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UNLOCKED! Beaver Patrol with Jefferson Dutton
Update: 2024-12-26
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Unlocked and free for all! Jefferson Dutton (@jeffersondutton, Sloppy Boys) joins the 'boys to share college stories, favorite fast food items, and reminisce on old times before taste-testing all flavors of Beaver brand mustards.
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Transcript
00:00:00
[KNOCKING]
00:00:02
This is a head gum podcast.
00:00:04
Hey buddy, this week's main feed episode is a free preview of the Do-Boys double.
00:00:11
Subscribe at patreon.com/do-boys Wow.
00:00:15
♪ Lights are going off, snow is falling down ♪ ♪ There's a feeling of goodwill around town ♪ ♪ It could only mean one thing ♪ ♪ Make ribbers here,
00:00:28
people throwing parties ♪ ♪ Of these sweaters everywhere ♪ ♪ Stalking tongue up by the chimney with care ♪ ♪ It could only mean one thing ♪ ♪ Make ribbers here ♪ At participating McDonald's for a limited time.
00:00:45
[MUSIC PLAYING]
00:01:03
Welcome to Do-Boys double.
00:01:05
I am Nick Weiger along here with a spoon man, Mike Mitchell Mitch.
00:01:09
Like baby Ruth.
00:01:11
You're pointing your finger like you're calling your shot.
00:01:14
That's right, yeah.
00:01:16
We got in trouble before the episode started.
00:01:19
We did.
00:01:20
So, Amelia.
00:01:21
You can explain why.
00:01:23
So, Emma and Jimmy aren't here.
00:01:25
I'm really not reprimanded for the first time ever here.
00:01:27
Not by you.
00:01:28
Not by you.
00:01:29
By our boss, I guess.
00:01:31
Yeah, so what happened is, Onya came in here.
00:01:34
Onya the wire queen.
00:01:35
So, what happened is, Amelia, you brought some packing peanuts in.
00:01:40
And you were telling us.
00:01:42
I mean, you're on the ball, she put a bowl of packing peanuts.
00:01:45
But we had a package.
00:01:46
Is that what the mustards were in?
00:01:47
The mustards came with the packing.
00:01:48
So, we got these mustards shipped for this episode.
00:01:50
They were packed with a bunch of packing peanuts.
00:01:52
You came in here and you're like, you can eat these.
00:01:55
Yeah, I started eating them in front of Marty and Onya and they did not like that.
00:02:00
So, you're eating them outside in the common area.
00:02:03
You come in here, you're like, you can eat these.
00:02:05
I remember, because when I was a kid, I used to eat these.
00:02:07
So, I was like, oh yeah, okay, a little bite of a memory.
00:02:10
I had one of them used to eat them.
00:02:12
I used to eat them, yeah, yeah.
00:02:13
A bite of a memory.
00:02:14
I love it.
00:02:15
And then, Dutton had one, our guest.
00:02:16
Dutton had one, our guest.
00:02:17
And Mitch, I think you were refused to have one.
00:02:19
I didn't have one.
00:02:20
I didn't eat them.
00:02:21
Someone in this room would understand though.
00:02:22
So, I'm glad that you knew what I was talking about.
00:02:25
No, I loved it.
00:02:26
I was so unnatural.
00:02:27
I felt bad.
00:02:28
I felt like I should do it.
00:02:29
But then, Casey didn't do it.
00:02:30
Onya didn't do it.
00:02:31
So, I'm not going to eat packing peanuts.
00:02:33
Yeah, I agree with you.
00:02:34
And then.
00:02:35
Hey, it's no offense.
00:02:37
I'm no offense taken whatsoever.
00:02:39
And then, Marty came in.
00:02:41
Well, so, first, onya came in here was yelling at us, telling us that we shouldn't do it.
00:02:44
And then, she went and she, like, went upstairs and got Marty.
00:02:47
She, like, pulled rank on us.
00:02:49
Upstairs.
00:02:50
She went upstairs with the head gum.
00:02:51
She went to, yeah.
00:02:52
Marty came up his own accord to reprimand everybody.
00:02:56
And then, Marty came in here.
00:02:57
And, yeah, we all got in trouble.
00:02:59
It was kind of a thing of, like, don't do this.
00:03:01
Like a company property.
00:03:03
Yeah.
00:03:04
We counted those peanuts.
00:03:06
But it should have a good biddy deal with the peanuts.
00:03:09
Oh, yeah.
00:03:11
All right, all right.
00:03:12
All right.
00:03:13
I did a little Matthew McConaughey joint thing.
00:03:16
Yeah.
00:03:17
You rolled it up into it.
00:03:18
Oh, you talking about my other bit?
00:03:19
Yeah, your other bit was also good.
00:03:20
You should do that one too.
00:03:21
I said flashback to me getting out of the shower this morning.
00:03:25
It's just holding up a limp of packing peanuts.
00:03:29
I mean, this is probably a little bit bigger, but.
00:03:33
They're like little Cheetos, like flavorless Cheetos.
00:03:38
Yeah, they're gross.
00:03:39
Also, you were just talking about how you're going to a gastroenterologist in a week.
00:03:45
It's whatever.
00:03:48
It's whatever indeed.
00:03:49
It's whatever indeed.
00:03:51
Our guest is certainly not a whatever.
00:03:53
No.
00:03:54
Our guest is one of our favorites from the birthday boys and the sloppy boys.
00:03:56
Jefferson Dutton is here.
00:03:57
Hi, Jeff.
00:03:58
Hey, Nick.
00:03:59
What's going on, Mitch?
00:04:00
Wow.
00:04:01
Well, sir, and I want to give a special shout out to all the listeners.
00:04:06
Fuck.
00:04:07
He's good.
00:04:08
It looks like the boys.
00:04:09
Looks like the boys were teamed up on.
00:04:11
Oh, why?
00:04:12
It's on the boys and together.
00:04:13
This is what I was afraid of.
00:04:14
We should talk about my allegiance goes to the birthday.
00:04:18
Yeah, we predate you.
00:04:19
No, I know the birthday boys predates both the doe boys and the sloppy boys.
00:04:22
True.
00:04:23
Yeah, one of the original boys.
00:04:25
Do we like that boys stuff?
00:04:27
I don't.
00:04:28
We're fucking pot committed to boys.
00:04:29
There's the action boys too.
00:04:30
Everyone's four boys.
00:04:31
Yeah.
00:04:32
Yeah.
00:04:33
There's others too.
00:04:34
There's plenty of boys.
00:04:35
The devil boys.
00:04:36
Well, we owe it all to beach.
00:04:37
Those are the OG's.
00:04:41
Beastie.
00:04:42
Beastie.
00:04:43
Beastie.
00:04:44
Yeah, for sure.
00:04:45
Beastie, I have to think was derivative of beach.
00:04:48
Yes.
00:04:49
Maybe.
00:04:50
Maybe so.
00:04:51
Yeah.
00:04:52
So.
00:04:53
Oh, that's right.
00:04:54
Two.
00:04:55
B.E.A.
00:04:56
is a part of both of the net.
00:04:56
You have to go alphabetically.
00:04:57
A Dutton.
00:05:00
I would like more BC boys or beach boys.
00:05:03
Tough question.
00:05:04
I was certainly one of his younger.
00:05:05
I said, Beastie boys.
00:05:06
But now I maybe say beach boys.
00:05:08
I love the harmonies.
00:05:09
I look like a composition.
00:05:10
I don't know.
00:05:11
Imagine a mashup between the two.
00:05:13
Oh, no.
00:05:14
Uh, wouldn't it be nice to fight for your right?
00:05:17
Pretty good.
00:05:19
Yeah.
00:05:20
It would be nice.
00:05:23
Listen all y'all.
00:05:25
It's California girls.
00:05:28
That's pretty good.
00:05:29
Pretty good.
00:05:30
The undo you have on that.
00:05:31
Now that the two, the huge songs were taken.
00:05:34
I don't really know where I, what I'd be.
00:05:37
And we're going to.
00:05:38
It doesn't work.
00:05:39
But they are two songs.
00:05:40
No, it works.
00:05:41
Pretty good.
00:05:42
It doesn't work.
00:05:43
But they are two songs.
00:05:44
No, it works.
00:05:45
Pretty good.
00:05:46
I want to talk about something that came up on the podcast in recent memory.
00:05:49
So Mitch was telling a truly disgusting story about having a kidney stone.
00:05:54
And the process of passing it.
00:05:56
He told a story about.
00:05:58
I don't know this.
00:05:59
Yeah.
00:06:00
He told a story about getting Mike Hanford to stand guard while he jacked off while he had a kidney stone.
00:06:04
No, you got it wrong.
00:06:05
No, hold on.
00:06:06
Hold on.
00:06:07
I'll say that's how you began the story.
00:06:08
Yeah.
00:06:09
You said you had to, you had a kidney stone.
00:06:10
You told Hanford.
00:06:11
I have to jack off.
00:06:12
And he's like, well, sure.
00:06:13
Sounds good to me.
00:06:14
And you got him jacked off.
00:06:15
And then I was like, wait, Mitch, that's the right story.
00:06:18
It was done not Hanford.
00:06:19
Yes.
00:06:20
And you were like, no, it happened twice.
00:06:22
And they posted it.
00:06:23
I did it with the bone of that bone.
00:06:25
For Donia, there was a for Donia party.
00:06:28
And we were downstairs.
00:06:29
And remember it was downstairs.
00:06:30
And I was like, I'm passing a kidney stone.
00:06:33
I might have to jack off into your toilet.
00:06:35
Right, right.
00:06:36
And you stood guard by that near Tim's bathroom.
00:06:39
Yeah.
00:06:40
Do you remember this?
00:06:41
Vagely.
00:06:42
Yeah.
00:06:43
Did you have to, you should have just said I got to go pass this kidney stone.
00:06:49
Yeah.
00:06:50
No, I told you I was like, I might have to jack off.
00:06:52
But wait, but wait.
00:06:53
How will you do it?
00:06:54
What techniques will you use?
00:06:56
Well, because also if you remember correctly, the door had no lock.
00:07:00
Right.
00:07:01
This was like a big issue.
00:07:02
And so you were kind of standing guard down there.
00:07:05
Hanford, we were going to take, we were going to take a ride.
00:07:07
And I was passing a kidney stone.
00:07:09
We were going to go, I think to Ferguson's batch party.
00:07:11
Yeah.
00:07:12
Oh my.
00:07:13
And so which is not, I was crazy.
00:07:14
He's like 10 over 10 years ago or 10 years ago.
00:07:16
Did you pass a kidney stone at like a music festival party?
00:07:19
Yeah, with Harris.
00:07:20
Yeah.
00:07:21
Okay.
00:07:22
That was with Harris and Armand.
00:07:23
So I've passed quite a few cases.
00:07:24
But you weren't jacking off then.
00:07:26
I did not jack off that all.
00:07:28
Yeah.
00:07:29
I thought that maybe I was after that was that one was so painful.
00:07:31
The one at Coachella.
00:07:32
Yeah.
00:07:33
Like I was in, I was in the porta party.
00:07:35
I was like fuck.
00:07:36
This is happening.
00:07:37
The sucks.
00:07:38
And then we went back to the hotel room that me, Armand and Harris were in together.
00:07:42
And I remember like pissing in the toilet, getting cloudy and like being so relieved.
00:07:47
But with you, it was at the party.
00:07:49
I was probably dehydrated.
00:07:51
I mean, there was multiple reasons why it happened.
00:07:53
But I told you to watch guard.
00:07:54
And I was like, I might have to jack off.
00:07:56
But I think I did just, I only vaguely remember this.
00:07:58
I took this in stride.
00:07:59
I must have.
00:08:00
Yeah, you did.
00:08:01
You, you, you, you, you were the man.
00:08:02
You watched the door.
00:08:03
You watched the door while your boy didn't jack off.
00:08:07
I did.
00:08:08
The only time I actually did jack off was when Hanford was in the other room.
00:08:11
Okay.
00:08:12
I did jack off that.
00:08:13
That time did happen.
00:08:14
I imagine rigid penis makes it harder to pass.
00:08:16
No.
00:08:17
It gives, it gives this lubricant.
00:08:20
It, it gets it out.
00:08:21
That for me, that's what, that's it worked.
00:08:23
Huh.
00:08:24
And people online.
00:08:25
This is backed up.
00:08:26
This is not just my own theory about it.
00:08:27
Right.
00:08:28
But people online have, the people online do it.
00:08:30
You're saying all this while you're holding your fake joint.
00:08:32
Yeah.
00:08:33
I was demonstrating, I was demonstrating how it went down.
00:08:36
Wait.
00:08:37
I got, I got another Fredonia bathroom question for you.
00:08:41
Yeah.
00:08:42
Remember the upstairs bathroom?
00:08:43
Certainly.
00:08:44
It had like a lowered ceiling.
00:08:46
Yeah.
00:08:47
And it had a window that kind of like went up, kind of passed the ceiling in this crevice.
00:08:52
Yeah.
00:08:53
Yeah.
00:08:54
Yeah.
00:08:55
And how do I describe this?
00:08:57
When you're passing the bathroom, you're entering, you're going through this little hallway into what was my room.
00:09:03
And Hanford.
00:09:04
Okay.
00:09:05
I wasn't going to say that part.
00:09:06
But yeah.
00:09:07
And then we had our own bathroom.
00:09:08
They slept together in the same bedroom for a very long time.
00:09:10
No.
00:09:11
It was a Madeline style.
00:09:12
We were on separate sides.
00:09:13
Yeah.
00:09:14
Yeah.
00:09:15
It was trying to say the same like bunk beds.
00:09:17
Well, it would have been, what a safe space.
00:09:19
Everyone may say shared a room with it.
00:09:20
It's a very common thing.
00:09:21
Post college, you kind of can excuse it.
00:09:23
Yeah.
00:09:24
And we excused it a little too long.
00:09:25
Sure.
00:09:26
How old are you guys when you got all that?
00:09:27
Shout out.
00:09:28
We don't need, we don't need to get into it.
00:09:29
Did we almost have a television show?
00:09:32
Yes.
00:09:33
Why did, did you leave that house after what after we got the show or now?
00:09:38
Yeah.
00:09:39
First season, we were living there in second season.
00:09:40
We were in the new spot.
00:09:41
But we had our own room.
00:09:42
Damn.
00:09:43
Yeah.
00:09:44
Because like Dave went out to live with Katie.
00:09:45
Got it.
00:09:46
I think Tim went out to live with Jess.
