Episode 312—Many couples in recovery assume that progress means focusing only on the future, but this mindset often overlooks the deep losses created by addiction and betrayal. Partners may grieve the relationship they thought they had, the years marked by deception, and the emotional safety that was taken from them without consent. When grief is minimized or avoided—often in the name of “positivity”—partners can feel unseen and pressured to suppress their pain, recreating the emotional neglect that existed during active addiction.

For addicts, grieving the past is especially difficult because it requires facing accountability without collapsing into shame. Many were raised in environments where responsibility and worthlessness were intertwined, making emotional presence feel threatening. Yet intimacy cannot grow where grief is forbidden. When addicts are unable to stay present with their partner’s pain, the relationship develops emotional “no-go zones,” limiting safety and connection. True recovery requires the capacity to face loss honestly, without defensiveness or avoidance.

When grief is approached with empathy, timing, and emotional maturity, it becomes one of the most powerful bonding experiences a couple can share. Grieving together does not mean living in the past—it means integrating it. By acknowledging what was lost, couples create space for authenticity, trust, and deeper intimacy. Healing is not about forgetting what happened, but about facing it together so that both partners can move forward grounded in truth, compassion, and shared humanity.

For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to:  My Partner is in Recovery. Should we let the past go and move on? Is there a place for "grieving" what we have lost? 

Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services