In this episode of "What are We Doing," we dive deep into Taylor Swift's latest surprise double album, "The Tortured Poets Department" (TTPD), which has sent shockwaves through the music industry and the gossip mills alike. We dissect the juiciest tracks and analyze the hidden meanings behind Swift's cryptic lyrics, all while trying to keep a straight face (spoiler: we fail miserably).

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First up, let's talk about the elephant in the room: Taylor's not-so-subtle jab at Kim Kardashian in the track "thanK you aIMee." Yes, you read that right – the capitalized letters spell out "KIM." Coincidence? We think not. In this allegorical masterpiece, Swift paints a vivid picture of her longstanding feud with the reality TV queen, comparing their rivalry to a high school bully scenario. From bronze spray-tanned statues to threats of being pushed down the stairs, Taylor doesn't hold back. But hey, at least she's turning her trauma into art, right?

Moving on to the more romantic side of things, we explore the various men who have inspired TTPD. In the opening track "Fortnight," featuring Post Malone, Swift sings about a brief but intense rekindled romance with The 1975's Matty Healy. The lyrics are as fatalistic as they are passionate, proving that even a two-week fling can lead to a lifetime of songwriting material.

The titular track "The Tortured Poets Department" is another ode to Matty, with references to his love for typewriters and their shared admiration for Charlie Puth (who, according to Swift, deserves to be a bigger artist). We can't help but wonder if Matty's ego is as inflated as his hair after hearing these lines.

But it's not all sunshine and rainbows in Taylor's love life. In "My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys," she compares a former lover to a child who destroys his most cherished possessions. We're not sure if this is a metaphor for her relationship with Joe Alwyn or a subtle nod to her ex-boyfriend, Tom Hiddleston, and his infamous "I HEART T.S." shirt. Either way, we're here for the drama.

Speaking of Joe Alwyn, the track "So Long, London" is a heart-wrenching farewell to their relationship and the memories they shared in the city. Swift alludes to the reasons behind their split, singing, "I didn't opt in to be your odd man out." We can only imagine the tearful conversations that must have taken place in their London home by the Heath.

But fear not, dear listeners, for Taylor is no stranger to controversial relationships. In "But Daddy I Love Him," she addresses the criticism surrounding her romance with Matty Healy, defiantly declaring, "No I'm not coming to my senses I know it's crazy but he's the one I want." We respect her honesty, even if we're secretly hoping for a reunion with Harry Styles.

As we near the end of our deep dive into TTPD, we can't help but marvel at Taylor's ability to turn her personal life into chart-topping hits. From shading her enemies to reminiscing about past loves, she proves once again that she's the queen of confessional pop.

So, grab your tissues, put on your detective hat, and join us as we unravel the mysteries of "The Tortured Poets Department." And remember, if you ever find yourself in a feud with a Kardashian, just write a scathing song about it – it worked for Taylor!

Don't forget to like, comment, and subscribe to "What are We Doing" for more hilarious takes on the latest celebrity drama and music releases. Until next time, keep singing along to TTPD and wondering if Joe Alwyn is somewhere out there, penning his own album of diss tracks.

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