00:09:48
But no, this is a bathroom question.
00:09:50
Yeah.
00:09:51
Okay.
00:09:52
We had our own bathroom where you could climb above the crawl space.
00:09:55
Yes.
00:09:56
I remember this.
00:09:57
And we thought it would be funny if you were in the bathroom and we kind of reached down the little window crack and tried to grab that.
00:10:05
Yeah.
00:10:06
That was you.
00:10:07
Yeah.
00:10:08
All right.
00:10:09
Yeah.
00:10:10
Okay.
00:10:11
Was it funny?
00:10:12
Yeah.
00:10:13
Don't we pass my kidney stone?
00:10:15
Uh.
00:10:16
Mitch, can you pull your Michael?
00:10:17
Oh, sure.
00:10:18
Yeah.
00:10:19
Uh, uh, it was, uh, what a fucking.
00:10:21
Yeah.
00:10:22
Fucking amateur.
00:10:23
Fucking amateur.
00:10:24
Oh, this gaff here.
00:10:25
I just ain't doing.
00:10:26
Um, um.
00:10:27
Yeah.
00:10:28
Yeah.
00:10:29
I just podcasted and met you.
00:10:30
I mean, come on.
00:10:31
Fuck you.
00:10:32
Take it up with Casey's.
00:10:33
I want to give you a note on the air.
00:10:35
Well, you know, he was right.
00:10:36
I should have pulled a closer.
00:10:37
You should have.
00:10:38
Uh, I remember you.
00:10:39
I think you did it.
00:10:40
And I was probably like taking a shit or something.
00:10:41
Yeah.
00:10:42
Yeah.
00:10:43
Grab one of those logs.
00:10:44
I love going to bathroom.
00:10:45
You know, it was fun.
00:10:46
It was fun in that house.
00:10:47
Like during parties, if I had to use the bathroom, I could, you, you and hamper had the safest bathroom, which safest,
00:10:57
which was like in your bedroom and it was like separated from the top of the mitch list.
00:11:04
It was top of the, I was going in there quite a bit.
00:11:06
It's never VanArts basement bathroom.
00:11:08
Yeah.
00:11:09
It wasn't that one.
00:11:10
He had one in his room.
00:11:11
Yeah.
00:11:12
He had like, no, he had one in his, oh, he did.
00:11:14
He did.
00:11:15
When we first moved in there, it was like six dudes vying for essentially three bedrooms and we kind of figured out who would go where and Chris just made the push to be like, well, I kind of want my own bathroom and,
00:11:27
um, entrance and, uh, and like, I have an idea like, we could just rotate every like three or six months, like somebody gets the showcase spotlight room was kind of how he set it.
00:11:36
And of course, no, but like once you put your shit in a room, we didn't bunch for like eight years.
00:11:42
Yeah.
00:11:43
Of course.
00:11:44
So he had the spotlight showcase room.
00:11:45
That's what we called it.
00:11:46
Yeah.
00:11:47
That was a great room.
00:11:48
And you did.
00:11:49
Did you, what?
00:11:50
Did you, what?
00:11:51
He wasn't fucking in there.
00:11:52
He was just not a medium.
00:11:53
Yeah.
00:11:54
Look, there wasn't a lot of fucking going on in the house in general.
00:11:56
Oh, I have a story.
00:11:57
Well, it's not about fucking.
00:11:58
Yeah.
00:11:59
But it's a fun mitch story in the house.
00:12:00
What?
00:12:01
Fun.
00:12:02
When you first, we're hanging out.
00:12:03
We were hanging out with like some female friends.
00:12:06
Some girls who girls were hanging out.
00:12:08
One of them was like really flirty.
00:12:09
Okay.
00:12:10
Yeah.
00:12:11
Can we bleep her name?
00:12:12
I know who this.
00:12:13
I know you don't even have to say I know who this.
00:12:14
Um, I don't know who it is.
00:12:15
And it was.
00:12:16
Her name was.
00:12:17
Okay.
00:12:18
Yeah.
00:12:19
And.
00:12:20
She met you and you were like a charming dude.
00:12:22
We all went to a bar or something like that.
00:12:23
And at the end of the night, she was saying goodbye to everybody.
00:12:26
And she gave you a hug.
00:12:28
And you were smiling wide.
00:12:30
And then she jumped up and gave you a little peck.
00:12:32
I do remember that.
00:12:33
On the mouth.
00:12:34
Wow.
00:12:35
Charming fella, huh?
00:12:36
Yeah.
00:12:37
Very much so.
00:12:38
Except he was smiling so wide that she kissed him directly on the teeth.
00:12:41
On my teeth.
00:12:42
I remember that.
00:12:43
I got a teeth smooch.
00:12:44
Lips not involved.
00:12:45
Wow.
00:12:46
Only on the teeth.
00:12:47
Adentists kiss.
00:12:48
I got it.
00:12:49
I did get a dentist kiss.
00:12:50
I remember that.
00:12:51
And also everyone had a crush on her.
00:12:54
And then that was like, no.
00:12:56
That's, I mean, that's that's that ended the story.
00:12:58
I only got a, that was, that was the last time was a tooth kiss.
00:13:03
The great tooth kiss.
00:13:04
And you know what?
00:13:05
Nice though.
00:13:06
I haven't washed them since.
00:13:07
Well, Wigger, you had a dentist kiss didn't you?
00:13:10
Didn't you have a dentist trying to fucking show me?
00:13:12
I had an optometrist who wanted me to kiss her.
00:13:14
Optometrist.
00:13:15
Yeah.
00:13:16
That was an optometrist.
00:13:17
Yeah.
00:13:18
At least as a strange situation.
00:13:19
I was at first.
00:13:20
It was a weird story real quick.
00:13:21
The optometrist need glasses.
00:13:23
Kidding.
00:13:24
Mitch.
00:13:25
You look great.
00:13:26
I would kiss you too if you were in the chair.
00:13:27
No, she was, she was examining like she, like, well, I don't remember what it was exactly, but she was like right up in my face.
00:13:33
Like as close as this microphone is to my face, like looking in my eyes.
00:13:36
And she just said, and it felt like the words escaped her lips.
00:13:39
And she didn't realize she was saying it loud.
00:13:41
And she goes, oh, kiss me.
00:13:43
Get the fuck out of here.
00:13:45
I didn't do anything.
00:13:46
I just held completely still.
00:13:47
Dude, you blew it.
00:13:49
Continue to do that.
00:13:50
It's very strange.
00:13:51
I mean, I wonder what I would have done in that scenario.
00:13:54
Yeah.
00:13:55
You know, weird.
00:13:57
Yeah.
00:13:58
Yeah.
00:13:59
It's very weird.
00:14:00
That's like a weirdest.
00:14:01
Like a bit.
00:14:02
Well, it's also, it is a bit, but it's also like if the other thing, if the genders were flipped, I would be extremely threatened.
00:14:08
I would be.
00:14:09
Right.
00:14:10
But for me, I'm just, I'm just like, I like that you flipped the rolls and you were the optometrist.
00:14:17
But like if, you're not the type, but if you're a type of guy who just like, oh my go for it.
00:14:24
Yeah.
00:14:25
And like does it like maybe would it?
00:14:26
Yeah.
00:14:27
If you're on the beaver patrol to cite this week's episode title.
00:14:29
You're on the beaver patrol.
00:14:30
You might be the kind of guy who's on that to take it up.
00:14:34
Do you want to one of the original birthday boys names?
00:14:36
I pitched was beaver fever.
00:14:38
That's right.
00:14:39
Yes.
00:14:40
And uh, yeah.
00:14:41
It was, I didn't mean it in a dirty way.
00:14:43
It was a beaver with the thermometer coming off its mouth.
00:14:46
And it would like, I thought it was like a fun and animal.
00:14:48
It was named after an animal.
00:14:50
And everyone was like, they're going to think it's dirty.
00:14:52
Yeah, I guess it's like a horrible cat.
00:14:55
I got beaver fever.
00:14:56
It was fun.
00:14:57
We did dry.
00:14:58
We drew like a fever.
00:14:59
We drew the monitor coming.
00:15:00
And there was like a vague pink oval that he was kind of coming out of.
00:15:03
Yeah.
00:15:04
That's why.
00:15:06
As a nod to the other way.
00:15:08
We were on with birthday, but we went with the boy.
00:15:11
We went with the boys.
00:15:12
We went with the boys.
00:15:13
I was the right call.
00:15:14
Jeff, this morning you got yourself a Wendy's Baconator breakfast sandwiches.
00:15:17
Is that correct?
00:15:18
Which we reviewed on the pod with.
00:15:19
We did review on the pod with the sobby boys.
00:15:21
You came in here with a Wendy's Cup.
00:15:23
You still sent that on from this morning.
00:15:24
How did that sandwich land for you?
00:15:26
It's my go-to at Wendy's.
00:15:27
You're go-to.
00:15:28
Yeah.
00:15:29
Wow.
00:15:30
In fact, there have been times where I like wake up early enough.
00:15:33
I'm like, ooh, I could get a baconator.
00:15:35
And then if I miss it, I'm like, die.
00:15:36
I'm not going to Wendy's.
00:15:38
I was kind of after the baconator.
00:15:39
If it's 10.35.
00:15:41
I'm not like, no, I'll pivot to a chicken sandwich.
00:15:44
Sure.
00:15:45
No, no.
00:15:46
Yeah, I mean, if you're going for a breakfast at it.
00:15:48
We tried all of the stuff there.
00:15:49
We did.
00:15:50
And that was the one where I was like, this is far and away, like scratches the itch.
00:15:53
Breakfast baconator.
00:15:54
Yeah.
00:15:55
I wonder how it's to a Wendy's?
00:15:56
Kind of, on Vermont.
00:15:57
Okay, okay.
00:15:58
It's a funny thing.
00:15:59
I'm like, I don't know how successful the Wendy's breakfast is.
00:16:02
They kept it around.
00:16:03
So it's going to be decently successful.
00:16:04
When I got my order, when they gave me my stuff.
00:16:08
The second time they said this.
00:16:09
So it must be part of the script.
00:16:10
They said, see you tomorrow for breakfast.
00:16:12
That's pretty fucking good.
00:16:14
That's their sign off.
00:16:15
Like, let's make this a daily thing.
00:16:17
Yeah.
00:16:18
Which would not be good for you.
00:16:19
No.
00:16:20
No.
00:16:21
Yeah.
00:16:22
But you got an iced coffee too.
00:16:23
Maybe if it turns your iced coffee place.
00:16:25
I do go too often.
00:16:26
I would say I get it two times a month.
00:16:30
You're like your breakfast guy.
00:16:32
You're a breakfast sandwich guy.
00:16:33
I get it.
00:16:34
You've always been a breakfast sandwich guy.
00:16:35
I feel like I'm a breakfast guy.
00:16:37
I make eggs.
00:16:38
Yeah.
00:16:39
I love making eggs.
00:16:40
I do bananas like every other day.
00:16:41
Yeah.
00:16:42
Bananas.
00:16:43
I look.
00:16:44
I'm not in the stage to be in breakfast right now.
00:16:46
I've went out with this guy the other night.
00:16:48
And we sang karaoke.
00:16:50
It was a disaster.
00:16:51
My whole day was destroyed.
00:16:53
It wasn't a disaster.
00:16:54
You sang in the middle of the night.
00:16:56
Billy Joel.
00:16:57
The River of Dreams.
00:16:58
River of Dreams.
00:16:59
Yeah.
00:17:00
Yeah.
00:17:01
Thank you, Emilio.
00:17:02
No, no.
00:17:03
That was a good choice.
00:17:04
Wow.
00:17:05
That's fun.
00:17:06
If I have a video, I must end it.
00:17:07
Yeah.
00:17:08
We can post it of me singing in the River of Dreams.
00:17:09
But you made some merriment.
00:17:10
And Mitch, you haven't been drinking as much lately.
00:17:11
But you kind of, you all kind of went for it.
00:17:13
And you're out with a sloppy boy.
00:17:14
That's what happens.
00:17:15
We go out with a sloppy, two thirds of the sloppy boy.
00:17:17
Yeah, we're known to tie one on.
00:17:18
And same dude who's just like, I'm like, I'm getting the drink.
00:17:21
You want anything?
00:17:22
You're like, I don't know.
00:17:23
I maybe do a cider.
00:17:25
And then I was even like, I'll help you drink it.
00:17:27
And you're like, yeah, that kind of like got you.
00:17:28
I'll get a cider.
00:17:29
Say, this is the same guy who, half an hour later, will like get a round of tequila shot.
00:17:33
Yes, right.
00:17:34
Right.
00:17:35
How do you reconcile the two, Mitch?
00:17:37
It's the slippery slope of alcohol.
00:17:40
It's the pitcher plant of like one drink is too many and a thousand drinks isn't enough.
00:17:46
Once you start drinking, you can't stop.
00:17:48
You know, it's like, that's my problem.
00:17:49
Is that event horizon?
00:17:50
Yeah.
00:17:51
You can never quit it.
00:17:52
And then I was seeing that event horizon.
00:17:54
I was out of my mind and got Taco Bell.
00:17:57
Right.
00:17:58
That's the issue for me.
00:17:59
And got a bunch of glass in your face.
00:18:00
Oh, because of an horizon.
00:18:02
Yeah.
00:18:03
Take a movie.
00:18:06
We used to do that a lot at your place at Carl's Jr.
00:18:09
It was the big one that we would go to quite a bit.
00:18:12
We would leave parties to go to Carl's.
00:18:14
It's parties at your house to go down to Carl's Jr.
00:18:16
Oh, yeah.
00:18:17
I like that.
00:18:18
That's a good Carl's Jr.
00:18:19
Yeah.
00:18:20
And that was back in the days of like the Philly Cheese Steak $6 burger.
00:18:23
Oh, sure.
00:18:24
Yeah, the $6 burger, which was marketed as it's a $6 burger, but it costs less than $6.
00:18:29
Because the idea of a $6 burger was insane.
00:18:31
And then now it's like you go to Gwendy's and get a big Mac deal and you're paying $15.
00:18:35
You go to Wendy's and you get a big Mac deal.
00:18:37
I know, Mitch.
00:18:38
Give me a fucking break.
00:18:39
Right?
00:18:40
I didn't jump down and you could offer having the microphone close enough to your face.
00:18:43
It was a fair hit though, like fair hit.
00:18:46
You host a food bug.
00:18:47
Yeah.
00:18:48
And you're going Wendy's for a big Mac.
