This commercial has a lot of good potential material, but it’s buried under too much copy, too many copy points, and a by-the-numbers production.

This spot is supposed to be talking to people who are afraid to go the dentist…and about those persons’ feelings.

But the opening line makes it clear this ad is about what “Riccobene & Associates understands.”

No one awakened this morning thinking, “I wonder what Riccobene & Associates understands?” But plenty of people woke up with the sad realization that they really need to stop “putting off” going to the dentist, that their outsized fears might one day leave them toothless.

“Everyone else goes to the dentist and it’s no big deal. Why am I such a baby about this?” — That’s what they’re thinking, and that’s the conversation you need to find a way to enter.

Like most radio commercials — especially those produced by local radio stations or by freelancers — the spot begins with the advertiser’s name. But there’s no point in giving the advertiser’s name before the targeted listener wants to know it.

“You will have little or no memory of your visit” — Possibly the copywriter was told by the client to include that. It probably comes from a brochure (printed or online) describing the dental practice’s services.

That’s an interesting side effect of the sedation, but why is it a selling point? Not only does “You won’t even remember anything about it” not alleviate a prospective patient’s fears; it can even accentuate their apprehensiveness.

Think about it: On occasions when you try and try to remember something but just can’t, are you pleased? Or are you frustrated (and, if you’ve reached a certain age, perhaps a little frightened)?

With so many (and so many misguided) copy points, I doubt a better voice performance could have made this an effective commercial. But it definitely could’ve been approved by replacing the *“announcer voice” with a “real person talking.”

     *The voice person would object to that characterization. “That is my real conversational voice,” he’d say. “I’m always getting compliments on how I don’t sound like a radio announcer.”

xxxxxBut clearly that is someone with a radio background, and I guarantee that’s not how he sounds when he has a real conversation with a real person.

xxxxxIf a friend said to him, “Jeez, I’ve really got to do something. My gums bleed when I brush my teeth, and I’m pretty sure I have a couple of cavities. But I have this big fear of dentists….” — the voice talent would speak in a very different tone.

One final note on the announcer: Voiceover guys sometimes stress the wrong words in a sentence. Not because they’re stupid, but because getting “what you hear in your head” into your voice isn’t always as easy as you’d expect.

What’s the key word in this sentence: “The only thing you’ll feel is the urge to smile”?

The key word is “smile.” It conveys more than one meaning:

1.  With your dentist having worked his magic on your mouth, you’ll no longer need to try to hide the masticative horrors you’ve trained your lips to try to hide.

2.  You’ll be happier.

But what’s the one word the announcer emphasized? “Urge.” That makes no sense. And although I’m sure the voice talent disagrees with my characterization of the rest of his performance, upon reflection he’d probably agree with me on this one point.