it. 

How is it that so many grown-ups don't seem to realize this? How is it that so many treat other adults like children? Is it because we don't have enough experience with children? Regardless, we can't expect to have healthy relationships with one another - or with our children! - if this is how we behave.