00:18:50
You guys have been doing this for a long time.
00:18:52
Almost 10 years.
00:18:53
Too long.
00:18:54
We talked about this.
00:18:55
It's almost going to...
00:18:57
I mean, I think it's almost close to overlapping birthday boys.
00:19:02
Overtaking.
00:19:03
Overtaking.
00:19:04
But it's just birthday boys still.
00:19:05
You're still the birthday boys.
00:19:06
It's still the birthday boys.
00:19:07
Yeah, we're still the birthday boys.
00:19:08
But I'm saying the time that we did stuff together, which ended after the second season probably.
00:19:13
But like, curb had more seasons than sign felt, right?
00:19:16
Am I dreaming?
00:19:17
It did.
00:19:18
Yeah.
00:19:19
And did Saul have more seasons than Breaking Bad?
00:19:21
Probably close.
00:19:22
It's funny when that stuff happens because you're like...
00:19:24
I don't know.
00:19:25
This is the soul.
00:19:26
We're in the soul.
00:19:27
I'm in the soul right now.
00:19:28
This is the soul.
00:19:29
Yeah.
00:19:30
Go Voices, this better call Saul, to birthday boys breaking bad.
00:19:33
Mitch, does this sound familiar?
00:19:39
Yes, sign up for something.
00:19:40
Forget about it after the trial period ends.
00:19:42
Then you're charged month after month after month.
00:19:45
After month, the subscriptions are there.
00:19:47
But you're not using them.
00:19:48
In fact, I just learned that 85% of people have at least one paid subscription going unused each month.
00:19:54
Thanks to Rocket Money, I can see all my subscriptions in one place and cancel the ones that I'm not using anymore.
00:19:59
And now, I'm saving more money.
00:20:02
I'm still subscribed to the DoBoys DoBo.
00:20:06
Mitch, this is you just, but Emma was telling us that one of our listeners used Rocket Money and found out they were subscribed to our Patreon twice.
00:20:15
Which is hard for us to hear because we want to support Rocket Money, but we don't like that they found this out.
00:20:22
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00:20:24
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00:20:31
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00:20:40
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00:20:50
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00:20:59
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00:21:00
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00:21:01
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00:21:50
That's rocketmoney.com/dowboys.
00:21:52
Rocketmoney.com/dowboys.
00:21:55
Here ye, here ye.
00:21:58
Here ye, here ye.
00:21:59
This Christmas Day, the Spoon Man, shall provide his personal endorsement of his Helix mattress.
00:22:06
Here ye, here ye, I love it.
00:22:09
Wags, I love my Helix mattress.
00:22:11
I'll wake up today, I'll wake up and I say, I look out the window, I say, "You boy, what day is it?"
00:22:17
And they'll say, "Why, sir, it's Christmas Day?"
00:22:20
And I'll say, "Fantastic, you know why?
00:22:22
'Cause I slept great.
00:22:25
How did you sleep, young boy?"
00:22:26
Why I slept out on the street, I'm but an orphan I am.
00:22:29
That sucks.
00:22:31
For you, for me, I have the best sleep of my life.
00:22:33
I wish I had a Helix mattress I do.
00:22:36
I wish you do too, my friend.
00:22:38
And you know what?
00:22:39
Come with me, I'm gonna buy you a Helix mattress.
00:22:41
Here ye, here ye.
00:22:43
This orphan is under arrest.
00:22:45
He's violating public decency codes by sleeping on the street like an archon.
00:22:52
You know what?
00:22:53
You're cranky constable.
00:22:54
You know what you need?
00:22:55
A Helix mattress.
00:22:56
Oh, I realize I've been getting pretty poor night's sleep on my bed of straw.
00:23:01
Yes.
00:23:02
A Helix mattress will change your attitude here.
00:23:04
Sleep in mind.
00:23:06
Mmm, that was quite a nap.
00:23:08
How long was I out?
00:23:09
For 30 hours.
00:23:11
What day is it?
00:23:12
It's December 28th.
00:23:15
It's December 28th.
00:23:18
It's December 28th.
00:23:18
It's December 28th.
00:23:20
Happy December 28th, everybody.
00:23:22
That's right.
00:23:24
A value-er-way that poor orphan boy, he got arrested for stealing too much porridge.
00:23:28
Oh, he needs a Helix mattress he does.
00:23:31
I agree.
00:23:33
Wags, I've had my Helix mattress for about seven years now.
00:23:36
Wow.
00:23:37
Wow.
00:23:38
And you know what?
00:23:39
Everyone loves it.
00:23:40
Yeah.
00:23:41
My mom loves it.
00:23:42
My sister loves it.
00:23:43
When they come to town, I let them sleep in my Helix mattress.
00:23:45
Oh, my Helix mattress.
00:23:48
I had cranky old constable loved it.
00:23:49
Cranky old constable loved it.
00:23:51
Wally and Irma love it.
00:23:53
Everyone loves it who tries it.
00:23:54
Wags.
00:23:54
You know what?
00:23:55
It was easy to get.
00:23:56
All I had to do was take a quiz at HelixSleep.com.
00:23:59
Take a little two-minute quiz and they matched me with the best mattress, which for me was the Helix Moonlight Lux.
00:24:06
Wow.
00:24:07
That's what I got.
00:24:08
And I'm sleeping on a cloud.
00:24:10
You know what?
00:24:11
It's like sleeping on a bed of snow, a comfy, warm bed of snow.
00:24:14
Hmm.
00:24:16
Here yee here yee.
00:24:18
Get 20% off sight wide plus two free dream pillows with any mattress purchase.
00:24:24
Plus get a free bedding bundle, two dream pillows, sheet set and mattress protector with any Lux or Elite mattress order.
00:24:33
Go to helixsleep.com/dowboys.
00:24:38
That's helixsleep.com/dowboys.
00:24:40
Happy December 28th, everyone.
00:24:43
Do you think little kids are growing up wanting to be podcasters now?
00:24:50
Definitely.
00:24:51
Yeah.
00:24:51
Man.
00:24:52
Yeah.
00:24:53
That's a lot of kids.
00:24:55
That was a bummer.
00:24:57
I'm really shaking her head.
00:24:58
No, she doesn't agree.
00:24:59
I don't think so.
00:25:01
I mean, the year's zoomer.
00:25:03
We're talking about Jen Alpha.
00:25:04
Jen Alpha.
00:25:06
There's a Jen after zoomer.
00:25:08
It's not the last thing.
00:25:09
They'll be the last.
00:25:10
They'll be the last.
00:25:11
Don't worry about it.
00:25:12
Man, if I have a child that will be born in a Jen beta.
00:25:19
Duts.
00:25:21
I missed those days.
00:25:23
I missed you standing guard and me jacking off.
00:25:27
You reaching for me when I'm taking a shit and getting my teeth kissed.
00:25:31
Those were the days.
00:25:32
I do have one more bathroom story.
00:25:34
Did we tell it?
00:25:35
No, which one?
00:25:36
Remember after we shot three problems in America?
00:25:38
No.
00:25:42
So this was your birthday boy's sketch.
00:25:42
It was kind of like a day.
00:25:42
If people haven't seen loosely a spoof of like when we were pitching the doughboys show at Comedy Central.
00:25:47
Jack Black.
00:25:48
I've told the story.
00:25:49
Jack Black came downstairs and he saw me and he started going.
00:25:52
Let me tell you about the promise of America.
00:25:54
He started singing the sketch and he was he had been on our show before.
00:25:58
He was on the second season of our show, but this was like a few years after he was on our show.
00:26:03
That's cool.
00:26:04
And why he's there and why he's left to go fill the meter.
00:26:09
Jack Black came over and talked to us why he's left the conversation.
00:26:12
Oh, he's going to go put quarters in his fucking meter and like that jack moment.
00:26:17
Like could that happen in front of like the exec or at least their assistant?
00:26:20
No, no one's like that would be like a show seller.
00:26:24
Yeah, no one saw it.
00:26:26
Just why girl who left and Susser was there too, I believe.
00:26:31
That's fun.
00:26:33
He would be there, but I got rules.
00:26:34
I love that guy.
00:26:35
Yeah, he really is like as good as they say.
00:26:38
What's the bathroom story?
00:26:40
Well, after we shot three problems in America on the train tracks.
00:26:44
I remember this at Griffith Park, the train tracks.
00:26:48
Did we both have to go to the bathroom?
00:26:50
It's a possibility.
00:26:51
I went to a burger king.
00:26:53
No, I know exactly what you're talking about and that was so bad and it was a jack in the box.
00:26:58
Oh, and that was bad news that we were going.
00:27:02
What did we both eat the night before or whatever?
00:27:05
I don't know, but it was it was it was one of those such scenarios where I was in the bathroom and I heard a person like in the bathroom going, oh god, she's like as it was happened.
00:27:13
But it was both of us and I had to like wait for you to finish and then I had to walk into like a post-apocalyptic bathroom and do the same thing again.
00:27:20
It was like both just like punishing this toilet with like I think they did they boarded up the jack of box.
00:27:25
I think this thing is a total doover.
00:27:28
Just bulldozer.
00:27:29
You know it's your noble where they like they poured cement over it, I believe.
00:27:32
I think even with the employees inside and then they just fucking I think they just fucking it was bad news.
00:27:38
I know jack in the box.
00:27:39
He ain't ever loved us.
00:27:41
It was bad.
00:27:43
We've shared a lot of bathroom stories together.
00:27:45
Not all of them jacking off either.
00:27:49
A lot of them were just plain shit.
00:27:52
Interesting, right?
00:27:54
I was interested.
00:27:55
I haven't heard that story and I've heard I feel like I've heard most of your shit stories.
00:27:58
We were like we were filming in like the cheapest studio like way down to in like city of industry basically.
00:28:04
Like those times where you're like out in public and you're just like in agony dying for any option and then you have a friend who's in that same situation.
00:28:11
I thought that was kind of like it was like a nice kindred spirit bonding.
00:28:15
Yeah, for sure.
00:28:16
And I was like it was one of those scenarios where I was like you've been there with me.
00:28:20
Like I like need to like like you know you know you I just had a I want to I got a I got a colonoscopy.
00:28:26
But it is a thing of like I have trouble with this stuff.
00:28:29
The specific circumstance of I just need to use a restroom.
00:28:32
It's unavoidable.
00:28:33
I'm not going to be able to make it home.
00:28:35
I'm not going to be able to make it to like a hotel room or something.
00:28:37
I'm going to have any privacy.
00:28:38
Whatever the closest bathroom is I'm just going to have to use it.
00:28:41
And if it's like a public park or like a shitty fast food restaurant with a line to the restroom.
00:28:47
It's like the worst, most degrading thing.
00:28:49
And then sometimes you just have to do it.
00:28:50
Your body just requires it.
00:28:52
Oh my god.
00:28:53
I had a I may have told this.
00:28:55
Oh, do we need to just tell all these kinds of.
00:28:58
Yeah, we do.
00:28:59
Yeah.
00:29:00
All right.
00:29:01
One time.
00:29:02
I'm really loves it.
00:29:03
After after a birthday boys kiss from Daddy show.
00:29:05
We were like staying at birds or like hanging out of birds.
00:29:08
I probably had like a spicy a buffalo chicken.
00:29:11
Yeah.
00:29:12
Let me tell you if you had to go use a bathroom of birds.
00:29:14
You were in big trouble.
00:29:15
Here's the thing.
00:29:16
Okay.
00:29:17
It's what it got.
00:29:18
One of the men's room I'm very specifically is it has both a toilet and a urinal and no separation.
00:29:23
Yes.
00:29:24
And you walk.
00:29:25
When you open the door straight ahead is a toilet.
00:29:26
So if you think about like a hallway of a bathroom, there's a toilet straight ahead.
00:29:30
So someone was just in there taking a number two.
00:29:32
Which you might see.
00:29:33
Yeah.
00:29:34
Which you might see.
00:29:35
Sometimes there were just guys who don't care.
00:29:36
Yeah.
00:29:37
Okay.
00:29:38
Well, we had a great show.
00:29:39
Oh, I'm sure.
00:29:40
Birthday boys.
00:29:41
Crushed.
00:29:42
Just from Daddy.
00:29:43
Even more so.
00:29:44
Wow.
00:29:45
So we go next door to celebrate.
00:29:46
Apparently as many spicy chicken things as I possibly could.
00:29:50
Yeah.
00:29:51
Then I go to my girlfriend's place and I stay the night.
00:29:55
The next morning I was like, oh boy, I need to stop home before I go to work.
00:29:59
Yeah.
00:30:00
And couldn't make it.
00:30:01
Oh, no.
00:30:02
I'm passing the block and I was like, birds, perfect, the scene of the crime.
00:30:05
And so I pulled over because they were open.
00:30:07
Yeah.
00:30:08
And I walked in.
00:30:09
I like sort of like nervously poked in and the bar, whatever, bar back is kind of clean in the glasses.
00:30:16
I just don't make eye contact and speed walk to the back.
00:30:20
I do it there.
00:30:21
I kind of.
00:30:22
You're home free.
00:30:23
I set up shop in the bathroom.
00:30:23
And then one of the employees walked in.
00:30:26
Why are you going.
00:30:27
Why are you doing it?
00:30:28
Yeah.
00:30:29
So you're just like sort of looking right at the person.
00:30:30
Wow.
00:30:31
Oh, dude.
00:30:32
You can never go back to birds.
00:30:33
I'm mad.
00:30:34
I did.
00:30:35
How did you react when they did that?
00:30:38
I was just like, oh.
00:30:39
And they were like, oh, sorry.
00:30:40
You can't be.
00:30:41
Oh, sorry.
00:30:42
Because it was sort of like, hey, we didn't think anybody was here.
00:30:44
We're not open.
00:30:45
Oh, man.
00:30:47
That's fucking embarrassing.
00:30:48
That's something.
00:30:49
Yeah, bar seems like it's like, oh, it's in operation.
00:30:52
But no, they just got the lights on.
00:30:53
They're doing side work.
00:30:54
They're not actually selling anything yet.
00:30:56
Yeah, I've dealt with bars that feels like are specifically perilous having to take a crap at a bar.
00:31:01
It's like never do anything to avoid it.
00:31:03
It's always like, it's always feels unhygienic and it always feels like not private enough.
00:31:08
And then like you can always just.
00:31:10
And people get mad at you.
00:31:11
Because there's always a line.
00:31:12
You just have to pee and sell it like you're the guy who's using the bat taking the bathroom for themselves to take a big shit.
00:31:18
It's like horrible.
