Managing Friendship Trauma and the Fear of Cultivating New Ones
2Digest
This episode delves into the impact of trauma on relationships, particularly friendships. The hosts discuss how past experiences of abuse, manipulation, betrayal, and abandonment can shape our present interactions with others, leading to guardedness, fear, and difficulty in forming genuine connections. They emphasize that trauma is not limited to romantic relationships but can manifest in all areas of life, including friendships and even within the church. The conversation highlights the importance of acknowledging and processing trauma, both through therapy and a deeper relationship with God. They encourage listeners to be honest with themselves and others about their past hurts, to seek God's guidance in navigating relationships, and to trust in His ability to heal and restore. The episode also touches on the prevalence of pornography and its destructive effects on individuals, families, and the church, advocating for tools like Covet Eyes to combat this issue. Ultimately, the hosts encourage listeners to embrace the journey of healing and growth, trusting God to guide them in building healthy and fulfilling relationships.
Outlines
Intro and Prayer
This Chapter begins with the hosts greeting each other and engaging in a lighthearted conversation before transitioning into a prayer for the episode. They acknowledge the importance of seeking God's guidance and blessing for their discussion.
Trauma in Relationships
This Chapter delves into the topic of trauma and its impact on relationships, particularly friendships. The hosts discuss how past experiences of abuse, manipulation, betrayal, and abandonment can shape our present interactions with others, leading to guardedness, fear, and difficulty in forming genuine connections. They emphasize that trauma is not limited to romantic relationships but can manifest in all areas of life, including friendships and even within the church.
Men and Trauma
This Chapter explores the unique ways men experience and process trauma in friendships. The hosts acknowledge that men are often expected to suppress their emotions and may not openly communicate their pain. They discuss how past hurts, particularly from father figures, can affect men's relationships with other men, including pastors and church leaders.
Ephesians Bible Study
This Chapter is an advertisement for a new Ephesians Bible study hosted by the podcast hosts. They highlight the study's format, content, and benefits, encouraging listeners to join them on this journey of exploring God's Word.
Trauma and Father Figures
This Chapter continues the discussion on trauma and its impact on relationships, focusing on the role of father figures. The hosts discuss how experiences of abandonment or lack of support from fathers can create a longing for fatherly figures in other areas of life, including the church. They explore how this longing can lead to disappointment and hurt when these figures fail to meet expectations.
Therapy and Healing
This Chapter explores the role of therapy in processing and healing from trauma. The hosts acknowledge that therapy can be a valuable tool for self-awareness and identifying triggers, but it should not replace a relationship with God. They emphasize the importance of seeking God's guidance and healing alongside therapeutic interventions.
Honesty and Vulnerability
This Chapter emphasizes the importance of honesty and vulnerability in relationships. The hosts discuss how past hurts can lead to guardedness and fear, making it difficult to trust others. They encourage listeners to be honest with themselves and others about their feelings, even when it's uncomfortable, and to seek support from trusted individuals.
Pornography and its Impact
This Chapter is an advertisement for Covet Eyes, a software designed to combat pornography addiction. The hosts discuss the devastating effects of pornography on individuals, families, and the church, highlighting the need for tools and resources to address this issue.
Fear and Trusting God
This Chapter explores the dangers of fear and the importance of trusting God. The hosts discuss how fear can lead to inward focus and self-protection, hindering our ability to love and serve others. They encourage listeners to trust God to protect them and to focus on using their gifts for the benefit of others.
Analytical Minds and God
This Chapter explores the challenges of having an analytical mind and the importance of submitting it to God. The hosts discuss how overthinking and self-reflection can lead to shame and depression, but also how these tendencies can be used for God's glory. They encourage listeners to use their analytical abilities to understand God's Word and to seek His guidance in all areas of life.
Bullying and Trust
This Chapter shares a personal experience of bullying and its impact on the host's view of themselves and their relationships. They discuss how past experiences of rejection and abuse can lead to hypervigilance and difficulty in trusting others. They emphasize the importance of trusting God to provide safe and loving relationships.
