For so many of us, the idea of self-care is a joke. And for good reason. There are literally not enough hours in the day to do what's "required" of us, let alone take a break to focus on ourselves.

Rather than telling you why you need to make time, this episode offers validation. And some tangible takeaways that are actually doable! 

The Odyssey: Parenting. Caregiving. Disability. 

The Center for Family Involvement at VCU School of Education's Partnership for People with Disabilities provides informational and emotional support to people with disabilities and their families. All of our services are free. We just want to help. We know how hard this can be because we're in it with you. 

SHOW NOTES:

Carolyn Hax is the syndicated advice columnist with The Washington Post mentioned in this epsidoe. 

 

SLIDES:

 

 

 

 

 

 

TRANSCRIPT:

01:00:06 :24 - 01:00:34 :24
Erin Croyle
Welcome to the Odyssey. Parenting. Caregiving. Disability. I'm Erin Croyle, the creator and host. The Odyssey podcast explores the turn our lives take when a loved one has a disability. My seismic shift came when my first child was born with Down's Syndrome in 2010. I've been going virtually nonstop ever since I joined the center for Family Involvement at Lucas Partnership for people with disabilities.

01:00:34 :24 - 01:01:03 :14
Erin Croyle
A few years after he was born. Utilizing my journalism and TV producer skills as a communications specialist, a topic that comes up time and time again in my work and my life is self-care. And for good reason. If you ask a parent who's also the primary caregiver in their family their thoughts on self-care, you'll probably get an eyeroll or a laugh or a stare down that feels like daggers shooting right through you.

01:01:03 :16 - 01:01:30 :08
Erin Croyle
The reality is, for so many of us, the idea of self-care is a joke. So rather than me talking about how important it is and why you should prioritize it, I'm going to break down why self-care is practically impossible. Instead of the usual self-care gaslighting, it's time for some validation as to why we either can't seem to make it happen or suffer when we do.

01:01:30 :10 - 01:01:41 :09
Erin Croyle
And maybe offer some practical, attainable ways to take care of you.

01:01:41 :11 - 01:02:06 :19
Erin Croyle
Real talk as usual. I actually have an interview with our mental health specialist, Patrice Behar that's in the can that I can't wait to share with you. And I've got a few other interviews that I can't wait to line up and do, and, I mean, I say this over and over again because it's true. Things are just relentless in my life, and I know that I'm not alone in that.

01:02:06 :21 - 01:02:34 :23
Erin Croyle
In the past month, I did a talk about self-care to, caregivers in Ohio, where I'm from. Shout out. Represent. Love that state. Even though it's the butt of so many jokes, especially with my, Gen Z Gen Alpha kiddos. Anyway, what kept resonating with me is I was like, struggling. Finding time to edit that interview with Patrice is to practice what I preach.

01:02:35 :00 - 01:03:06 :11
Erin Croyle
So I recognize that I have been bombarded with life. And as parents and as humans, that's what happens. But what we don't really take into account is that as caregivers, that happens sometimes times a thousand, right? In this past month, my oldest kiddo, Arlo, who has multiple disabilities, including Down's syndrome, got really, really sick and when he gets sick, it's it's real, right?

01:03:06 :12 - 01:03:34 :08
Erin Croyle
A cold can knock him out and put him in the hospital. And funny enough, while I was giving that, workshop on self-care was when he walked into my office and started coughing and literally interrupted and I heard the cough and I said, for example, I'm probably going to have to manage his stuff. And sure enough, the next day I was on the phone with pulmonology, and since then I've had to rearrange a sleep study, and he was out of school.

01:03:34 :08 - 01:03:51 :11
Erin Croyle
And the steroids and other medicines he's on has has just kind of put him out of whack. And I've had to help with his anxiety getting him back to school. And the other two kiddos were really, really sick. But at different times. So then they were off school. And so of course I was sick. But that doesn't matter.

01:03:51 :11 - 01:04:33 :03
Erin Croyle
You know, we power through as parents when we're sick. It doesn't matter. So I was coughing up a storm and managing and that's what we do. But when it came time again to edit this interview and I was like, how am I going to do it? Instead of staying up and pulling all nighters like, you know what? I'm going to give that the time it deserves, and I'm going to practice what I preach, and I'm just going to go ahead and try to riff through a podcast on my own and do this presentation one, to remind myself why things that seem to be doable are so impossible, and why deadlines that we set for ourselves.

01:04:33 :05 - 01:05:05 :12
Erin Croyle
We have to give ourselves so much grace. And also why, even though I a lot for ample time to get all the things I need to get done, done. Rarely do I ever get anything done. And it's not for lack of trying and it's not for not constantly working. I don't rest, I don't practice self-care enough. But what I have preached and what I recognize is that my form of self-care this month was saying, you know what?

01:05:05 :14 - 01:05:30 :07
Erin Croyle
My April podcast is going to come out in early May, and hopefully I will edit my Patrice interview for my May podcast and get it out in May. And let me talk about why, because that validation and the relation and understanding that we're not alone in this and pretending that everything's fine and it's not, it is hard and it seems like the hard never ends.

01:05:30 :07 - 01:05:52 :22
Erin Croyle
And I don't know if that's middle age or parenting or caregiving or the world we live in, but hey. So without further ado, I'm going to go ahead and roll into my workshop on Self-care for caregivers, which I probably should have titled Self-care is a joke that We Need to Take Seriously. As I said in my intro, I'm Erin Croyle.

01:05:52 :22 - 01:06:14 :20
Erin Croyle
I'm from Ohio. I am a journalist, a writer, a speaker, a podcaster. I'm a parent, I'm a caregiver, and I'm an advocate for disability rights and just human rights. In the show notes, I'll probably put the slide presentation in there, but you're listening to this, so I'm going to kind of present based on slides, just, just take a listen and sort of picture this, okay?

01:06:14 :20 - 01:06:29 :01
Erin Croyle
And reflect on these words that I'll say very slowly. Be honest. What is your gut reaction to the term self-care?

01:06:29 :03 - 01:06:58 :01
Erin Croyle
Now take a moment to really think about it. Because for me, I really do roll my eyes. We all know that it's important, but for many of us it feels or truly is unattainable. And in my opinion, the term itself is totally overused. And that's because the term self-care has been hijacked and commercialized by influencers, and the whole wellness industry.

01:06:58 :03 - 01:07:26 :23
Erin Croyle
So take a minute to think what self-care truly is. According to the World Health Organization. Self-care is the ability of individuals, families, and communities to promote health, prevent disease, maintain health, and cope with illness and disability with or without the support of a health worker. It has origins in the medical community. It has long been encouraged for professionals involved in trauma.

01:07:26 :23 - 01:08:04 :20
Erin Croyle
So you think first responders, doctors, therapists, people really on the frontlines of the toughest stuff that we're dealing with. It has roots in the civil rights movement and the women's rights movement, and it is critical for people with disabilities and their caregivers. Poet, writer, mother, activist the late Audre Lorde said, overex