00:31:19
I'm doing bumps too.
00:31:23
Doing bumps and shitting more as you're doing it.
00:31:29
Neil Campbell right next door was in the bathroom of UCB and a rat jumped on a shoulder.
00:31:35
Oh, yeah.
00:31:36
I heard about this.
00:31:37
Yeah.
00:31:38
Oh, okay.
00:31:39
One last bathroom story.
00:31:40
This one's not gross.
00:31:41
Also, all this is happening, by the way, because before the episode even started, I said that I have to go to the bathroom.
00:31:46
This is the truth.
00:31:47
We've got like a ticking clock for this episode.
00:31:49
At some point, you may have to go, we're talking Oppenheimer.
00:31:51
Oh, man.
00:31:52
We're like ploppinheimer.
00:31:53
We're like ploppinheimer.
00:31:54
We're like ploppinheimer.
00:31:55
You're right.
00:31:56
Good.
00:31:57
Not disgusting bathroom story.
00:31:59
UCB Franklin.
00:32:00
Yes.
00:32:01
There's all that graffiti on the inside.
00:32:06
Like, oh, you know, my best friend was here, whatever, that's the big tag, best friend was here.
00:32:14
There's other ones.
00:32:15
This is the rules.
00:32:16
You didn't know.
00:32:17
The best friend was better.
00:32:18
Yeah.
00:32:19
I don't know why he's all the one tag me, hard, best friend.
00:32:24
If you look up, there's like a hole in one of the, in like the left side wall, there's like a punch, there's like a punch hole, but it's oddly high.
00:32:31
Wait, which bathroom is it?
00:32:33
The tiny bathroom in the mirrored, in like the changing room.
00:32:36
Yeah.
00:32:37
The mirrored area.
00:32:38
You might be talking about the exact spot where the rat ran up and scoured up.
00:32:41
Yeah.
00:32:42
I bet you.
00:32:43
I bet you.
00:32:44
Yeah.
00:32:45
Um, they're also famously a very unprivate bathroom.
00:32:46
A lot of times there'll be a bunch of people like changing back there and just like, well, this is my one option.
00:32:50
Yeah.
00:32:51
There'll be improv teams and they'll be like, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, and then they'll just say, like, as they're doing that.
00:32:57
It'll be still loud.
00:32:58
It like throws off the count.
00:32:59
They have to start over again.
00:33:01
And you know, it is kind of an equalizer because I've seen like every single person have to go back there.
00:33:05
Yeah.
00:33:06
And you know what I mean?
00:33:07
Yeah.
00:33:08
Like an awful stuff.
00:33:09
Um, well, this is like during a New Year's party.
00:33:11
Back when the, the UCB New Year's party used to be like, you really don't want to go in there.
00:33:14
Yeah.
00:33:15
It used to be like all the rage.
00:33:16
And I remember thinking like, hey, this bathroom's like kind of skinny enough that I think I can sort of like put my feet on one wall and my hands on the other and sort of like climb up to the ceiling and scare the next person because it's funny.
00:33:32
And so I was up with you in bathroom scares when they're, you're in the bathroom scare.
00:33:41
So I'm like, it does probably help you get everything out.
00:33:44
So I'm scooching up, right?
00:33:46
Yeah.
00:33:47
And I'm like, scooch, scooch, scooch.
00:33:48
And I'm like, at this point, I'm like, good five feet up in the air.
00:33:50
And then I realized that I'm like blocking the light, the ceiling light.
00:33:54
Oh, wow.
00:33:55
That would be a tell for anybody that I was hoping to scare.
00:33:58
Sure.
00:33:59
But I still am like, oh, I'm going to see how high I can go.
00:34:00
And I can get, I get a little bit higher and then my butt pushed, it pushed into the wall and created that dent.
00:34:06
You're responsible for the rats home.
00:34:08
Like again, I guess I made the rats pull.
00:34:13
You could reveal.
00:34:14
It was like crunch.
00:34:15
Oh, I better get down and get out of here and get back to the party man.
00:34:19
Can I also make a confession that rat?
00:34:23
Every comedy bit I've done, he's under my hat, he controls me, pulling your hair.
00:34:27
He's pulling my hair.
00:34:28
He's controlling me.
00:34:29
Oh, no.
00:34:30
He's a really, he's a really funny rat now because I'm really funny, right?
00:34:36
Yeah.
00:34:37
Yeah.
00:34:38
That's what, that's what it translates to.
00:34:40
He's a really funny rat.
00:34:42
All right.
00:34:43
Where do we do this?
00:34:44
No more shit talk.
00:34:45
No, thank God.
00:34:46
I don't know if I have anything cute up.
00:34:50
Millions?
00:34:51
All right.
00:34:52
We'll come back.
00:34:53
What time are you 20 packing peanuts and I?
00:34:57
Yeah.
00:34:58
I don't feel so good.
00:35:00
So you knew your, so you had the New Year's Eve, it used to be, you got any nice teeth kisses?
00:35:07
No.
00:35:08
Oh, just a little bit out.
00:35:11
Oh, I have a good one.
00:35:12
You have a good bathroom story?
00:35:14
Yeah.
00:35:15
So when I was a teenager, we call this in my family, it's known as the Brown Unicorn story.
00:35:22
It's already, she's disgusting.
00:35:24
Like Dutton, I'd like to pull pranks on my family members in the bathroom, around the bathroom.
00:35:30
We're very, uh, wrong with you guys.
00:35:33
Your lives are very different from mine.
00:35:34
Keep going.
00:35:35
Just like, both bathroom pranks a lot.
00:35:37
So I was doing this thing where I would put raisinets in the toilet and I wait for my dad's scorpion to find them.
00:35:46
Wait.
00:35:47
Oh, your dad's scorpion, right?
00:35:48
This was between the ages of like 10 and 20.
00:35:51
Okay.
00:35:52
Okay.
00:35:53
This is great.
00:35:54
Yeah.
00:35:55
Good range.
00:35:56
But this story takes place from when I was maybe like 15, 16 years.
00:35:57
Okay.
00:35:58
You were 15 at the time.
00:35:59
I was putting raisinets.
00:36:00
Exactly in the middle between 10 and 20.
00:36:03
Also a huge swath of time where you like changes an individual like more than you do at any point in your life.
00:36:10
I didn't change at all.
00:36:12
So, oh, so I was putting raisinets in the toilet.
00:36:15
I was putting baked beans on the rim of the toilet and leaving it there for a scorpion to find.
00:36:21
Jesus.
00:36:22
And he'd be like, "Haha, you have very funny."
00:36:25
And then he'd like, you know, he didn't think it was funny.
00:36:28
Yeah.
00:36:29
You didn't raisinets.
00:36:30
Raisinets is funny because it's like rabbit turns.
00:36:33
Yeah.
00:36:34
I've had some raisinets.
00:36:35
I've been there.
00:36:36
I've been in that area before.
00:36:37
I keep going, keep going.
00:36:38
Big raisinets.
00:36:39
Oh, okay.
00:36:40
I'll make it quick.
00:36:41
I've seen a raisinet that big.
00:36:42
Well, one day I took a shit that somehow breached the surface of the toilet.
00:36:50
Oh, my gosh.
00:36:51
Yeah.
00:36:52
Wait.
00:36:53
You mean the water or the bowl?
00:36:54
The bowl.
00:36:55
The bowl.
00:36:56
Wow.
00:36:57
Yeah.
00:36:58
Like, it just like stood on a branch outside.
00:37:02
I don't know how it happened, but it wasn't even, it was out of the water, out of the rim of the bowl.
00:37:08
Washington Monument, but breads.
00:37:10
Exactly.
00:37:11
It looked just like that.
00:37:12
And I was like, you know, what would it be funny?
00:37:16
If I left it here.
00:37:18
I left it.
00:37:19
Well, I did try.
00:37:20
I tried to flush it and it didn't go down.
00:37:27
And let me guess, Scorpio is like, oh, one of these big raisinets.
00:37:32
You're exactly right.
00:37:34
Scorpion went in and he was like, ha, very funny, baked beans again and he touched it.
00:37:40
No.
00:37:41
He sniffed it.
00:37:42
And he was like, oh, he ate it.
00:37:43
Scorpion.
00:37:44
He's disgusting.
00:37:45
Amelia, you're making me get it.
00:37:52
And then he washed his hands and now it's known as the brown unicorn.
00:37:56
How did you unclog the toilet?
00:37:59
Well, it wasn't clogged.
00:38:00
He's actually scorpion was even.
00:38:03
Well, you tried to flush it and it didn't flush and then I left it because I thought it would be funny.
00:38:08
Yeah.
00:38:09
Scorpion touched it.
00:38:12
Here's the thing.
00:38:13
Why would you even touch it even if it was baked beans?
00:38:15
Yeah, sure.
00:38:16
Why would you touch anything brown that's in or around?
00:38:18
Well, you've tried rolls so many times.
00:38:20
You figured it wasn't.
00:38:21
It's true.
00:38:22
Yeah.
00:38:23
He just threw it back and he said, why would you do what you did?
00:38:30
He said he broke it up into little pieces and then flushed it.
00:38:32
Not it.
00:38:33
Oh, my God.
00:38:34
Yeah, get the head clippers.
00:38:35
We're going to start.
00:38:36
Chunking this up.
00:38:37
It's probably because you eat packing peanuts that they're so fucking, it probably is a part of the reason why these things are like coming out.
00:38:46
So.
00:38:47
Yes.
00:38:48
Look, I don't know how this maybe is a one rare instance of the brown unicorn, but that really almost made me wretch.
00:38:54
Really?
00:38:55
I was truly the most revolting sting that maybe has ever been set on the podcast.
00:38:59
Yeah.
00:39:00
And also on any podcast, which well that is not also it's not surprising for us either.
00:39:06
Yeah.
00:39:07
I loved it.
00:39:09
The lactite spire, hooking out of a fucking toilet bowl like a middle finger at Almighty God.
00:39:16
Disgusting.
00:39:17
You should, that is, that is a really beautiful rendition.
00:39:21
Well, it's yours.
00:39:23
Okay.
00:39:24
So let's talk about beaver patrol.
00:39:26
Let's shift from ship to mustard because shit is brown, chicken sometimes be yellow.
00:39:31
Mustard is yellow.
00:39:32
Can sometimes be brown.
00:39:34
We're going to talk about the whole gamut of different mustard varietals here.
00:39:37
And this is stuff that instead of coming out of your asshole goes into your mouth.
00:39:41
So that's a key.
00:39:42
It's mustard and shit.
00:39:43
Can I be a reverse tenet?
00:39:44
It's a tenet.
00:39:45
Oh, right.
00:39:46
Goes in your mouth.
00:39:47
No, it's a tenet.
00:39:48
It's a straight up tenet.
00:39:49
No, I mean, is it a reverse tenet?
00:39:50
The reverse tenet is when you're shitting.
00:39:52
No, reverse tenet was your sucking shit up into your ass.
00:39:54
Yeah, but we call it shitting reverse tenet.
00:39:56
Yeah.
00:39:57
Yeah.
00:39:58
So this is a reverse tenet.
00:39:59
This is your reverse tenet.
00:40:00
Yeah.
00:40:01
Absolutely.
00:40:02
Of a way, in a sense.
00:40:05
So here's the thing.
00:40:06
I want to do this episode, not get into this truly disgusting subject matter.
00:40:11
I want to talk about these mustard because I love them.
00:40:13
I am a big fan of the beaver brand mustard's Beaver tin foods.
00:40:17
The company was founded in 1929.
00:40:19
So it is a 95th year of operation.
00:40:21
This is an OG business.
00:40:24
Founded by Italian immigrant Rose Beegee, who bottled horse radish and her sellers to revive the Great Depression.
00:40:31
Beaver brand is the first brand to sell horse radish cream and also the first brand to sell honey mustard commercially.
00:40:37
Wow.
00:40:38
We're going to taste their honey mustard.
00:40:40
Has a wave of condiments, but it's focused is mustard and that's what we're tasting today.
00:40:43
We brought on our boy.
00:40:44
The biggest fan of beaver there is.
00:40:46
Yeah.
00:40:47
We're here on beaver patrol.
00:40:48
Yeah.
00:40:49
With a man who's continually on the prowl, trying to trap the beaver.
00:40:53
So beaver brand mustard's were first introduced to me by my brother, Nate Weiger.
00:40:58
He was a big like, you got to try this beaver stuff.
00:41:00
And one of them, in particular, a few of these, but in particular, the sweet hot mustard.
00:41:05
Why was it funny?
00:41:06
He said it.
00:41:07
Dude, I swear we had an interaction years ago.
00:41:10
We mustard came up.
00:41:11
Yes.
00:41:12
And I was talking about that Engelhofer sweet hot mustard.
00:41:15
Right.
00:41:16
And like, that's kind of my go to.
00:41:17
And I can't find that or let's be honest, this is way cheaper.
00:41:20
It is.
00:41:21
I'll get the beaver sweet hot and I mentioned it to you and I remember you being like, that's a good mustard.
00:41:26
Yeah.
00:41:27
It's a great mustard.
00:41:28
Beaver sweet hot.
00:41:29
Beaver sweet hot mustard.
00:41:30
Yeah.
00:41:31
We know you are also a mustard enthusiast though.
00:41:32
I was so pumped about mustard and I like do all different kinds and stuff like.
00:41:35
I like the natural ones that are like very seedy.
00:41:38
Yeah.
00:41:39
That are almost.
00:41:40
Remember, flown.
00:41:41
Flown.
00:41:42
I remember flown.
00:41:43
There's gack and then there's flown.
00:41:45
Oh, flown.
00:41:46
Okay.
00:41:47
Or flown.
00:41:48
No, but I thought you were talking about a condiment.
00:41:49
I was like trying to place it.
00:41:50
No, because it's got.
00:41:51
It's got.
00:41:52
Yeah.
00:41:53
It's got little pellets of styrofoam in it about the size of a mustard seed and a kind of a strider about it.
00:41:58
He's not.
00:41:59
I'll send him a deck.
00:42:00
Is it?
00:42:01
Wait.
00:42:02
Oh, Nicolote.
00:42:03
Yeah.
00:42:04
He didn't have a weird flown thing.
00:42:05
I hope.
00:42:06
No, he had a lot of weird things, but I don't know.
00:42:07
He's wagged his front.
00:42:08
Anyway, a good natural mustard is going to be a lot a little like flown.
00:42:11
It's going to be a little flown me.
00:42:12
I know what you're saying.
