Missiles flew, uranium vanished, and Trump live-tweeted like a war correspondent with zero chill. Iran launched a “just-for-show” missile strike on a U.S. base in Qatar—after giving everyone a heads-up. Meanwhile, reports suggest they moved their bomb-grade uranium before we even dropped a single bomb. Are we in a war or just a very dramatic tech rehearsal? Plus, AOC calls Trump's strikes an impeachable offense, and Silicon Valley execs are literally putting on boots (sort of) for the Army. The headlines are unhinged—we’ve got jokes, hot takes, and a final zinger for each.

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