It is okay to teach your kids that they can keep or drop any family traits and practices that they want. There are family habits and values that lead to great life, and there are family habits and traits that may lead the kids away from the type of life they want to create.

We try to have frequent conversations with the kids about the types of life experiences they want to have both now and in the future and then have them check in with which traits, behaviors, and values lead them closer to those experiences and which lead them away.

We couple this with a message that anything and everything they see in the adults and parents around them is it open to critical thought. Not everything we do as parents will serve them as they move into adulthood. Not all of our examples will be good for them.

Ultimately, they are free to decide what they want to keep and what they want to add to. They are always free to decide what they want to drop and what they want to replace with practices of their own.

There are no sacred cows. There are no ways of being that they must keep simply because they saw it in a family member. Everything is open to scrutiny. When we give kids the tools and options to weigh the ways they want to be in life and the freedom to choose or reject any parental traits, they are strengthened in becoming their own unique people.