00:42:13
And I get that.
00:42:14
I can't tell it in the pod, but oh, I would love to tell it after I get what you're saying with flown.
00:42:21
I'm not my friend.
00:42:22
This is not just a clarify, but secret dancedider story.
00:42:25
He's not my friend.
00:42:26
Yeah.
00:42:27
The thing with flown is another non edible thing like packing peanuts.
00:42:32
Yeah.
00:42:33
You're not supposed to eat it, but I know the texture of flown that you're talking about in the mouth.
00:42:37
In the mouth.
00:42:38
In the mouth.
00:42:39
I mean, you're not supposed to eat it.
00:42:40
But I know what you're talking about.
00:42:41
By the way, when Nate Wiger said, I got to get you some beaver.
00:42:44
I don't think he was talking about that.
00:42:48
I'm glad that that's what you settled on.
00:42:51
Thanks Nate.
00:42:52
I got some of you just like coming home with 70 monsters.
00:42:56
I used a search engine for beaver.
00:42:58
All to all to Vista told me that beaver brand is what I'm like, time to get accurate.
00:43:04
Okay.
00:43:05
So we have.
00:43:06
I'm going to list these all off, but I think when we're actually going to go through these is in order of like most normal and like most conventional, most classic.
00:43:14
So we've got a Chinese mustard.
00:43:15
We've got a classic yellow mustard, a Koney Island mustard, a cranberry mustard, deadly mustard, Dijon mustard, mild Dijon mustard, ghost pepper mustard, hickory bacon mustard, honey mustard, jalapeno mustard, stone ground mustard,
00:43:26
and sweet hot mustard.
00:43:27
Let's start with a classic yellow.
00:43:29
Man.
00:43:30
Hand us all a plate.
00:43:31
Why would you?
00:43:32
Actually, green nuke the pretzels quickly.
00:43:33
Yes.
00:43:34
Okay.
00:43:35
And how do you, do you need a bathroom break?
00:43:36
Because this will be opportunity.
00:43:37
No.
00:43:38
I'm going to keep defiant.
00:43:39
No.
00:43:40
I'm going to keep going.
00:43:41
All right.
00:43:42
Thank you, Amelia.
00:43:43
No.
00:43:44
All right.
00:43:45
So I'm going to start.
00:43:46
As I do this, I'm going to just going to put a little bit, a little reservoir in everyone's plate.
00:43:50
How about that?
00:43:51
And what do you think about the beaver brand?
00:43:52
I like the idea of each of us having a plate.
00:43:54
You squirt your mustard and you pass it around.
00:43:55
Okay.
00:43:56
Okay.
00:43:57
At least your own squirt.
00:43:58
One thing I like about the beaver brand is they've got like a big wide mouth nozzle.
00:44:02
Like I like that it's like pretty easy to get out of there.
00:44:04
Like a big slam.
00:44:05
Yes.
00:44:06
It is like a big slam.
00:44:07
Oh, fucking.
00:44:08
There's residue.
00:44:09
Don't worry about it.
00:44:10
I got a little.
00:44:11
It's funny that, you know, you think of condiments, you immediately think of hines.
00:44:15
Sure.
00:44:16
But French is just like nobody's touching French's.
00:44:18
Is this like, is this going to even touch French's?
00:44:21
I don't know.
00:44:22
I think that I mean, I love French's, I do like a yellow French's mustard.
00:44:26
It's great.
00:44:27
Yeah.
00:44:28
But I think some of these specialty monsters are pretty damn good.
00:44:32
I agree.
00:44:33
And here's what I will say is that I don't feel as strongly about the French yellow mustard as they do about the hines basic ketchup as just a baseline.
00:44:44
Sure.
00:44:45
And I've actually had hines ketchup and I'm sorry, hines mustard.
00:44:48
Isn't that weird to come across when you're like, huh?
00:44:50
Yeah.
00:44:51
Hines mustard.
00:44:52
Well, I got it at Costco because they had a pack of mustard ketchup and relish.
00:44:54
So I was like, all right, fine.
00:44:55
I'll give this a go.
00:44:56
And I was having this like this.
00:44:57
And the mustard ain't bad.
00:44:58
That's how they get you.
00:44:59
Yeah.
00:45:00
That's how they get you.
00:45:01
Yeah.
00:45:02
And relish, you got the relish last for a long time.
00:45:04
And sweet relish, dude.
00:45:05
Yeah.
00:45:06
Not my thing.
00:45:07
Not my deal, dude.
00:45:08
I like the Delmore.
00:45:09
You like the Delmore?
00:45:10
Yeah.
00:45:11
I like sweet relish, okay.
00:45:12
The one I got at Costco was great.
00:45:13
I went through it.
00:45:14
But like, yeah, if I'm buying them all a cart, I will not opt for the hines mustard and I would not opt for the sweet relish.
00:45:19
Coney Island mustard.
00:45:20
That's an interesting one.
00:45:21
I don't, I wonder what the deflaver did.
00:45:23
I'm sure that a lot of New York people are mad here, but a mustard, Joey Chess not must be.
00:45:28
That's right.
00:45:29
Well, some of these, I'm less familiar with like some of these I've never had.
00:45:32
I thought there were maybe four or five tops, like I'd seen, you know, four or five tops.
00:45:38
Here's what I'm going to do.
00:45:39
I'm going to take the Dejon next and I'm going to squeeze a little bit on my plate and we can just kind of keep going with the control right now.
00:45:47
I think that.
00:45:48
Oh, God.
00:45:49
I got a little pre-come here.
00:45:51
Jesus Christ.
00:45:52
I didn't shake it up.
00:45:53
So it got a little puzzle separated vinegar.
00:45:57
There we go.
00:45:58
There's a nice little healthy.
00:45:59
My play looks like it's got a little cream on there.
00:46:01
So this is the regular Dejon and then we've also got the mild Dejon, mild Dejon.
00:46:09
That's getting very close to his other musters.
00:46:11
Slight possibility of contamination.
00:46:13
This one is made with white wine.
00:46:15
I'm not sure what I guess we'll just, it'll just have a just a milder flavor.
00:46:18
Wait, are we are we going to dump all musters before we start tasting?
00:46:22
No, this is a habit.
00:46:23
I just figured we could get ahead of it a little bit.
00:46:26
All right.
00:46:27
So here's, I'm going to grab one of these pretzels.
00:46:29
We got these soft pretzels.
00:46:30
Friend, were these Amelia?
00:46:32
Super pretzels.
00:46:34
What was that?
00:46:35
Super pretzels.
00:46:36
Branded super pretzels.
00:46:37
That's where it was.
00:46:38
Got it.
00:46:39
So we have some microwave soft pretzels that we're using for dipping.
00:46:40
And I said, ooh, super pretzels.
00:46:41
Then you said, I said, I love them and you said, one man's trash.
00:46:44
That's what you said to me.
00:46:47
I remember that, Amelia.
00:46:50
Okay.
00:46:51
The yellow musters.
00:46:52
Very judgey.
00:46:53
I didn't judge you when you left a giant duchy fucking coming out of your toilet.
00:46:57
It was almost wretched.
00:47:04
Okay.
00:47:05
Okay.
00:47:06
The yellow mustard is very standard.
00:47:07
The Dijon mustard.
00:47:08
I understand why they have a mild Dijon is like kind of like almost choke a little bit there because that Dijon is pretty potent.
00:47:14
Let me try the mild for.
00:47:15
All right, right.
00:47:16
What's going on now?
00:47:17
We like that D's.
00:47:18
I do like the D's.
00:47:19
And I do like that mild quite a bit.
00:47:22
It's got almost a little bit more tang to it.
00:47:25
So the vinegar stands all over it.
00:47:28
Okay.
00:47:29
So the Dijon that sting, that's not a horseradish sting.
00:47:34
That's just straight up mustard seed sting, right?
00:47:36
Yeah, I'm not sure if this one has added horseradish.
00:47:39
They do have horseradish mustard.
00:47:40
Right.
00:47:41
But like that sort of like wasabi creeping sinus sting that you associate with horseradish.
00:47:47
You also get it from mustard.
00:47:48
Right.
00:47:49
Dijon mustard.
00:47:50
This one's pretty potent.
00:47:51
Ooh.
00:47:52
Okay.
00:47:53
I like it.
00:47:54
It low goes a long way with that proper Dijon.
00:47:58
Yeah, I like Dijon's good.
00:48:04
Mitchell, what's your favorite part about the holidays?
00:48:07
Me, I like just being cozy during the winter months.
00:48:10
I'll tell you what my favorite is.
00:48:12
Those turkey dinners.
00:48:13
Oh, yeah.
00:48:14
Heck yeah.
00:48:15
I love those turkey dinners.
00:48:17
You know, for some people it's wrapping up in a blanket with a mug of hot chocolate or watching a movie, a Christmas movie, or holiday movie with family.
00:48:25
It's the best way to spend the month of December.
00:48:28
You know what, though, Wags?
00:48:30
Therapy is a great way to bring yourself some comfort that never goes away, even when the season changes.
00:48:35
Mitchell and I both benefited from therapy.
00:48:38
And true.
00:48:39
I can say it always makes me feel like a better version of myself and whether you've been in therapy or not, there are benefits like learning positive coping skills.
00:48:47
How to set boundaries.
00:48:49
It empowers you to be the best version of yourself and here you hear you.
00:48:53
It isn't just for those who've experienced major trauma.
00:48:55
That's correct, Wags.
00:48:56
You know, every time I've been in therapy, I told you this before, I said it on the pod.
00:49:00
It's like going to the gym, you get the gunk out, you talk to somebody, you feel better.
00:49:05
And hey, if you're thinking of starting therapy, give better help a try.
00:49:08
It's entirely online designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule.
00:49:12
Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapist at any time for no additional charge.
00:49:20
Here you hear you.
00:49:21
Find comfort this December with better help.
00:49:23
Visit betterhelp.com/dowboystoday to get 10% off your first month.
00:49:27
That's better help, h-e-l-p.com/dowboys.
00:49:30
Do it.
00:49:33
Mitch, let's be honest what most people really want for the holidays is to see their favorite people more often.
00:49:39
That's why this year, the best gift you can give besides plane tickets is an or a digital picture frame.
00:49:43
That's right, wags.
00:49:46
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00:49:56
Plus, you can order the frame online and preload it with photos and videos using the aura app.
00:50:01
So it's ready to go right out of the box.
00:50:06
Here yee, here yee.
00:50:07
My parents always want to see what I'm up to and hey, the aura frame is one of the best ways to show that can share photos of all the trips we take, all the meals we eat,
00:50:19
all the cool people we meet and all those can go right in there and your Hollywood and your Hollywood holiday memories.
00:50:26
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00:50:28
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00:50:37
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00:50:42
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00:50:48
Here yee, here yee.
00:50:52
KC, where do you stand on mustard, Wolf Klee?
00:50:58
Uh, I like mustard.
00:50:59
Uh, I'm like, uh, I'm, uh, when I eat a hot dog, just mustard, please.
00:51:04
Yeah.
00:51:05
That's how I just mustard.
00:51:06
Don't catch up.
00:51:07
I just straight up yellow mustard.
00:51:08
Kinda, I mean, I'll kinda go with whatever they got.
00:51:14
I love going to, like, uh, this place downtown.
00:51:17
Like, uh, those, those brought places, like, worst-couch.
00:51:19
Oh, yeah, those are fun.
00:51:20
They got, like, a variety of- Yeah, a bunch of different sausages, yeah.
00:51:24
Yeah, yeah.
00:51:25
I'll try them all.
00:51:26
Those are a hoot.
00:51:27
Uh, these are all good.
00:51:29
Call Dr.
00:51:29
Guillaume, 'cause this is a sinus cle- cleanser.
00:51:32
That's my auntie, Dr.
00:51:33
Guillaume.
00:51:34
I'm gonna go back to that D-john.
00:51:37
Yeah, I like the D-john.
00:51:38
You're gonna listen to me.
00:51:39
I might, like, I- (laughs)
00:51:41
What did you want from that?
00:51:42
Okay.
00:51:43
(laughs)
00:51:45
Call Dr.
00:51:46
Guillaume, wags.
00:51:47
Hmm.
00:51:48
Well.
00:51:49
I kinda like the, the mild more, I think.
00:51:53
I like both of them.
00:51:54
They're both good.
00:51:55
If it's on a sandwich, I don't know, it's, it's funny to go, like, straight to the dome with these.
00:52:00
It is.
00:52:01
Like, under what circumstances are you having this much mustard?
00:52:03
Look, I don't want to cause any, I don't want to cause any panic, but I think we might need more pretzels.
00:52:08
Oh, I have a different body.
00:52:09
You have a different body.
00:52:10
I'm not gonna use the Packing Beas, which Amelia put in a bowl.
00:52:14
Well, I've eaten so far.
00:52:15
Look, we have, like, 14 musters to get through.
00:52:17
Tasted three of them.
00:52:18
I've eaten half, half of one soft pretzels, so we might have enough with the remaining pretzels we have.
00:52:23
We also have another pack of, um, super, super.
00:52:26
And we have hard pretzels, if you want to do that.
00:52:28
All right, I'm gonna, I've got the next three.
00:52:30
Let's do 'em.
00:52:31
Let's, we got a honey mustard.
00:52:32
We got a deli mustard.
00:52:33
We got a stone ground mustard.
00:52:34
Now, do you want me to do all these firsts?
00:52:35
Or do you want to, should we do--?
00:52:37
I think I got to try these all on their own.
00:52:38
Okay.
00:52:39
That's a good yellow mustard.
00:52:41
Right?
00:52:42
Yeah.
00:52:43
There's the honey mustard that's being circulated.
00:52:46
Um, the deli mustard is up next.
00:52:48
Now, this is the thing is, like, the individual bottles don't necessarily have a lot of context for what the flavors are.
00:52:53
They're just kind of the same copy on each of them.
00:52:56
Let me tell you, does that get older just the, like, a horseradish?
00:52:59
I like a good horseradish.
00:53:01
I like a-- Me too.
00:53:03
I put it in tuna.
00:53:04
Oh, my goodness.
00:53:05
What a big glob in there.
00:53:07
Oh, that deli.
00:53:08
That's got that flome.
00:53:09
Yeah.
00:53:10
We got the-- and then we've got the stone ground, which I think is even more flomey.
00:53:13
Fuck yeah.
00:53:14
Well, that stone ground is lots of-- lots of stones in it.
00:53:18
Um, honey mustard, I was introduced to at, I think, Wegmans in-- Oh, yeah.
