These are my friends Zeidi and Brandon. Zeidi Chleuh and I talked with my friend Jace Saplan on decolonizing the church back in March, here . Now Zeidi is returning to One Body Podcast because I’ve asked him and our mutual friend Brandon Nickisch to share their recent journey of racial reconciliation as friends and brothers in Christ. There’s so much to say about this, but I think I’ll let their journey speak for itself.

TW: Racism

In the course of this podcast, we reference a facebook post Zeidi made just as the video of Ahmaud Arbery was going viral. He wrote:

“DEAR TRAUMA, ITS BEEN A LITTLE WHILE, I HAVE NOT MISSED YOU.

Ahmaud Arbery , Black Man, Muslim Name . The first two things most people notice about me too.

DO WE NEED VIDEO? TO BE BELIEVED? FOR PEOPLE TO SPEAK UP?

My brother and I have stopped sharing things that happen to us unless they happen to us with a witness because no one ever believes. Its gotten to the point that we just hope someone is around. Not so that we would feel safe but so that it would be believed, or so that our mom wont wonder what happened if..

BELIEVE US PLEASE! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE BELIEVE US !

IN ST MARYS COUNTY:

On one occasion, I was driving Jason Christopher Alvey back to our father’s house after getting Gas across the street at Wawa. Because the area was well lit, I forgot to turn on my lights for the 1 block trip and a cop pulled me over right before I was going to make the left turn into the church. I was well dressed, well behaved and jason was in the passenger seat. The police officer that approached the car was a white lady maybe in her mid thirties. She approached the vehicle at a normal walking pace. All was good. When I rolled down my windows to talk to her, upon seeing me, she took very quick steps back, ordered me to roll my window back up and to keep my hands where she could see them, and called for back up. Before I knew it, Right there at my church, my home, I was surrounded by 3 police cars, red and blue lights seemingly everywhere. After some time, 2 bigger taller white males approached my vehicle and interrogated me. With laughter and my hands on the steering wheel, I looked at them squinting at the reflections from flashlights and said very sarcastically “i am sorry i forgot to turn my lights on officer” and kept laughing. Jason did not enjoy my laughter. But I was taught growing up, when you can’t cry, you laugh. But I did cry that night. Maybe it had something to do with my Skin maybe it did not. Either way, jason was there so you cam believe me.

On a Separate occasion, I was driving into town, and James Greenwell was sitting in my passenger seat. I got pulled over for something minor (A tag light I wanna say, or not being buckled, I frankly do not remember).

The police officer was nice, and respectful at first until I handed him my ID. In a very short tone, he asked me how to pronounce my name and his demeanor completely changed. He Went back to his car for a while, and when he returned, he asked me if I had Any explosive devices in my vehicle. Floored, I responded “Explosive device?, Is there a reason for such a suspicion?”. He replied, “you never know these days”. I told him that I had no explosive devices in my vehicle. He then asked if he could go through the car and check and see. I could not believe what was happening. I asked him, if It was within my rights to refuse, he responded yes but that that would make it even more suspicious because if I had nothing to hide in the vehicle, then “what is the problem”. At that point, James Greenwell intervened and said “This vehicle is in my name (and it was) and I do not want you looking around in it”. The officer told us we could leave. This may have had something to do with my Arabic name but maybe it did not. I am glad james was there so you can believe me.

After returning from a trip, Lindsay Alvey and I went on a walk at along a beach, holding hands watching the waves. A Police officer approached us, and pulled me aside and asked me if I was carrying any illegal drugs on me. I was very upset, and it made Lindsay nervous so I Came down and said no. He then asked me if he could search me and check. Having Learned from the previous experience, I Said no. On a Separate occasion, while on a walk at night, she was asked if she was being held against her will by me by a police officer. I am glad lindsay was there so you can believe me.

My Brother and I Routinely experience small shop owners following us around stores. Our mother and my grandparents having experienced with us some other instances caution us about not walking out late, breathing normally if we are ever pulled over, showing our hands at all time, not wearing hoodies, and the list goes on. These conversations are part of our everyday life. I have feared for my life more than i want to remember. But I try to forget because no one was there and there was no video. No one will believe me.

Perhaps one aspect of why the idea of what some call “white privilege” is brought up, is simply a collective cry to the blind eyes. Seeing fear and risk management in the eyes of the one across from you. Mothers, sisters and wives unable to sleep until their sons/husbands/brothers have come home regardless of how well dressed they were leaving the house. Because maybe we broke, maybe we screamed instead of laughing, maybe we fought back, maybe that one time we couldn’t hold back the anger that has been building up inside, because we are human. Maybe the only reason i feel like this can be heard, is because i had white witnesses and the other stories are silenced by my own fear that it will not be believed.

ZEID , YOUR NEIGHBOR” – Facebook post dated May 7.

That kicked off a conversation with our friend Brandon. Brandon keeps a blog about issues in the contemporary church, here. We talk about his two most recent posts, “Am I a Racist?” and “Am I a Racist (Part II)” in this podcast.