In this episode, Dr. Kim sits down with Ron Deal to talk about what it really means to build a mindful marriage. Ron shares lessons from his new book, Mindful Marriage, and how restoration therapy helped him and his wife Nan find healing and deeper connection. Together, they explore how faith, self-awareness, and emotional regulation can transform your relationship from the inside out.

 

Episode Insights:

Authenticity is the foundation of lasting happiness.

Emotional dysregulation is normal.

 Our brains respond to threat, not fairness.

Pain cycles drive repeated conflict.

Growth and redemption matter more than blame.

Quotes from Today's Episode:

'Happy wife, happy life' sounds catchy, but in reality, it's an empty promise. Lasting happiness in marriage comes from authenticity, not performance or pretending everything is okay.

Every single one of us gets thrown off-balance emotionally. Some stay there longer, others move through it quickly, but emotional dysregulation is part of the human experience. There's nothing wrong about you because you get dysregulated.

The brain can't tell the difference between a rattlesnake, a near-miss in traffic, or your spouse's criticism. Threat is threat.

Our brains are wired for survival, not perfect communication.

You don't have fifty different fights in marriage. You just have one ongoing pain cycle. Once you identify and understand your pain cycle, you can finally move beyond it together.

Ignoring your pain doesn't make it go away—if anything, it makes your pain stronger, more insistent, and harder to escape.

It's easy to point out the flaw in someone else, but it's vital to focus on your own growth.

You may not forget your pain, but you can redeem what it does in your life. Choosing redemption over resentment is liberating.

Couples Conversation Guide:

Are there areas in our marriage where we tend to "perform" or pretend things are okay instead of being real with each other? 

 

When conflict or hurt arises between you, how aware are you of what's really going on beneath the surface—your emotions, triggers, or past experiences?

What's one practical step you can take this week to be more mindful in your marriage—whether that's pausing before reacting, praying together, or choosing to listen with empathy?

 

Mentioned in this episode:

• #1 Amazon Bestseller is available! The Mindful Marriage (designed for every marriage).  

• Ron Deal

• What's your reactive coping style? We all have one. Take our free assessment (15 minutes). 

• Find Awesome Marriage on Instagram

• Need help starting the practice of prayer in your marriage? Here's a great resource: 21 Prayers for Building an Awesome Marriage

• Want an opportunity to dig into God's Word with your spouse? Find Awesome Marriage on YouVersion. We even have a plan for praying as a couple! Check out 7 Prayers to Grow Your Marriage.

• Buy 1 get 1 free on the Elevate Your Marriage Communication Course & L.O.V.E Your Way Through Conflict Course.

• If you haven't browsed our site, you've GOT to check out the marriage resources we have over at AwesomeMarriage.com, and browse our online courses at AwesomeMarriageUniversity.com ! 

• Sign up for Dr. Kim's Marriage Multiplier email for practical weekly marriage tips!

• Now is the perfect time to join our Marriage Changers program. Enjoy every resource of the month plus bonus content from Dr. Kim and Mrs. Nancy. Join now, just in time to receive our Fix Communication Breakdowns Bundle