What happens to dating when every misstep has the potential to go viral? That’s what happened in 2022, when social media posts warning about a few bad dates with a man named “West Elm Caleb” blew up on TikTok in 2022, and became a cautionary tale on the culture of public shaming. In this episode, Morgan speaks with tech journalist Tanya Chen and culture writer Magdalene Taylor about the rise of the “dating panopticon” — a world in which love, gossip, and surveillance collide. From ghosting to the hacked “Tea App,” they explore how online whisper networks meant to protect women have turned into digital minefields, and what it takes to opt out of turning our romantic lives into content.

Guests: 

Magdalene Taylor, writer, culture critic, and senior editor at Playboy

Tanya Tianyi Chen, independent tech writer and editor

Further reading/listening:

Reject the Digital Dating Panopticon — Magdalene J. Taylor, Many Such Cases

Gender Relations Have Made Dating a Hostile Act — Magdalene J. Taylor, Many Such Cases

Women’s ‘red flag’ app Tea is a privacy nightmare — Tanya Tianyi Chen, The Verge    

West Elm Caleb: The TikTok mob's latest target might not deserve its wrath. — Madison Malone Kircher, Slate 

Read the transcript here

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Credits:

This episode was reported and hosted by Morgan Sung. Our Producer is Maya Cueva. Chris Egusa is our Senior Editor. Additional editing by Chris Hambrick. Jen Chien is KQED’s Director of Podcasts, and also helps edit the show. Sound design by Chris Egusa. Original music, including our theme song, by Chris Egusa. Additional music from APM. Audio engineering by Brian Douglas. Audience engagement support from Maha Sanad. Katie Sprenger is our Podcast Operations Manager. Ethan Toven-Lindsey is our Editor in Chief.

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