https://medium.com/@verimour/how-to-see-yourself-as-sexy-21ec1c66957a

For as long as I can remember I’ve had what a friend once referred to as “White Woman’s Syndrome”. It’s that inability to step outside our heads and see ourselves in the senuous and sexy way others do. Because of that we are not comfortable in our bodies, so we don’t swing our hips or flaunt our gorgeous selves in the way of the women we idolize as beautiful.

Part of the reason is our culture and “learning” early on in life that sex is bad, therefore being sexy is bad. “Good girls don’t act like that and the more heinous and insidious, even if unspoken, “she was asking for it”. Part of it comes from not being taught how to handle the attention that arises from being confident, owning our bodies and our sexuality. Additionally, we build up insecurities over the years through repeating to ourselves perceived slights from others or unfair and biased self-criticisms.

When I got divorced 2.5 years ago I was like a caged animal unleashed. I had felt captive for so long I didn’t know who I was (sexually speaking), what I liked, and what I was or wasn’t willing to do. I knew that many people, men and women alike had referred to me as beautiful or sexy, but since I didn’t really see myself that way, I had to figure out what sexy was.

One of the first things I did was make a friend take me to a real live strip club. Now, without a doubt there are highend places that feature the amazing creatures television teaches us is the norm. However, this was not one of those. The women there each had their own form of beauty with or without perfect bodies. But what they all had in spades was the ability to make the most of their assets and be unapologetic about flaunting them. The freedom with which they moved their bodies to the music was otherworldly. While they were certainly cognizant of the men at the edge of the stage looking to hand them money, most of them seemed lost in the music and enjoyment of their movement. It was mesmerizing. The closest I’d ever come to that was mentally tapping into a great workout (which for me meant very heavy weight and total limb trembling exhaustion). But what I was seeing was foreign to me and I wanted to know more...