A year has passed since the massacre. The widows reflect on the gunman, making this podcast series, and starting a new chapter of their vastly-different lives.

March 16, 2020. A full year has passed since a gunman walked into two Christchurch mosques, killing 51 people.

For the past several months four women who were left widowed by the attacks, have allowed us to walk alongside them as they grieve, welcome new life, and begin to build vastly different futures to the ones they had imagined.

Three of the widows and their supporters gathered with the podcast team on March 16, 2020. The lunch was held to thank the women for allowing us into their lives for the Widows of Shuhada series. They had hoped to discuss the commemoration service, but that was cancelled due to coronavirus fears. Instead, the women spent March 15 in quiet reflection.

Farah Talal, who is currently based in Jordan with her daughter Aya, has taken comfort from passages in the Quran which talk about 'The Book'.

"Ever since March, I've really understood what these verses meant and how our lives are actually a book and it's basically chapters and how one chapter's closed another is opened," she said.

"Some people leave and their part in this chapter ends and other people enter your life. And the way you live your life is the way you write it."

Hamimah Tuyan was reluctant to take part in the Widows of Shuhada podcast series, but felt she needed to use the platform she was being offered to fight ignorance and fear.

"We should live stream how happy we are to these people ," said Hamimah, "If they're trying to put fear into our hearts they have just done the opposite. We're going to move on, but they're still stuck in their dark worlds."

Hamimah said if people have questions about Islam they should talk to a real person, a Muslim, and educate themselves.

Much has changed for Sanjida Neha Jaman since March 15, 2019. She became a widow and a mother. She now has her own house and her mother and brother have arrived from Bangladesh to support her. Neha recognises how good her life is, but she's sad because her husband is not here to share it.

" I want to go to trial, cause I want to see this man who killed my husband, who killed Noor's father, who killed Farouk's dream. But now... I'm thinking is that good for me or bad?," she said…

Go to this episode on rnz.co.nz for more details