Named after my favorite Kevin Smith film. I guess that makes Eleven- Silent Bob and Max-Jay?

Just like Mallrats, we don't start at the mall, we start at the rat farm where Billy is running away seemingly unharmed, because of racist white male privilege probably.

Mike lies to Eleven because as we find out, just because "friends don't lie" it doesn't mean boyfriends don't, boyfriends lie- ALL.THE.TIME.

Hopper is a little too happy about El's sadness but that's okay because he will have a date with Karma later at Enzo's.

He celebrates with Joyce and almost slips on a MAGNET

and Joyce fixates on those for this entire season starting now

Billy smashes Karen's head in but not really, and then a lifeguard named Heather says "take me to him" but also not really... and this man LITERALLY can not stand the heat of facing the reality of women around him and like most men deals with that logically by kidnapping heather, I wonder if this is even the first time he's done this.

We find out that he has been recruited into being the foot soldier of a genocidal maniac but to be honest if he'd have lived in 1940 or today the same thing would have happened to him anyway.

Max takes El to the mall where she shops and explodes orange julius all over that bitch Stacey (Karma at the mall for rejecting Dustin)

Max is teaching El to be herself and to be a strong independent woman and it is literally the best day of El's life even after she dumps Mike's lying ass

Mike I know it's the 80's but shopping at the mall with just $3.50 is completely ridiculous

Hopper has to stop people protesting Don- I mean the mayor because of the mall and Hopper begrudgingly arrests them and sends them off with Calvin because he's gotta get ready for dinner (it's not a date) riiight, that's why you had flo go get you a brand new magnum PI shirt.

But Joyce has to leave work to go to the middle school science teacher's house because MAGNETS

And Hopper is left at Enzo's all alone because Joyce stood him up because MAGNETS

Dustin and the rest of the scoops troop are busy all episode decoding a russian message and Steve figures out the call is coming from inside the mall because of a song from a horse... Stranger things indeed, yall get your clues about as strangely as Spencer Hastings when she got a phone number from a bird...

Nancy and Jonathon are being the journalist photographer duo and honestly, why would their lives or careers ever drive them apart, they literally have coinciding jobs, their dream life is literally the same one, another rat pops and it's disgusting and all the other rats slime shows up at the end to save heather from Billy I presume because what the freak man? Is this a hobby? Where did you learn to tie up girls and take them to abandoned buildings because this does NOT look like your first rodeo, let's hope the rat blob saves her in time :)