YES.

Oh yes indeed.

It must be something about this beast inside—

Even my first boyfriend—

My first real boyfriend.

Was—

Seriously?

Incredibly gifted.

Jesus Christ.

Right.

Jesus fucking Christ.

(That can happen.)

Well.

Well.

I've—

Wait a second.

How would you even write something like this.

My dissuasion from black men has never prevented me from being pleasured by—

Oh no.

Some of the world's finest dicks.

How's that.

Perfect.

I can't even,

(But just did)

“9 inch pie crust

How's “9 inches?

That'll work.

Just don't dislodge my IUD.

Dammit.

Really less than 9?

I mean—

I'll take

A 6

Yes!

Really?

Or a 7

Nice.

But only to play with.

What.

Ok.

What! I'm not keepin it.

I just like sucking dick.

Really?

Yes.

AHA,

—the right dick.

Well, well, well—

And if the last bitch left her stink on you—

Even if you wash it 6 fucking times—

I'll smell it in my eyelids.

What.

Your aura sucks.

What. Why.

I don't like her.

What?! Who?!

The last one.

Vibe check.

Man, you gotta stop fuckin these white bitches

White bitches:

LalalalalLalalalala

Lalalalal

No.

What?! Why?!

She sucks, bro.

Yeah but

Comfort, luxury, style—

Utility.

You can take this girl anywhere

Just shapeshift into a basic white bitch

For what

Just do it

Those are the ones that're around!

These rich ass fuckin hoes.

EASY.

What.

White girl wasted.

Have another shot.

Ooh, dad bod.

Yes.

SUNNI BLU

You thought I forgot

I did not

DADBOD.

Mmm.

Yes but also

NO, JAKE GYLLENHALL

PUT YOUR WEDDING BAND BACK ON

BUT-/

WE ARE FINISHED.

DONE.

YESSSSSS. I'm off the CLOCK.

Look, marriage is work. However—

DEEZ HOEZ GOT BALLZ

FUCK.

Nasty ass trick.

BODIES. BODIES BODIES.

What is all this fucking hotness even for if you can't work those fuckin muscles— what do they call them?

“Intercostals”

Yo— your intercostals are not the fuck muscles

Wait, they're not?

No.

Aw.

But you can use them to fuck if you want

Where's that one nigga at?!

[Skrillex]

Under some blonde slut

SLUTZ.

Nice.

Fine.

Wait.

What.

You really want that?!

Vibe check.

Vampires:

He was such a nice kid

Feeding time.

SUCKED HIM DRY

DEAD ON.

Man, I kind of want to watch that one movie where—

It was a box office flop.

Monsters;

Ohh. A weak one.

BREAK THE SEAL. BREAK THE SEAL.

You can shapeshift into a s—

Okay, listen, I am NOT going back To The Rock for any reason.

Just—- be ugly.

I am ugly.

You really think I'm trying to

ILLUMINATI:

Watch this.

DOLLARS.

WHAT. RYAN REYNOLDS

FUCK YOU.

GET OFF MY ISLAND!

I'm a DAD.

Where's the bathroom?

SLUTZ

MODELS

ACTRESSES:

see. These bitchez is interchangeable.

I love that.

Look, you walk into one of these events with anything darker than a paper bag—

Well, It depends on who manufactured the brown paper bag…

[Whole Foods Market]

Still too dark.

—She had better be the most perfect looking broad anyone could ever want.

Where's the bra straps?

You want bra straps?

Uh, yeah?!

Oh

*snickers*

Sorry.

Look, I don't want to even think about that scene where—

FUCK YOU, DILLON FRANCIS

FUCK YOU IN THE ASS.

DILLON FRANCIS

oh damn. That kid did look like Dillon Francis. Like a lot.

GET BACK HERE.

I liked him.

Did you tell him that?

No way. After that John dude broke my heart.

DO YOU REMEMBER ME?! I'M A BIRD.

Someone find Tim.

Agh.

Whatever.

Find that Smith kid I went to high school with.

For what?

I wanna bone him.

Goddamn, Madame President.

Shut up.

Damn, so.

So the president basically has an errand boy to go round up all the dick she missed out on being groomed to be the first

Black female president?

Yes.

HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

[KILL THE BITCH.]

WHY?!

I'm the most conservative bitch you will EVER find on this side of the brown paper bag test

Why is that?

AYAYAYAYAYAYAY

you understand even the Mexicans are racist against blacks—

And?!

STAY DOWN, BITCH.

Si.

Okay. You see this kid?

[The Mexican Skrillex]

Find him.

Aye aye captain.

And make sure whatever he does...

LISTEN TO ME.

¡AY¡ NO HABLA INGLES!

¡NO TENGO DINERO!

CAN IT. I KNOW YOU SPEAK ENGLISH.

IDIOT.

Okay.

Fuck it,

I'm in.

You're in.

I'm in.

You sonofabitch.

Look. I got mad love for the Mexican people.

I promise.

[Puerto Rico]

Huh. What.

You're in.

Fuck. Now we gotta change the flag.

We should do that anyway, it's soaked in the blood of enslaved African Americans and slain indigenous!

“I live on the stolen lands of the Chippewa people.”

Woah. A self-aware white woman.

See, they exist.

Bag that bitch.

Seriously.

Meanwhile—

I AM FRIGHTENED.

By what?

YOUR BLACKNESS.

.

I can't protect you from this.

YOU CANT PROTECT ME FROM SHIT,

Without your DICK.

Are you serious.

I'm done with this.

You can have him.

Are you serious.

Yes. I was born rich.

That's frigening.

Not as frightening as your blackness.

I get itz

THE NIGGAZ HAVE DECENDED UPON US.

Oh no.

Oh yes.

And worse—

What's this?

THEY BROUGHT THE HOOTRATZ.

NO.

YES.

(I love these ghetto ass bitches.)

YO BLACKMERICANS.

What's up,

CROCS. ARE. NOT. SHOES.

We know that.

Wait, what

This is a silent protest against the hostile and corrupt corporate slavery of the sneaker industry aimed at Americans living in poverty which promotes materialism and greed in the current socio political industrial complex of the white supremacy movement.

No Dillon, you have to marry a pretty little white girl like the rest of us.

But WHY, Grandmaster Freemason?

Because—

Why is that?

I don't know.

I think it's so—

I swear to god,

He looks just like him.

Would you believe if I told you,

That this

[Exact replica of Dillon Francis]

Wow.

Is a tiny black man?

Are you insane?

I like his dick.

He must be nuts.

ITS LIKE 10 FEET LONG.

What?! This guy

[Skrillex]

White bitches:

You promise?

Yeah.

GET OFF OF HIM

HE'S MINE

That's a designer ass fuckin broad right there