In this episode of Think Thirsty, I dive into the difference between dissociation—depersonalization, derealization, numbness, freeze states—and true erotic submission in BDSM scenes. I unpack how dissociation pulls you away from yourself, while subspace pulls you deeper into embodied surrender, trust, and chosen pleasure.

I walk listeners through the early warning signs of dissociation, the sensory and auditory grounding tools that can help bring you back into your body, and why safewording, nonverbal signals, and pre-scene communication are essential for safe and attuned play. I also describe what subspace actually feels like, how to recognize when “going quiet” is surrender versus survival, and what partners can do to keep scenes connected and conscious.

A thoughtful, intimate exploration of kink, trauma responses, and the psychology of erotic surrender.

As always, this podcast is created and recorded entirely in my personal capacity as a private citizen and writer. It’s unaffiliated with—and does not represent—any academic, clinical, or research institution, and it isn’t a substitute for professional psychological advice.

READING:

Ambler, J. K., Lee, E. M., Klement, K. R., Loewald, T., Comber, E. M., Hanson, S. A., ... & Sagarin, B. J. (2017). Consensual BDSM facilitates role-specific altered states of consciousness: A preliminary study. Psychology of Consciousness: Theory, Research, and Practice, 4(1), 75.

Gewirtz-Meydan, A., Godbout, N., Canivet, C., Peleg-Sagy, T., & Lafortune, D. (2024). The Complex interplay between BDSM and childhood sexual abuse: a form of repetition and dissociation or a path toward Processing and Healing? Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 50(5), 583-594.

Larva, M. A., & Rantala, M. J. (2024). An evolutionary psychological approach toward BDSM interest and behavior. Archives of sexual behavior, 53(6), 2253-2267.

Wuyts, E., & Morrens, M. (2022). The biology of BDSM: A systematic review. The journal of sexual medicine, 19(1), 144-157.

Wuyts, E., De Neef, N., Coppens, V., Fransen, E., Schellens, E., Van Der Pol, M., & Morrens, M. (2020). Between pleasure and pain: A pilot study on the biological mechanisms associated with BDSM interactions in dominants and submissives. The Journal of Sexual Medicine, 17(4), 784-792.