00:53:23
Uh, that's a delectable honey mustard.
00:53:27
I love that.
00:53:28
Wegmans so much.
00:53:29
Yep.
00:53:30
I will say this beaver brown honey mustard, white gum.
00:53:32
Okay.
00:53:33
I'm going honey.
00:53:34
I'll try the deli mustard now.
00:53:37
Deli-- like, do you like the visible granules when you get the deli mustard?
00:53:41
I do like that.
00:53:42
Mm-hmm.
00:53:43
It's really fun.
00:53:44
All right.
00:53:45
Going into the honey mustard.
00:53:46
Ooh.
00:53:47
That's-- that's interesting.
00:53:48
Honey is light and sweet.
00:53:49
Honey mustard is good.
00:53:50
Where do you eat honey mustard with?
00:53:53
I mean, honestly, it's a little overpowering on the sandwich.
00:53:57
I like it on the sandwich.
00:53:59
I mean, oh, yeah.
00:54:00
What was that?
00:54:01
Was that a toilet flush?
00:54:02
Well, that was-- I went to open a video that Emma sent us of Gemini getting groomed at Jess Rona.
00:54:07
Wow.
00:54:08
And it-- it made a lot of noise.
00:54:11
I'm sure it'll be all over social by the time we-- this episode's out.
00:54:14
Yeah.
00:54:15
I'm going to heat up that other pack of supers.
00:54:17
Thank you.
00:54:18
Mm-hmm.
00:54:19
Deli.
00:54:20
Okay.
00:54:21
All right.
00:54:22
A lot of chewing this episode, uh, apologies to our listeners, uh, who have misophonia and remind us that it is real.
00:54:26
I think I would go with the, um, I think I'd go with the stone ground mustard.
00:54:30
I'm-- I agree.
00:54:31
The stone ground is great.
00:54:32
But I do like that honey mustard a lot as honey mustard go.
00:54:34
I agree with you that honey mustard is pretty situational.
00:54:38
There's a lot of context where-- yeah, it's just like almost like this becomes the, the mustard is becoming the star of the show.
00:54:45
And I don't necessarily need that for my mustard.
00:54:48
But they're, they're times when I like honey mustard.
00:54:51
Like not like a burger.
00:54:52
I'm not going to do that at burger.
00:54:54
Nuggets.
00:54:55
Yeah.
00:54:56
Nuggets actually absolutely works.
00:54:57
And honestly, I think something that context like dipping a soft pretzel is like where honey mustard is, is, you know, proven it's metal.
00:55:02
What do you think that?
00:55:03
I used to get it on that, that Wegman's like, what was it called a Danny's favorite or something like that?
00:55:09
It was just like the Italian kind of three meat, sure, big old sub.
00:55:14
And I like to just, because it's a mustard, but it's also kind of like a sweet glaze, you know.
00:55:18
Mm.
00:55:19
It was nice on a big fat sub.
00:55:21
Um, I keep coming back to that Dijon.
00:55:23
The Dijon's good.
00:55:25
That's the Dijon's very good.
00:55:26
Still, still kind of the winner for me.
00:55:27
Yeah.
00:55:28
But that is, there's got to be horseradish in that, right?
00:55:31
It is very, I don't know.
00:55:34
Okay.
00:55:35
So the, the next step we have a Coney Island.
00:55:37
Now, this is mustard rich with onions, pickles and tomatoes.
00:55:40
Okay.
00:55:41
So that's what's going on there.
00:55:42
That's what makes it Coney.
00:55:43
Um, I'm going to squeeze myself a little dollop here.
00:55:46
Oh, man.
00:55:47
Look, like I said, called Dr.
00:55:49
Gia, just, my sinuses get fucking cleared out every time I have a bite of that Dijon mustard.
00:55:54
Now, this one we're talking about, you know, a heat here.
00:55:57
I wonder if we should hold off on this one.
00:55:58
Maybe I will, because the Chinese mustard says it's extra hot.
00:56:01
So maybe we'll do this cranberry mustard.
00:56:03
This is rich with honey and tea, cranberries.
00:56:06
And then for audio listeners, this one has a deep purple hue.
00:56:09
Like this one almost looks like Ube.
00:56:11
It really looks nothing like the mustard so that we've had so far.
00:56:15
I guess that cranberry is just so, you know, well, why, I'm looking at this right now.
00:56:20
I just, I'm reading the back of this bad boy here.
00:56:24
Now, spending four generations, our family owned and operating business is as passionate today as when grandma rose into the mic, when our grandma rose sold our very first jar,
00:56:36
creating award winning condiments with bold flavors is our love in life.
00:56:41
Enjoy.
00:56:42
This is, that's on the back of each one of these.
00:56:43
This one is also a pretty, pretty, a, a spryot promises to be extra hot.
00:56:48
This is a jalapeno mustard bursting with peppers and garlic and that over to you, Jeff.
00:56:53
And this has, this Dijon mustard doesn't have any horseradish in it.
00:56:56
It's not on the label.
00:56:57
That's what, yeah, it is just mustard seed powder that's freaking out.
00:57:00
Man, these are some chunkers, huh?
00:57:02
These are, yeah, this is the thing, the viscosity of these, they get a little, it's like a lot of fresh vegetables chunking out.
00:57:09
Exactly.
00:57:10
There's a lot going on with them.
00:57:11
All right, I'm going to start with the Coney Island mustard.
00:57:13
Yeah.
00:57:14
Do you think is, yes, there we go.
00:57:18
It's the yellow or one.
00:57:19
I don't know about cranberry mustard.
00:57:20
I'm just going to say that right now where I'm not just sure about cranberry mustard.
00:57:23
Oh, the Coney one is fun.
00:57:25
Okay.
00:57:26
Yeah.
00:57:27
That I could see just putting on a hot dog and then I'm set.
00:57:29
Why is it kind of like that idea I had?
00:57:31
Remember ketchup and stuff?
00:57:32
Yeah, I like ketchup and stuff.
00:57:35
Repitch it so so doesn't get evaluated.
00:57:37
My idea for ketchup and stuff is like, you know, I'm like, you're dipping your burger and then there's like onion in there and pickle pieces.
00:57:44
Oh, yeah.
00:57:45
I was like, that's the idea for ketchup and stuff is like a little piece of lettuce.
00:57:48
That's great.
00:57:49
And pickle and all in the ketchup.
00:57:51
Yeah.
00:57:52
Like the stuff that breaks off.
00:57:53
Yeah.
00:57:54
That's what I'm saying.
00:57:55
That's funny because when it's chips and dips, that actually pisses me off.
00:57:59
Yeah.
00:58:00
Wait, what do you mean?
00:58:01
When you break off a ruffle and someone's talking, it's like, ah, that's annoying.
00:58:03
But then when you go, when you fish it out, it's like, hey, now my dip has like an extra little prize.
00:58:07
Yeah, a little more texture.
00:58:08
That's fun.
00:58:09
I guess that's not all bad.
00:58:10
Man, you guys both did a much better job than me.
00:58:11
I'm I play.
00:58:12
It's almost.
00:58:13
I'm almost out of room on my play.
00:58:16
You're surrounded.
00:58:17
I'm surrounded.
00:58:18
I am surrounded.
00:58:19
Let's see what happens here with this.
00:58:20
Are we doing cram?
00:58:22
I did do cram.
00:58:24
I'm not sure how I feel about cram.
00:58:25
I'm gonna take another bite.
00:58:26
You know what?
00:58:27
I'm with you on this corny island when I did not know that it's basically ketchup and stuff.
00:58:33
It's mustard and stuff.
00:58:34
Yeah.
00:58:35
Ooh.
00:58:36
I yell at the sloppy boys for eating on the mic all the time.
00:58:38
They would tear me apart knowing I was eating on the mic like this.
00:58:42
Well, you're that this is a drink podcast.
00:58:46
I know.
00:58:47
So what are they?
00:58:48
Oh, when you're trying food or.
00:58:49
I don't know like they'll try and like sneak snacks and stuff and I just like I hear it or like we did it.
00:58:54
We did a hot ones episode.
00:58:55
Yeah.
00:58:56
Where we were kind of eating wings or whatever.
00:58:59
And it is gross.
00:59:00
I don't know if I have like me's a phony or whatever, but I really do try and police that.
00:59:04
Well, you were adding them for a while too, right?
00:59:06
Yeah.
00:59:07
But so how often do you guys eat on the mic?
00:59:08
I thought that we're pretty good about not doing it.
00:59:10
I don't think we're chewing into the mic too aggressively.
00:59:13
I have that.
00:59:14
Okay.
00:59:15
Sorry.
00:59:16
So you're chewing into the mic and then you move it away so you can talk.
00:59:19
Um, I have finished my first pretzel.
00:59:22
I'm glad we got additional pretzels.
00:59:23
Good call, Mitch.
00:59:24
I think the cranberry mustard has got too much going on.
00:59:27
I don't think I need it.
00:59:28
I think it's I think it's a little too sweet and also a little too specifically cranberry.
00:59:31
No, it's funny.
00:59:32
I don't like the jalapeno mustard.
00:59:33
I thought I would.
00:59:34
It's it's got a kick to it.
00:59:35
It's it's spicy.
00:59:36
I like the jalapeno mustard.
00:59:37
Quite a bit.
00:59:38
I think it's really.
00:59:39
It's got too much of a weird sweetness to it.
00:59:40
I don't know.
00:59:41
I kind of like that element.
00:59:42
Yeah.
00:59:43
Oh, yeah.
00:59:44
I mean, it is what it is.
00:59:49
It's what it says on the tin, you know, yeah.
00:59:50
The cranberry mustard reminds me of the easy squirt, you know what I'm saying?
00:59:54
The hines like put it on a goblet.
00:59:57
Oh, think about it.
01:00:00
I like that.
01:00:01
We're kind of gobbler because I always I like I guess I do like a I don't ever ever put mustard on a goblet, but I'll put the I think that would be really well on a goblet.
01:00:11
Hmm.
01:00:12
I like dots is right.
01:00:14
These are all like B to C tier for me.
01:00:16
This right.
01:00:17
Oh, excuse me.
01:00:18
Hmm.
01:00:19
I'm going to have hiccups from the spice.
01:00:21
I get that sometimes.
01:00:22
I think I can will it away.
01:00:23
Yeah.
01:00:24
What's your technique for getting rid of hiccups?
01:00:26
I can tell you what the actual technique is.
01:00:27
Please.
01:00:28
I hold you.
01:00:29
I hold my breath.
01:00:30
Yeah, I hold my breath for so long.
01:00:32
I can do that too.
01:00:34
I can do that too.
01:00:36
But I was at a party and I was plugging my nose and drinking water.
01:00:40
Okay.
01:00:41
And Jocelyn, you know Jocelyn.
01:00:43
I know Jocelyn.
01:00:44
Yeah.
01:00:45
She was like, no, no, no.
01:00:46
They have way there.
01:00:47
And she plugged my ears.
01:00:48
Whoa.
01:00:49
Plug your nose.
01:00:50
Plug your ears.
01:00:51
You might need a partner and drink water slowly, cured like that.
01:00:54
Wow.
01:00:55
So that for me, that was the trick.
01:00:57
Well, I used to do, I used to hold my nose and drink water because I learned that from Sesame Street.
01:01:01
Yeah.
01:01:02
Like you're supposed to trick your body into thinking that it's drowning I heard.
01:01:03
Yeah.
01:01:04
Okay.
01:01:05
But then I eventually, like what I just, I, on my own, I think I, if I just hold my breath, I don't think I need to drink, be drinking the water too.
01:01:12
But then I have to hold my breath for so long.
01:01:13
And then you're holding your breath and hiccuping at the same time that can be like a little uncomfortable.
01:01:17
What I'll do is all like if I have a hiccup, I'll restart.
01:01:19
That's like, okay, time to dig another big gulp of breath and then hold it for so long.
01:01:22
What happened?
01:01:23
Ah!
01:01:24
Ah!
01:01:25
You touched a hot pretzel and your hand is burned.
01:01:29
The pretzel burned my fucking hand!
01:01:31
Ah!
01:01:32
They're hot.
01:01:33
Hot away.
01:01:34
Ah!
01:01:35
First, the unicorn, brown unicorn, and now the hot pretzel.
01:01:40
You are the finest pranker there is, you know, yeah.
01:01:47
It is hot.
01:01:48
Is it hot?
01:01:49
The brain burned yourself.
01:01:50
Wait for, wait for a fucking second.
01:01:51
It's not a fucking fine.
01:01:52
Shut up.
01:01:53
All right.
01:01:54
Let's, let's move on to another mustard wags.
01:01:55
Yeah.
01:01:56
We got some more here.
01:01:57
Where's everyone standing so far?
01:01:58
Do we got a, we got a favorite?
01:01:59
I have, I have two favorites.
01:02:00
All right, put them forward right now.
01:02:03
One is stone ground mustard.
01:02:06
I like that one a lot.
01:02:07
Yeah, it's good.
01:02:08
The other one is, I'm with Dots, classic Dijon.
01:02:12
Full strength Dijon.
01:02:13
I will ghost.
01:02:14
I like stone ground and I like that jalapeno.
01:02:17
Yeah.
01:02:18
But I also, I don't think I disagree with it with it.
01:02:20
But I also like the regular honey mustard.
01:02:22
I think that's pretty good.
01:02:22
I do think that the honey island one is fun, but after a few bites of it, I'm like, man.
01:02:26
Hey, it's a little sticky sweet too with that sweet relish.
01:02:28
Yeah.
01:02:29
All right, we've got the-- Dots is not a relish, a sweet relish guy.
01:02:32
We got a few here.
01:02:33
I don't know what's gonna be the hottest.
01:02:35
I imagine that the ghost pattern.
01:02:36
I do not know what's gonna be the hottest.
01:02:37
So we've got the hickory bacon, which we can start with.
01:02:39
I'm not gonna have any of these, 'cause this does have a real bacon in it, but y'all can try this one, let me know what you think.
01:02:45
And then we'll get the final three queued up, which is the Chinese mustard, which is extra hot, the sweet hot mustard, which is not particularly hot, but does have some more shredded character to it.
01:02:53
And the ghost pepper mustard, which I imagine is the hottest.
01:02:55
Woo!
01:02:56
Can I tell you what I think?
01:02:57
Yeah.
01:02:58
I think you should do your fucking job and eat the bacon mustard.
01:03:00
Oh God.
01:03:02
(laughing)
01:03:03
What an awful thing to say.
