Another episode, fresh out of the oven! This one is about the unknown, and it’s a rambly one. I have the transcript below, if you prefer to read. But I’d recommend to sit back, relax, listen and reflect. Let me know how you have been handling the unknown lately by leaving a comment.

Watch Psyche Design Season 2 Episode 3 on YouTube:

Transcript:

Hello. So today I'm going to be discussing the unknown. And one of the fun things about that topic is that I actually have no idea what I'm about to talk about. So, first of all, for those of you who follow the stars, Jupiter just went into Pisces this morning. So, I've been wanting to do this topic for a while, and I thought, why not right now? Because the energy of Pisces is a mutable water sign. So this energy now, in the collective is more focused on embracing the vastness in the chaoticness of every potential emotion that can ever be experienced is one way of putting it. When I think of Pisces, I often think about taking leaps of faith and marveling at the unknown, potentially.

So my personality type pattern (most of you know this, because that's what my channel has been about) is my type preferences are ENFJ. And with that, J, the stereotype goes that, you know, the preference for judging can be a challenge for embracing the unknown, I have had such a hard time with the unknown, for as long as I can remember. In fact, I've been having some more discussions with my parents lately about what I was like, as a child, as I have been. I think it's been a year and a half ago, now that I have been diagnosed with ADHD. And I've been exploring my neurodivergent traits, reading things about that, and trying to connect some dots. Part of the reason why I've wanted to do that is because, you know, I discovered personality type theory, whatever I was 17, I'm now 28. This model of Personality Typing has been with me for over a decade now. And I definitely wouldn't be as confident as an adult and okay with myself if I didn't have it. Because so much of me even recognizing that I was an intuitive at a young age, validated a lot of the ways in which I felt outside the norm.

And, anyway, I've been thinking about the ways in which I've always felt outside the norm in one of those ways. You guys are gonna just have to deal with me being rambly this time around, because I'm a little bit out of practice whenever it comes to talking to a camera. So um, for those of you who want to take the windy road with me, thank you so much. Anyway, um, what I was going to say with that is that I, my mom was, you know, sort of telling me how even as a young child, I would get into these outbursts. When things did not go according to plan. There was one time she told me about, that I was like five. And they, my mom, said that we had to leave the living room area, we were at my grandparents, because they were painting the walls and that it was going to be a different color, it was going to go from beige to peach. And apparently, whenever I got back, and I saw the colors, I freaked out and I was like, “They are not different colors! This is the same exact color as what it was before. You lied to me!” And I think that that is such a hilarious example of I think you could really see, like, the pitfalls of my psyche, even as a young child, it would be interesting to think about what things you used to have meltdowns about as a child in throw a fit about. And if you can notice any themes of how those things in a way, even if you aren't going to act out now, those things might still tell you something about your blind spots. Because in that as an example, not only was I not someone that was very aware of the differences between the colors, but I also had an idea in my mind of what I thought those colors would be. And whenever reality did not match up to what I had in my mind. It was very overwhelming for me and somy preference for Introverted Intuition as a function I think is sort of seen here. And that my default is to kind of envision an intuitive image or symbol or whatever, kind of envision something abstractly in my mind. That may or may not line up with reality.

And I'm realizing that a big reason why I will try and spend the time to think about the future and envision it is because of how physically overwhelming it is, for me to make a decision on the spot, or to adjust to things not going according to plan.

And I think that a lot of people who have a J in their type code, a lot of people who, who are that way, who are Js, you could say, we prefer to do that introverted perception ourselves beforehand — so that whenever life hits us in the face, it's not that much of a surprise. And I think that for the most part, doing that can save me some energy, but it also could be very draining. And so part of this has to do with having extroverted sensing as a valued but weaker function for me. Because it is very draining for me to use extroverted sensing, as much as I wish that I could use it.

For me, in my type code, extroverted sensing is associated with the Forever child, the inner child as the tertiary third position, it's related to that archetype of almost like a Peter Pan-like kid who never wants to grow up. And I can very naively believe that I can just handle anything or push through anything to some extent, but I also could naively and almost childishly buckle under the pressure of a moment changing and me having to meet that moment. It could go one of two extremes. And this is kind of how it goes for a lot of people with their Tertiary function is that there's a childlike quality, both in the optimism and in the fear that you have around that thing.

So for me, I can optimistically envision my life… if I want to make a video every single week, and I want to have a newsletter every single week. And I want to make an album this year, and I want to be in two improv classes. And I want to audition for this improv class and I want to be singing in this choir, and I want to work for myself. And I want to, you know, make new friends, move out, potentially move out of the state, and potentially start dating. So if you're overwhelmed listening to that, imagine I'm being inside my brain.

So I, anyway, um, let's get back to the topic of unknown…

…and I will get back, I will connect all of these dots. So, this podcast Psyche Design has gone through many different renditions. This YouTube channel has gone through many different phases,seen me in many phases of growth. And part of what can be difficult is that once I get once you get into a routine of what works, and you follow these social scripts, of, okay, this is how I make my videos. This is how I use Twitter. This is how I, whatever… like I had everything all set up to where and what I need to do to conserve my energy is have everything all set up to where the moment I have an inspiration, the tools are there instantly — so that I don't have to make a big decision about it. So that kind of connects to what I was saying earlier, as I think as an NJ in the way that I use my introverted intuition is that I try and save energy for the in-the-moment, physical things by mapping it all out in my head before. So

I try and save energy because for example, let's say I want I feel like making music. If my MIDI keyboard is all in a box, and I don't know where the chord is, and I don't know where the speakers are. It's going to take me a lot of energy to actually get it set up. But if I've arranged my room where I have that station over there for making music and then this station over here for journaling, and then all of this that if …

Another thing I did with this is that I now have this little wellness rack or I call it my wellness rack. It's just a rolling rack thing. But I, I was thinking like, whenever I'm triggered whenever I'm overstimulated or exhausted, what do I need?

Sometimes, you know, the body will instinctively do what it has done in the past that might have made it feel more regulated… that could be tweet about your experience, tweet about your emotions, call a friend. And those things can work. But it could be taking an edible, it could be have a cup of tea.

Anyway, I basically put together this little station in my room for everything that I know, for a fact, makes me feel more regulated whenever I'm overwhelmed.

And I have only one place to reduce the amount of energy that it would take for me to make a decision in that exact moment of, what do I need to do to calm myself down? And so anyway, that's just one example of me deciding to do that took me about six months to probably even come to that conclusion. But now that I've made that one decision, it's like one decision that's kind of a one-and-done that it's going to work for me throughout many, hopefully, years.

And a lot of the reason why NJ's are very slow whenever it comes to making decisions is because of how much energy it takes to engage with extroverted sensing Rome, of making a decision and responding to the moment in that moment. So anyway, I have been, I had my little systems for making YouTube and all of that to where my, my challenge in life has always been about figuring out how to channel my energy properly. Because I have a lot of it, I have a lot of inspiration. And there's nothing that makes me feel more frustrated than if I feel like doing something and then there's too much inertia or resistance between the idea and it actually being a reality. And so like I said, I try and set up systems to make it easy for me to enter that flow state because so much of my life is attempting to get into a flow state, and it taking longer than I thought and then I feel like I will just blow a fuse internally. And then I don't get anything done and there's no fruits of my labor and it's like I've literally j