This week, we unsheath our sarcasm and slice into Machete—Robert Rodriguez’s blood-slick love letter to grindhouse excess. Elise, Anthony, and Nick hack through the plot with all the subtlety of a weed whacker to the face, marveling at the gloriously over-the-top kills, meat thermometer gags, and the sheer machismo that is Danny Trejo.

From CGI-removed underwear to incestuous pool parties, nothing is off limits—least of all Steven Seagal’s wig or Jessica Alba’s career choices. Elise drops in with fresh eyes (and a little shell shock), while Nick and Anthony gleefully recount their favorite absurdities, including the unstoppable growth of Machete’s actual machete. There are dick kicks, dick jokes, and a pretty impressive discussion about motorcycle makeouts and OSHA violations.

There's something for everyone, even Fairweather Fan Geoff: callback riffs, conspiracy-level deep dives into Rodriguez’s stunt casting, and even a peek at what "Machete Kills… in Space" could’ve been. Plus, if you like your fan engagement spicy, check out the Tournament of Champions and vote your favorites to victory—or at least to a hospital bed like the senator.

So grab your Matchete, rev your Harley, and join us for a chaotic celebration of the movie that proves once and for all: Machete don’t text.

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0985694/