Embracing Suffering and Community
This Chapter explores the concept of embracing suffering and community. The hosts discuss how God calls us to live in community with other fallen humans, which inevitably involves experiencing pain and hurt. They encourage listeners to lean into these experiences, trusting God to use them for good and to guide them in building healthy relationships.
Trusting God as Refuge
This Chapter emphasizes the importance of trusting God as our refuge. The hosts discuss how we can be tempted to rely on our own observations and understanding to navigate relationships, but encourage listeners to bring their fears and concerns to God and to seek His guidance in their interactions with others.
Jesus as High Priest
This Chapter draws inspiration from Jesus' example as High Priest. The hosts discuss how Jesus, despite knowing Judas would betray him, chose to love and serve him. They emphasize that Jesus' example teaches us to trust God's sovereignty and to prioritize His glory over our own feelings.
Boundaries and God's Sovereignty
This Chapter clarifies the importance of setting boundaries with unhealthy and harmful individuals while still trusting God's sovereignty. The hosts emphasize that God can use even painful experiences for good, teaching us about love, forgiveness, and His character.
Reflecting on Our Own Actions
This Chapter encourages listeners to reflect on their own actions and how they may have hurt others. The hosts acknowledge that we all have flaws and have failed others in some way, and encourage self-reflection and a desire to be better friends.
Entrusting Our Social Circles to God
This Chapter concludes the episode with a call to entrust our social circles to God. The hosts encourage listeners to stop making decisions about relationships based on their own reasoning and observations, but to seek God's guidance in who they build relationships with, who they disciple, and who they need to distance themselves from.
Outro
This Chapter concludes the episode with credits and a final encouragement to go with God.
Keywords
Trauma
Trauma refers to deeply distressing or disturbing experiences that can have a lasting impact on an individual's mental and emotional well-being. It can be caused by a variety of events, including abuse, neglect, violence, accidents, natural disasters, and witnessing traumatic events. Trauma can lead to a range of symptoms, including anxiety, depression, PTSD, difficulty forming relationships, and difficulty regulating emotions. It is important to seek professional help if you are struggling with trauma.
Relationships
Relationships are connections between two or more people, characterized by mutual interaction, interdependence, and shared experiences. They can be romantic, platonic, familial, or professional. Healthy relationships are built on trust, respect, communication, and mutual support. Relationships can provide a sense of belonging, love, and support, but they can also be sources of stress, conflict, and hurt.
Friendship
Friendship is a type of relationship characterized by mutual affection, trust, and shared interests. Friends provide companionship, support, and a sense of belonging. They can be sources of joy, laughter, and encouragement. Strong friendships are built on open communication, empathy, and a willingness to be there for each other through thick and thin.
Covet Eyes
Covet Eyes is a software program designed to help individuals and families combat pornography addiction. It offers features such as accountability, website blocking, and content filtering. Covet Eyes aims to promote online integrity and protect individuals from the harmful effects of pornography.
Pornography
Pornography is sexually explicit material that is intended to arouse sexual interest. It can take many forms, including images, videos, and written content. Pornography can have a range of negative impacts on individuals, including addiction, relationship problems, and distorted views of sex and relationships. It can also contribute to the exploitation and abuse of others.
Healing
Healing refers to the process of recovering from physical, emotional, or mental wounds. It can involve addressing the underlying causes of the wound, processing the pain and trauma, and developing coping mechanisms. Healing is a journey that takes time, patience, and self-compassion. It is important to seek support from trusted individuals and professionals.
God
God is a supreme being who is worshipped as the creator and ruler of the universe. In many religions, God is believed to be all-powerful, all-knowing, and all-good. God is often seen as a source of love, hope, and guidance. People turn to God for comfort, strength, and forgiveness. The concept of God varies widely across different religions and cultures.
Self-Awareness
Self-awareness is the ability to understand one's own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. It involves being able to reflect on oneself, identify patterns, and understand how one's actions affect others. Self-awareness is essential for personal growth, building healthy relationships, and making informed decisions.
Trust
Trust is the belief that someone or something is reliable, honest, and capable. It is a fundamental element of healthy relationships, both personal and professional. Trust is built over time through consistent actions, open communication, and mutual respect. When trust is broken, it can be difficult to rebuild.