01:03:04
(laughing)
01:03:06
You and my boy, dutz, that hasn't changed.
01:03:09
Wags hasn't made it yet.
01:03:11
(laughing)
01:03:13
I don't wanna be your boy.
01:03:14
I don't wanna be here.
01:03:17
I'm my own boy.
01:03:18
That's who I wanna be.
01:03:20
I wanna be me.
01:03:21
Okay, so this ghost pepper mustard is very red.
01:03:26
I'm gonna say this.
01:03:27
This is for me as alarming.
01:03:27
Where are the batwags?
01:03:28
Yeah, where'd it go?
01:03:29
You said, this one?
01:03:33
Wags came up.
01:03:34
You did not miss a thing.
01:03:36
This is my least favorite mustard.
01:03:37
Your least favorite.
01:03:39
Hold on.
01:03:40
Hey, go rebegin' as my least favorite so far.
01:03:42
Let me get in there.
01:03:44
Emilie, where's your what's your mustard preference?
01:03:47
Oh yeah.
01:03:48
I like brown mustard a lot.
01:03:50
Yeah.
01:03:50
I like when it has that horse radishy, heady, nasoli, burn.
01:03:57
Have you had the sweet hot?
01:03:59
I haven't.
01:04:00
I'd be interested in your perspective on this, but you might like the D-john 'cause that one's definitely got that sort of kick to it.
01:04:05
As does the mild D-john.
01:04:06
We're gonna try this Chinese mustard too, which I imagine we'll have some of that.
01:04:09
Let me see if this has any horse radish in it.
01:04:11
It does not.
01:04:14
I don't think so.
01:04:16
Water mustard seed, vinegar, a bunch of spices, and ginger.
01:04:21
All right, let me, I've sprayed all three of these onto my plate.
01:04:26
Here you go.
01:04:27
Here's the Chinese.
01:04:28
The jalapeno one has too much of like a tomato taste to it.
01:04:30
I do not like it, and I do not like this bacon one.
01:04:33
What are you tasting from the bacon one?
01:04:36
It's like a smoky Chinese.
01:04:39
Oh yeah, that was the Chinese.
01:04:40
Here's the sweet hot.
01:04:41
My nose is running.
01:04:43
I said, wow, okay.
01:04:43
Hello old friend.
01:04:45
What do you say?
01:04:48
Hello old friend.
01:04:49
I love that sweet hot.
01:04:50
I love it, and there's the ghost pepper.
01:04:52
All right, I am gonna have...
01:04:55
I love a good Chinese mustard.
01:04:57
I'm excited to try it.
01:04:58
Yeah, let me try this Chinese mustard.
01:05:00
Ooh.
01:05:03
Oh, that's good.
01:05:05
Oh yeah.
01:05:08
It's potent.
01:05:11
It's got a little bit of sourness to it, which is nice.
01:05:14
Yeah, that won't clear.
01:05:15
Yeah, Amelia, you might like this one.
01:05:17
Hmm.
01:05:18
I'll get in there.
01:05:19
The sweet hot.
01:05:20
Damn.
01:05:21
I mean, that's what I remember from Chinese restaurants as a kid.
01:05:25
Yeah, it was like my parents were like, this is mustard, but you're not gonna want it.
01:05:28
It's like the hot Chinese mustard.
01:05:29
Oh, that's good.
01:05:32
That really?
01:05:33
God, that sweet hot rolls, I love it.
01:05:35
Dr.
01:05:36
G.M, you're not gonna have to use any of your instruments to look through up my nose here.
01:05:40
Save your instruments today.
01:05:42
Save your instruments, Dr.
01:05:43
G.M.
01:05:44
I maybe just had too much of the scope out for one.
01:05:45
Dr.
01:05:46
G.M.
01:05:46
stuff's not going over like I wanted, it's here.
01:05:48
Yeah, I would guess it's like maybe not a universal reference.
01:05:52
Yeah, I guess not everyone who goes to Dr.
01:05:54
G.M.
01:05:55
Ooh.
01:05:56
All right, or even is clear on what you're saying.
01:05:58
I think sweet hot even has more of a bird does.
01:06:02
Be honest, you thought it was pretty good.
01:06:04
I liked it.
01:06:05
And let me tell you, having the sweet hot mustard, this Chinese mustard, this ghost pepper mustard, all in a sequence, I'm not gonna be needing to go to Dr.
01:06:13
G.M.
01:06:13
anytime soon.
01:06:14
(laughing)
01:06:16
Is G.M.
01:06:19
You like that guy?
01:06:20
Yeah, he's good.
01:06:21
Okay, great.
01:06:22
You want to?
01:06:23
I feel like you have all the good doctors.
01:06:24
He's a French one, huh?
01:06:25
French guy.
01:06:26
I don't know what his deal is.
01:06:27
Dr.
01:06:27
Heel.
01:06:28
It sounds like a French name.
01:06:29
It's a real educated type, you know?
01:06:30
(laughing)
01:06:33
Oh, I would hope so.
01:06:34
Sweet hot's pretty hot too.
01:06:38
Yeah, it is hot.
01:06:39
I really like the sweet hot.
01:06:42
I love the sweet hot.
01:06:43
Sweet hot.
01:06:44
It's my favorite.
01:06:45
Sweet hot is good.
01:06:45
You find it grocery stores on like a lot of these freaks.
01:06:49
Yeah, some of these are true freaks.
01:06:51
Well, I feel like kind of the disease of more here and I feel like be around, maybe these are selling, maybe people are doing the same exercise we're doing, but it feels like some of these they're doing like the cranberry,
01:07:01
like maybe the jalapeno, though, it did like the jalapeno.
01:07:04
But it kind of feels like that.
01:07:06
Chinese mustard is killing, Chinese mustard is very strong.
01:07:09
It's very strong.
01:07:09
They try the ghost pepper.
01:07:10
That's the only way to try it.
01:07:11
Here you go.
01:07:12
What do you think?
01:07:13
The ghost pepper I think is the most, like the most is like straight burn as opposed to horseradish.
01:07:17
But I think some of these varietals are maybe a little unnecessary.
01:07:20
There's a lot of overlap, a lot of overlap.
01:07:21
Yeah.
01:07:22
Oh my goodness.
01:07:25
I mean ghost pepper is a term that gets thrown around a lot too.
01:07:28
Yeah, no, and a lot of times like they'll be like, hey, like a Wendy's might have like, hey, we got our ghost pepper fries.
01:07:32
In fact, I think they had those for a time.
01:07:34
They were particularly spicy.
01:07:35
Yeah, this one, this is legitimately pretty spicy.
01:07:38
Like I've had a whole sandwich that was this.
01:07:39
I'd be like, oh, that burn's gonna linger.
01:07:42
I don't like it.
01:07:44
It's like, yeah, I don't think I need this.
01:07:45
It's not good.
01:07:46
It's like, it's like just a little too aggressively hot.
01:07:49
Ooh, Amelia, which ones did you sample?
01:07:53
I had the Chinese mustard.
01:07:55
It was really good.
01:07:56
Yeah, that one's good.
01:07:57
You should try the sweet hot.
01:07:58
And then Casey, if you want to get up on any of these as well.
01:08:00
Yeah.
01:08:01
Uh, sure.
01:08:02
In a D-john.
01:08:03
Just the classic D-john will set you right.
01:08:05
That seems like a good trifor.
01:08:08
So that actually might be our holy triforce here, or holy Trinity.
01:08:12
What's that?
01:08:13
Is the sweet hot, the Chinese and the D-john.
01:08:16
Ooh, but man.
01:08:18
Feeling for the ghost pepper?
01:08:21
I'm just, it's a water works over here.
01:08:24
Yeah.
01:08:26
I wouldn't do like a joke with like, it's like ghost pepper, but it's like a ghost that's a pepper.
01:08:31
That's pretty good.
01:08:31
Yeah, that'd be good.
01:08:33
Like, it's like haunting a restaurant or something like that.
01:08:35
That's pretty good.
01:08:36
He goes to Dr.
01:08:36
Guillaume.
01:08:38
(laughing)
01:08:39
He's alive and well.
01:08:40
(laughing)
01:08:42
He's not stressed because these beaver musters are doing all the work for him.
01:08:47
Wait, that has to be a joke and like, sausage party or something, right?
01:08:50
Don't you?
01:08:51
I've seen sausage party, don't remember Dr.
01:08:53
Guillaume or a ghost pepper joke.
01:08:55
There's gotta be, yeah.
01:08:57
I mean, there is.
01:08:58
There's a new sausage party show.
01:08:59
And if there's not a ghost pepper in that-- There's a new sausage party show?
01:09:02
Yeah.
01:09:03
Are you looking for a D-john?
01:09:04
What was the third one that you-- I think just the regular D-john you wanna try.
01:09:06
That's great news.
01:09:07
Yeah.
01:09:07
I was gonna say.
01:09:08
(laughing)
01:09:11
There's a new sausage party show.
01:09:13
Oh, an embarrassment of riches here in the, (laughing)
01:09:19
in these United States.
01:09:21
(laughing)
01:09:23
Isn't it like such a bummer when you see those Instagram posts where it's just like, these were the movies that were out in summer 1987.
01:09:31
And it's just like Banger, Banger, Banger, Banger, Banger.
01:09:32
Yeah, exactly, yeah.
01:09:33
And then box office usually be so.
01:09:35
You look what we have now.
01:09:36
And it's just like Trolls World Tour.
01:09:37
Yeah.
01:09:39
Or even like the ones that are trying to be good.
01:09:41
Did anyone eat a packing peanut with mustard?
01:09:44
I didn't.
01:09:45
I mean, I will.
01:09:46
I'll do that shit.
01:09:46
Give me that D.
01:09:49
I gotta tell you, the Chinese mustard is nearly almost too odd.
01:09:52
It's very spicy.
01:09:54
Look at that D's on phone around.
01:09:57
Ooh.
01:09:58
Oh shit.
01:10:00
Did I get mustard on the bottom of the mic?
01:10:02
It's okay.
01:10:03
Sorry.
01:10:04
So, I got this little...
01:10:09
Wait, what?
01:10:10
Did you do your joke?
01:10:11
(laughing)
01:10:13
What?
01:10:14
Mitch, did you do your joke on the show?
01:10:16
Oh.
01:10:18
The flag.
01:10:18
The mic flag just fell in.
01:10:20
Where we're falling apart here.
01:10:21
That's okay.
01:10:22
We're towards the finish line.
01:10:22
I'm looking for that D.
01:10:24
I got it.
01:10:24
Yes.
01:10:26
The packing peanut is a flashback to me stepping out of the shower this morning.
01:10:29
That's what it was.
01:10:30
I can't remember if he sat on the shell.
01:10:31
I thought you did.
01:10:32
I thought I did.
01:10:33
Okay, I couldn't remember.
01:10:34
Fuck.
01:10:35
You're really filling it.
01:10:36
Yeah.
01:10:36
Was it from the Chinese mustard?
01:10:37
From the ghost pepper?
01:10:38
Chinese mustard.
01:10:39
I ate a lot of it.
01:10:40
Okay.
01:10:41
Ghost pepper, I don't eat a mic.
01:10:42
Yeah.
01:10:43
I think it's okay.
01:10:44
I don't think I ate it.
01:10:45
The sweet hot is actually...
01:10:46
There he is.
01:10:47
Which one are you doing?
01:10:49
Chinese?
01:10:50
Dijon.
01:10:51
Dijon, okay.
01:10:52
I mean, what the fuck's going on over there?
01:10:53
She's winsing.
01:10:54
Ooh.
01:10:55
Are you okay?
01:10:56
It's good.
01:10:57
It's good.
01:10:58
What are you feeling it from?
01:11:00
Can I be honest with you, this is maybe more difficult than the hot ones challenge.
01:11:05
It is like just a different spice.
01:11:07
Yeah, different sort of destiny.
01:11:08
How is...
01:11:09
Jeff just ate a packing peanut with the mustard.
01:11:10
It's actually really good with the packing peanut.
01:11:12
I did too.
01:11:13
It was honestly great.
01:11:14
Because it just sort of like, you had a little bit of texture and then just melted in just pure mustard flavor.
01:11:18
It's pretty good.
01:11:19
I still did not want to eat one.
01:11:21
Yeah.
01:11:22
All right.
01:11:23
Let me go look at the full list here.
01:11:24
And let's see if we can come up with some individual or collective top three.
01:11:28
Ooh.
01:11:29
I'll go down the list again.
01:11:32
Okay.
01:11:33
So we've got the...
01:11:34
I mean, it is not doing well.
01:11:36
I love it, but it hurts so good.
01:11:40
Is the Chinese mustard is doing it to you?
01:11:43
No, it's the...
01:11:44
Well, it's actually all three of them.
01:11:46
Okay.
01:11:47
How do you feel in relation to Dr.
01:11:49
Guillem?
01:11:49
Do you think you'll have to see him or not after this?
01:11:52
I think I'm gonna have to see him.
01:11:53
You are gonna have to see him.
01:11:54
Oh, you are.
01:11:55
Wow.
01:11:56
Oh.
01:11:57
Oh.
01:11:58
I don't know.
01:11:59
I don't know the fucking joke words.
01:12:04
They're all pretty...
01:12:05
I mean, eating these...
01:12:06
You guys are doing much better than I am.
01:12:08
I'm pretty good with mustard.
01:12:09
Mustard guys.
01:12:10
Yeah, we're mustard guys.
01:12:11
Ooh.
01:12:12
I'm sweating up a storm.
01:12:13
I actually have tears forming.
01:12:15
Wow.
01:12:16
I'm sweating up a storm.
01:12:17
I'm not reacting as bad as you are to these.
01:12:20
Ooh.
01:12:21
Yeah.
01:12:22
But I really like the sweet heat.
01:12:23
Yeah.
01:12:24
That one's great.
01:12:25
All right, so here's the full list.
01:12:26
We got the Chinese mustard, classic yellow, Coney Island, cranberry, deli, Dijon, ghost pepper, hickory bacon, honey mustard, jalapeno, mild Dijon, stone ground,
01:12:37
and sweet hot.
01:12:38
I mean, if we're gonna do a top three, obviously, I think I think sweet hot to me stays the king.
01:12:44
Sweet hot at the top.
01:12:46
I do really like that Dijon.
01:12:47
I do really like that Dijon.
01:12:49
I'm trying to just decide if I like the flavor of the mild Dijon more.
01:12:53
I think I might honestly go...
01:12:56
You know what?
