“Hey Ruud, do you know how to fix a roof?” Ruud van Nistelrooy wants to stay at Man United after Rúben Amorim gets the job and Pete has an idea on how Van Nistelrooy can make himself useful…

Speaking of which, Marcus, Jim, Vish and Pete show sympathy for teams that are yet to play their Man United voucher. Do they have an expiry date? Elsewhere, Mikel Arteta continues to be mysterious and it’s all going wrong in Saudi for Steven Gerrard and Cristiano Ronaldo. Oh dear…

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