Boundaries
Boundaries are limits that we set to protect ourselves from harm or exploitation. They define what we are willing to tolerate and what we are not. Healthy boundaries are essential for maintaining our well-being and for having healthy relationships. They help us to communicate our needs and to protect ourselves from being taken advantage of.
Q&A
How can trauma from past relationships affect our present relationships?
Trauma from past relationships can create a sense of guardedness, fear, and difficulty in forming genuine connections. It can lead to hypervigilance, difficulty trusting others, and a tendency to withdraw from relationships. These patterns can manifest in all areas of life, including friendships, romantic relationships, and even within the church.
What are some ways to process and heal from trauma?
Processing and healing from trauma can involve a combination of therapy and a deeper relationship with God. Therapy can help individuals identify triggers, understand the root causes of their trauma, and develop coping mechanisms. A relationship with God can provide comfort, strength, and forgiveness, helping individuals to find healing and restoration.
How can we be more honest and vulnerable in our relationships?
Being honest and vulnerable in our relationships requires courage and self-awareness. It involves acknowledging our past hurts, communicating our needs, and being willing to share our feelings with others. It also involves trusting others to listen and support us, even when it's difficult.
What are some of the challenges of having an analytical mind?
Having an analytical mind can be both a gift and a challenge. It can lead to overthinking, self-reflection, and a tendency to see flaws in ourselves and others. This can lead to shame, depression, and difficulty in trusting others. However, analytical minds can also be used for God's glory, helping us to understand His Word and to see things from a deeper perspective.
How can we trust God to provide safe and loving relationships?
Trusting God to provide safe and loving relationships requires surrendering our own control and seeking His guidance. It involves being willing to step out of our comfort zones, to be vulnerable with others, and to trust that God has a plan for our lives. It also involves recognizing that God's perspective is different from ours, and that He sees people in ways that we may not.
How can we embrace suffering and community?
Embracing suffering and community involves recognizing that life with other fallen humans will inevitably involve pain and hurt. It requires a willingness to be present with others, to offer support and compassion, and to trust that God can use even difficult experiences for good. It also involves recognizing that we are all in process, and that God is working to sanctify us and to bring us closer to Him.
How can we trust God as our refuge?
Trusting God as our refuge involves bringing our fears and concerns to Him, seeking His guidance in our relationships, and surrendering our own control. It involves recognizing that God is sovereign and that He has a plan for our lives, even when we don't understand it. It also involves trusting that God is able to protect us and to provide for our needs.
What can we learn from Jesus' example as High Priest?
Jesus' example as High Priest teaches us to prioritize God's glory over our own feelings, to love and serve others even when it's difficult, and to trust in God's sovereignty. It also teaches us that God can use even painful experiences for good, teaching us about love, forgiveness, and His character.
How can we set healthy boundaries while still trusting God's sovereignty?
Setting healthy boundaries involves defining what we are willing to tolerate and what we are not. It involves communicating our needs and protecting ourselves from harm or exploitation. However, it's important to remember that God is sovereign and that He can use even difficult experiences for good. We can trust that He will guide us in setting boundaries that are both healthy and honoring to Him.
How can we reflect on our own actions and how we may have hurt others?
Reflecting on our own actions involves being honest with ourselves about our flaws and how we may have failed others. It requires humility, self-awareness, and a willingness to take responsibility for our actions. It also involves seeking forgiveness from those we have hurt and striving to be better friends and individuals.
Show Notes
Trauma can show up in all relationships, not just romantic ones. And “friendship trauma” may sound dramatic, but experiences with others can legitimately affect your view of yourself, even the concept of friendship in general. In this episode, the Perrys talk about what it looks like to be a good friend, and how we need to work through past hurt and doubt to engage in future, healthy friendships.
This episode of With The Perrys is Sponsored by:
https://lifeway.com/ephesiansstudy — Join us as we study through the book of Ephesians.
https://www.covenanteyes.com — Try Victory by Covenant Eyes FREE for 30 days with promo code PERRYS!
Subscribe to the Perrys' newsletter.
To support the work of the Perrys, donate via PayPal.
To advertise with the Perrys, visit WithThePerrys.com/Partner.
Table of contents
United States