01:12:57
I think I would actually do.
01:12:58
I think I would go sweet hot.
01:13:00
I think I would go surprise pick for me Coney Island, and then I think I would go Chinese mustard.
01:13:06
In fact, I'd probably go Chinese second and Coney Island third.
01:13:08
That would be my ranking.
01:13:10
Ooh.
01:13:11
What do you think of this food, man?
01:13:12
I'm, I'm a mess over here.
01:13:14
Yeah.
01:13:15
Do you have a top three?
01:13:17
You like the deli?
01:13:18
You like the stone ground?
01:13:19
Do you like the...
01:13:20
Stone ground?
01:13:21
Yeah.
01:13:22
Sweet hot.
01:13:23
Oh, man.
01:13:24
It's either Dijon or Chinese.
01:13:27
The Chinese might just be a little too crazy.
01:13:29
Yeah.
01:13:30
Dijon's like a...
01:13:31
Dijon is like a nice little...
01:13:32
Dijon is like a nice little...
01:13:33
In between.
01:13:34
You're gonna have that of a strongly sandwich and you're gonna be sitting pretty.
01:13:35
The sweet hot kind of does what the Chinese mustard does, too, in a way.
01:13:38
It's like...
01:13:39
Yeah.
01:13:40
It's very spicy.
01:13:41
They're all very good.
01:13:42
Yeah, they're great.
01:13:43
I, I said sweating up a storm, which remind me of storm from X-Men.
01:13:47
Look at Jeff's shirt.
01:13:48
You think walking down your Magneto shirt?
01:13:49
It's cool as hell.
01:13:50
Thanks, bro.
01:13:51
Yeah.
01:13:52
That's sick.
01:13:53
Magneto is right.
01:13:54
Wow.
01:13:55
That doesn't make sense unless you watch the show.
01:13:57
Anyone?
01:13:58
Come on.
01:13:59
We here at the doughboys want to say we do not agree that Magneto was right.
01:14:03
I'm a Magneto fan.
01:14:05
Mitch, you can't say that on the podcast.
01:14:07
I'm writing them in.
01:14:08
Mitch.
01:14:09
Oh, what do you think, Denton?
01:14:13
Top three.
01:14:14
Top three.
01:14:15
I'm surprised.
01:14:16
I was kind of hoping that something would dethrone my beloved sweet hot.
01:14:19
Yes, me, too.
01:14:20
But no, it's number one for a reason.
01:14:22
It's in all the grocery stores for a reason.
01:14:24
You're not gonna find cranberry and, you know, some of these weirder ones.
01:14:27
You're like Coney Island.
01:14:28
I feel like I might have seen that, but...
01:14:30
I feel like...
01:14:31
By the way, my ears are popping.
01:14:32
So it's really is truly clearing out my sinuses.
01:14:35
Wow.
01:14:36
Like crazy.
01:14:37
No one else, I like every, I did really work to clean me out.
01:14:41
I could, I could refer you to Dr.
01:14:43
Hopshine.
01:14:44
Would that help?
01:14:48
When I can't mention my PCP, I'll stick with Guillaume.
01:14:52
Okay.
01:14:53
Number two, D-john, full strength D-john because look, you're gonna use it in concert with other things.
01:15:01
No, that's true.
01:15:02
Yeah.
01:15:03
We kind of went straight to the dome.
01:15:04
We're getting close to matching up here, by the way.
01:15:06
One and two?
01:15:07
Okay.
01:15:08
One, two and the wrong two are the same.
01:15:11
Three.
01:15:13
I gotta go Chinese.
01:15:16
What did you, you didn't do Chinese?
01:15:17
I did stone ground.
01:15:18
The ground.
01:15:19
Don't ground is really good.
01:15:20
Chinese is the, is the other one that has that, well, I guess all of mine have what I call like the depth charge of where it's like, it's like an underwater missile where it's like,
01:15:31
it gives, it gives it like that little, that little couple seconds before you're like, oh, way in the back.
01:15:37
Bam, climbing up the sinuses that bird.
01:15:40
My boy is good with the noises if you happen to notice.
01:15:43
But I like that.
01:15:44
I like that.
01:15:45
You're in K-19, the Widowmaker and you're like hunched because you're here in the depth charges nearby.
01:15:50
Yeah.
01:15:51
Fire away.
01:15:52
Do you see?
01:15:54
Now do you see?
01:15:55
My boy is good with the noise.
01:15:59
And you're sailor like looking around like this and there's like water dripping on you and you hear depth charge.
01:16:03
Yeah.
01:16:04
Yeah.
01:16:05
Everyone has to be quiet if I remember correctly.
01:16:06
Yeah.
01:16:07
You have to be quiet because you can hear it.
01:16:11
Mm-hmm.
01:16:12
Mitch.
01:16:13
Oh.
01:16:14
Sorry.
01:16:15
I got nervous.
01:16:16
Oh.
01:16:17
I got nervous.
01:16:18
Oh.
01:16:19
And that's how we'd write birthday boy sketches.
01:16:30
Yeah.
01:16:31
Hey, man.
01:16:32
Dead.
01:16:33
All these muscles are good.
01:16:34
This is the thing I was going to say.
01:16:35
It's like, we tasted 14 of these.
01:16:37
Yeah.
01:16:38
Half of these I would never get if we weren't doing this for content.
01:16:41
But half of these I would.
01:16:42
And I would have in my fridge and it would happily keep eating.
01:16:45
And you know what?
01:16:46
I'm going to take some of these home.
01:16:47
We can distribute these however we see fit but I think these are going to be used.
01:16:51
They're not jumping into the trash can.
01:16:54
These are great mustards.
01:16:55
I'm a big beaver brand, big beaver tin mustard beaver tin foods brand fan and I think this is they do.
01:17:01
Here's the deal.
01:17:02
Can I ask, did you guys get, did you get the pay for these or they give them to you?
01:17:05
We paid for them.
01:17:06
Yeah.
01:17:07
We went out of pocket.
01:17:08
No, the dope boys can't be bought.
01:17:09
Right, right, right.
01:17:10
Yeah, we can.
01:17:11
Man, it's lovely.
01:17:12
Was they trying to be bought?
01:17:13
We're trying so hard.
01:17:14
I mean, I'm down for being bought.
01:17:18
People send us stuff.
01:17:19
We tasted it for the podcast.
01:17:20
But this is a thing of just like, oh, let's look and we trusted you to give your honest.
01:17:25
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:17:26
You know, liquor is one of the, they spend some of the most money on advertising than like any other sector.
01:17:32
Yes.
01:17:33
But they don't want to advertise on a show called the sloppy boy.
01:17:36
Is that weird?
01:17:38
That is weird.
01:17:39
Huh.
01:17:40
You guys are talking about booze the whole time.
01:17:43
I probably saw him for the crowdsurfing and going straight to the ground.
01:17:47
Yeah.
01:17:48
Oh, great.
01:17:49
Yeah, they're very spicy.
01:17:54
They're very spicy, but I'm glad I'm glad we went through with this exercise.
01:17:58
This was a hoot.
01:18:00
Dutton, thanks so much for joining us.
01:18:03
Thanks for having us.
01:18:04
Anything you'd like to plug?
01:18:05
People should check out the sloppy boys if they haven't already.
01:18:06
First and foremost, yeah.
01:18:07
That's the weekly drum beat.
01:18:09
Yeah.
01:18:10
Follow along with me and Tim Kupakis and Mike Hanford.
01:18:14
We drink cocktails.
01:18:17
People know.
01:18:18
People who listen to this know, we get into the history and the recipe of like, Oh, my tie and espresso, martini, apparel, spritz, whatever.
01:18:25
But I also, as of the airing of this podcast, I have a remix album out.
01:18:29
Oh, wow.
01:18:30
Yeah, there's a Duts remix album.
01:18:31
Wow.
01:18:32
I don't even know.
01:18:33
Yeah, there's got some remixes by PJ Western, that's half of Dale Earnhardt Jr.
01:18:39
Jr.
01:18:39
Alfon.
01:18:40
And John Haskell, you know, Haskell.
01:18:43
Oh, yeah, I know Haskell.
01:18:44
He's working with Haskell.
01:18:45
He's a musician under the name of Plesh Modo.
01:18:47
We got one from him.
01:18:48
Whoa.
01:18:49
Yeah.
01:18:50
Check it out, folks, on Spotify.
01:18:51
Wow.
01:18:52
How about that?
01:18:53
We didn't talk about it too much.
01:18:54
But we both, like, X-Men 97.
01:18:55
Yeah.
01:18:56
We enjoyed it.
01:18:57
Check that out, folks.
01:18:58
That is prestige adult animation.
01:19:00
That's good.
01:19:01
You should watch it.
01:19:02
I gotta watch it.
01:19:03
Yeah.
01:19:04
Ray Chesa, voice of a fucking cyclops.
01:19:07
Yeah.
01:19:08
Yeah.
01:19:09
Yeah.
01:19:10
I don't know when I read a little bit.
01:19:11
That's cool.
01:19:12
Yeah.
01:19:13
And also, we just want to, we want to, we want to, we want to secret, was, no, what is it?
01:19:17
What Tiki is it called?
01:19:18
It's not secret Tiki.
01:19:19
It's lucky Tiki.
01:19:20
Lucky Tiki.
01:19:21
Yeah.
01:19:22
At what's, as by Taylor, right next to, upstairs from Taylor, Taylor Puff.
01:19:26
We just weren't recently speaking of drinks and we had a great time.
01:19:29
You got to send it.
01:19:30
You pulled some strings.
01:19:31
I did pull a couple strings.
01:19:32
They're fucking mixed magic.
01:19:33
They call me the Marionetteur.
01:19:35
It's a really shitty X-band.
01:19:43
String.
01:19:44
Yeah.
01:19:45
String.
01:19:46
It's like, they walk into a spider web.
01:19:51
Yeah.
01:19:52
Oh, hey, that, that'll do it for this, this episode of The Doe Boys Double.
01:19:58
I wonder if part of why we ended up talking so much, uh, turds earlier.
01:20:02
Yeah.
01:20:03
Yeah.
01:20:04
The first half.
01:20:05
But it's right there.
01:20:06
The, the topic of the episode must turd.
01:20:08
Oh, my God.
01:20:09
We had it on the brain.
01:20:10
Oh, my God.
01:20:11
Lot of turd.
01:20:12
You were going to, you were going to must, you were feeling, I must turd during this mustard episode and then we're like, we must talk turds because it's on the brain.
01:20:18
Yes.
01:20:19
It's the verb to turd.
01:20:20
That must turd.
01:20:21
And he sounds like Dijon.
01:20:24
That's what it is.
01:20:25
Oh, that's what it is.
01:20:26
That's what it is.
01:20:27
I think that's what it was.
01:20:28
We'll see you next time.
01:20:29
Wait, no.
01:20:30
It sounds like Dijon.
01:20:31
Hold on a second.
01:20:32
Hold on.
01:20:33
Hold on.
01:20:34
Hold on.
01:20:35
Hold on.
01:20:36
Hold on.
01:20:37
This will be good.
01:20:38
We'll edit here for a second.
01:20:39
Okay.
01:20:40
This will be good.
01:20:41
We're just, I must tell you, when you're editing this later, we're going to put it in edit here.
01:20:44
So just mark an edit point because Mitch is going to do something good.
01:20:47
Oh, fuck.
01:20:48
When it's ready, it's going to be really good.
01:20:49
So people won't hear any of this.
01:20:52
We'll wait in this weekend.
01:20:54
Shit, man.
01:20:56
Of Jason B.
01:20:57
I can't do it.
01:21:07
What was it?
01:21:10
I now become flush, uh, destroyer of porcelains or something.
01:21:16
Oh, you're getting back to the Oppenheimer thing.
01:21:18
Oh, I was going to do a ploppin'heimer quad.
01:21:20
Okay.
01:21:21
We'll just, hey, I'ma never mind just to take all this out.
01:21:24
Just, just, I'm sorry.
01:21:25
I now become, help me out here.
01:21:29
I now become.
01:21:30
Oh, yeah.
01:21:31
I have now become death.
01:21:32
That destroyer of worlds is the actual thing.
01:21:33
Destroyer of toilets.
01:21:34
I now become Mitch.
01:21:35
I now become, we're like, I now become Mitch destroyer of toilets.
01:21:40
I have now become turd destroyer of bowls, something like that.
01:21:43
That's what I was trying to do.
01:21:44
I like the porcelain.
01:21:45
Porcelain's pretty good.
01:21:46
Destroyer of porcelain.
01:21:47
Right.
01:21:48
Destroyer of porcelain.
01:21:49
Yeah.
01:21:50
But Mitch to death, death to Mitch, that's kind of.
01:21:51
That's hard to figure out how to map that exactly.
01:21:53
I was going to go in there, but, uh, Einstein's using the bathroom.
01:22:00
Bye.
01:22:01
Bye.
01:22:02
Bye.
01:22:03
Hey, hey.
01:22:04
I'm Lamor and Morris.
01:22:05
And I'm Kyle Chevron.
01:22:06
And we're here interrupting your workout to tell you about the Lamorning After Podcast.
01:22:10
Now on Headgun.
01:22:11
That's right.
01:22:12
Everyone's there.
01:22:13
A new episode drops and we wait, Lamor, what are you doing over there?
01:22:16
It's nothing just that.
01:22:17
It's polishing my Emmy.
01:22:19
Why?
01:22:20
Because we're now the only official Headgun podcast hosted by an Emmy winner.
01:22:24
Is that true?
01:22:25
You're probably not.
01:22:26
But Jake Johnson's on Headgun.
01:22:27
Does he have an Emmy?
01:22:28
No.
01:22:29
But Buddy has been a guest on the Lamorning After.
01:22:31
Which might be an even bigger honor.
01:22:34
I mean, and we have other amazing guests like Glenn Powell, Ravenson Mone, The Cast of New Girl, and many, many more.
01:22:39
Plus, we play games.
01:22:41
We tell stories.
01:22:42
We pull the fans.
01:22:44
For questions.
01:22:45
We pull them for questions.
01:22:46
Just.
01:22:47
Only them constantly up and down, sideways, backwards.
01:22:51
It's a lot less weird than it sounds.
01:22:53
You'll see.
01:22:54
Subscribe to The Lamorning After on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Pocket Casts, or wherever you get your podcast.
01:22:59
And watch video episodes on YouTube.
01:23:01
New episodes drop every Wednesday.
01:23:03
That was a Hate Gum podcast.
01:23:06