On his way to Haran, Jacob uses a random stone as a pillow and has trippy dreams with distinct Led Zeppelin vibes. Speaking of stones, Jacob lifts a huge one with just his erection and then signs a seven-year employment contract in exchange for marrying the boss’s daughter, Rachel. Unfortunately, her father Laban enforces a strict “first-out-of-womb, first-into-wedlock” rule by tagging in Rachel’s crazy-eyed older sister Leah on the wedding night. Laban then insists that Jacob’s employment benefit of marrying Rachel needs another seven more years to vest. After fathering twelve children with four different women, Jacob gets revenge by painting his father-in-law’s goats, and Rachel scoops all the family heirlooms into a duffel bag on her way out the door. Just before fists are thrown, a stoned God drops by to mellow everyone out, man. (Genesis 28:10-32:3)