Susan Guthrie welcomes two extraordinary guests whose combined perspectives offer something rarely seen in the world of divorce. Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq., returns to the show alongside author Matthew A. Tower, whose new book Love Wars: Clash of the Parents gives listeners an unprecedented inside look at what high-conflict divorce feels like through the eyes of a child. Together, their insights reveal the emotional reality children carry, the predictable patterns behind high-conflict behaviors, and the steps parents can take to protect their kids from the fallout.

Love Wars follows Matthew’s journey from ages six to eleven as he navigated two volatile households, emotional unpredictability, parentification, negative advocates, and the relentless pressure to choose sides. His story is raw, illuminating, and at times difficult to hear, yet it is also deeply important. Bill helps contextualize Matthew’s lived experience through High Conflict Personality Theory and offers guidance parents and professionals can use immediately. This conversation is a powerful companion to Bill’s book Splitting and the perfect next step for anyone committed to changing the emotional climate for their children.

Why This Conversation Matters

High-conflict divorce leaves a lasting imprint on children, but the full internal experience is almost never visible to parents, courts, or professionals. Matthew’s story pulls back the curtain on what children absorb, what they fear, how they cope, and why the conflict shapes them long after the legal case is over.

Bill explains how splitting, emotional volatility, and personality-driven dynamics create confusion, fear, and reactivity for children who do not yet have the capacity to regulate intense emotions. He also highlights why professionals often miss what is really happening, and how parents can change the trajectory by lowering conflict, creating predictability, and becoming the steady emotional anchor their children desperately need.

Together, Bill and Matthew offer clarity, compassion, and a path forward for families caught in high-conflict cycles.

In this episode, you will learn:

• What children internalize during high-conflict divorce and why they absorb the emotional intensity around them


• Why parentification is so damaging and how children become emotional caregivers when adults are dysregulated


• How high-conflict parents recruit negative advocates and why these dynamics intensify the conflict


• Why kids shut down, freeze, or dissociate when the emotional environment becomes overwhelming


• How calm, consistent adults like Matthew’s stepmother Holly can become a lifeline


• What courts and professionals often overlook when evaluating children’s preferences or resistance


• What parents can do right now to lower reactivity, reduce conflict, and create safety for their children

About the Guests: 

Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. - Bill Eddy is a lawyer, therapist, mediator, best-selling author, co-founder, and Chief Innovation Officer of the High Conflict Institute. He pioneered the High Conflict Personality Theory (HCP Theory) and has become an international expert on managing disputes involving high conflict personalities and personality disorders. He provides training to lawyers, judges, mediators, managers, human resource professionals, businesspersons, healthcare administrators, college administrators, homeowners’ association managers, ombudspersons, law enforcement, therapists and others. He has been a speaker and trainer in over 30 U.S. states and 10 countries.

Visit the High Conflict Institute to find out more about Bill, the Institute's wealth of resources for managing high conflict relationships and more of Bill's books!  

https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/

Listen to Bill's other episode, "Get Ready to BIFF Your High Conflict Co-Parent" on Divorce & Beyond here:  https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-q3hpd-f87a79

Get your copy of Splitting: How to Protect Yourself When Divorcing a Narcissist or Borderline here: https://amzn.to/3C22aGH



Matthew A. Tower - Matthew A. Tower is an author, art director, audiobook narrator, and entrepreneur. He first saw Star Wars in theaters at age three. Love Wars: Clash of the Parents, A True Divorce Story is his debut work of literature.

Previously, he was founder and CEO of Versus Books, and published more than 50 gaming strategy guides for hits like The Legend of Zelda, selling over 5 million copies.

Get your copy of Love Wars: Clash of the Parents here: https://amzn.to/4oCN15T 

Learn more at: https://lovewars.com

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Meet Our Host

Susan E. Guthrie®, Esq. is one of the nation’s leading family law and mediation experts, with more than 35 years of experience helping individuals and families navigate divorce and conflict with clarity and compassion. She is the Immediate Past Chair of the American Bar Association Section of Dispute Resolution, a best-selling author, and a sought-after speaker, trainer, and practice-building consultant.

Susan recently appeared as the featured expert on The Oprah Podcast, where she shared her insights on gray divorce and the changing landscape of relationships. Her expertise has also been featured in The Wall Street Journal, Forbes, The Washington Post, NewsNation, and NBC’s Chicago Today, among many others.

As the creator and host of the award-winning Divorce & Beyond® Podcast, ranked in the top 1% of all podcasts worldwide with more than 3.4 million downloads, Susan brings together top experts and powerful personal stories to help listeners move through divorce and beyond with confidence, insight, and hope.

Learn more about Susan and her work at susaneguthrie.com.

Divorce & Beyond is a Top 1% Overall and Top 100 Self-Help podcast designed to help you with all you need to know to navigate your divorce journey and most importantly, to thrive in your beautiful beyond!  

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