How do you uphold respect and dignity for an ageing parent when balancing the regular demands of career and children? So many people today are part of the Sandwich Generation—caring for a parent while still managing work and raising kids. Ensuring your parent feels safe and cared for without losing sight of your own boundaries and wellness is a hard balancing act to manage.

As a registered nurse who also raised three children on the spectrum, Valerie Wiens was perhaps better prepared than many adult children when it came time to care for her parents in the last years of their lives. She can certainly relate to how overwhelming and difficult it is to navigate the healthcare system for both caregivers and patients.

Valerie recognizes the importance of setting aside ego to enable thoughtful communication, an important part of ensuring parents feel dignified and respected as they make the transition to being “parented” by their own children. She also shares her approach to that fine line between demanding respectful care from medical professionals and remaining calm and reasonable in the face of frustrating interactions.

As Valerie says, it’s important to “be effective” and have “expectations that are reasonable and measurable,” both when interacting with the healthcare team and in your own expectations for caregiving. Every caregiving journey will be different, and finding ways to be fully present, whatever that means for you, is the most meaningful gift you can give.

Consider the impact your caregiving interactions have, both on your parent and yourself:

• When to set aside your ego so your parent can retain their dignity;
• How to advocate for a parent’s care while also respecting healthcare professionals;
• Why even the most loving children must develop boundaries when caring for their parents;
• How setting caregiving goals early on can transform your mindset in the end.

Resources:

• Caregiving in Partnership with Fraser Health e-learning course: https://www.familycaregiversbc.ca/caregiver-learning-center/learn  
  Navigating the Healthcare System: https://www.familycaregiversbc.ca/caregiver-learning-center/read-resources/navigating-the-healthcare-system
• How to Advocate for Yourself: https://www.familycaregiversbc.ca/caregiver-learning-center/read-resources/how-to-advocate-for-yourself-and-your-family-member
• How to Advocate for Your Family Member: https://www.familycaregiversbc.ca/caregiver-learning-center/read-resources/advocating-for-a-family-member
• Step-by-step guide from Valerie’s book “What Do We Do About Mom?” - https://www.amazon.ca/What-About-Mom-strengthen-caregiving/dp/1778178715
• Work with Valerie at Keystone Eldercare Solutions - https://keystoneeldercare.com/
• Patient Care Quality Office (PCQO) - http://www.phsa.ca/about/patient-experience-quality-of-care/patient-experience/patient-care-quality-office
• Family Caregivers of BC Caregiver Support Line - 1-877-520-3267 (Monday through Friday 8:30 am to 4pm PT)

Connect With Us!

To read a full transcript of each episode, visit the Family Caregivers of BC website https://www.familycaregiversbc.ca/podcast

Visit us at our office:
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Thank you!

BC Ministry of Health - Patients as Partners Initiative - https://www2.gov.bc.ca/gov/content/health/about-bc-s-health-care-system/partners/patients

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