Today Virginia is chatting with Amy Palanjian. 

You probably already know Amy as Yummy Toddler Food, which is her blog/Instagram/Tiktok. She’s also the bestselling author of Dinnertime SOS, and writes a great bi-weekly newsletter called YTF Community, which comes with super helpful meal plans. 

Some of you may have listened to our old podcast, Comfort Food, or maybe you’ve just heard Amy on her previous appearances on Burnt Toast (one, two and three). But we realized that Amy hasn’t been on the pod since we both got divorced! Obviously a lot in our lives has changed, but specifically, a lot has changed in terms of how we feed our people and how we feed ourselves.

So this is an episode about single mom dinner. I think you’ll enjoy it.

To tell us YOUR thoughts, and to get all of the links and resources mentioned in this episode, as well as a complete transcript, visit our show page. 

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Disclaimer: You’re listening to this episode because you value my input as a journalist who reports on these issues and therefore has a lot of informed opinions. Neither my guest today nor I are healthcare providers, and this conversation is not meant to substitute for medical or therapeutic advice.

FAT TALK is out! Order your signed copy from Virginia's favorite independent bookstore, Split Rock Books (they ship anywhere in the US!). Or order it from your independent bookstore, or from Barnes & Noble, Amazon, Target, or Kobo or anywhere else you like to buy books. You can also order the audio book from Libro.fm or Audible.

CREDITS

The Burnt Toast Podcast is produced and hosted by Virginia Sole-Smith and Corinne Fay. Follow Virginia on Instagram, Follow Corinne  @SellTradePlus, an Instagram account where you can buy and sell plus size clothing and subscribe to Big Undies.The Burnt Toast logo is by Farideh.

Our theme music is by Jeff Bailey and Chris Maxwell.Tommy Harron is our audio engineer.Thanks for listening and for supporting anti-diet, body liberation journalism. 

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Episode 166 Transcript

Virginia

Amy, you are here!

Amy

It seems like it’s been a long time. We’ve lived a lot of life.

Virginia

Were we both married when you were on the podcast last? No, because it was when your book came out.

Amy

But nobody knew I wasn’t married anymore.  

Virginia

Oh, you were secret not married.

Amy

I was going through the process of divorce, and had not yet made it public. 

Virginia

I think I was out? But you were not. You were still in the divorce closet.

Well, we have lived a life. And you are back on the podcast! Do you want to tell folks who you are, in addition to being divorced, and what you do?

Amy

Yes. You guys will quickly learn that Virginia and I have a lot of shorthand, because she’s my best friend. I’m Amy from Yummy Toddler Food. So that is my website, social accounts. I’m also the author of Dinnertime SOS, which is the book we were talking about that came out last year. 

Virginia

If you’re not already following Amy, all I can say is you’re not a Millennial Mom because literally all of us follow her. 

So we’ve been talking about doing this episode for a very long time, ever since we both started eating as single people again. We were like, oh, it’s really different. There’s a lot to say. We have a lot I want to talk about. 

Before we dive in, I do want us to quickly talk about the phrase “single mom.”

Whenever I use it, inevitably someone will —maybe rightfully?— say to me, “I’m not sure you’re allowed to use the phrase single mom.” Because a true “single mom” is someone who has no co-parent whatsoever, no support, and is doing 100 percent of all of the things by themselves.

So I’m curious how you feel about that term.

Amy

I guess when I think of it culturally, I do think that the word is more often used for moms who have full custody of their kids all the time, and they’re legitimately doing it on their own all the time. But I do use it to refer to myself, because I am single and I am a mom, regardless of whether I have custody of my kids. And there is the reality that even when my kids are not physically in my house, or under my supervision, I am still their mom and still often doing mom things. So it feels unnecessarily divisive to have that be so rigid. 

Virginia

Someone said to me, “you should say solo parenting.” 

Amy

But isn’t that when you’re married and your partner leaves for a bit?

Virginia

Yeah. I don’t want to say solo parenting, because that’s what my married friends say, “oh, I’m solo parenting this weekend,” and that is a totally different situation. You’re solo parenting for two days. You are not in our club.

I do have a super-involved co-parent and I’m grateful for that. But still, when I am making dinner for my children in my house, it is just me. So I use it somewhat selectively. I’m fortunate that there is a co-parent, and there are aspects of parenting I do still collaborate on. And there are a lot of pieces of the work of taking care of my kids that I now do 100 percent alone. When I have them, it’s 100 percnt me.

So I just wanted us to acknowledge that there are definitely different layers of divorce privilege and single mom privilege. And I want us to acknowledge our privilege as we launch into this conversation. But for the purposes of this episode, we’re going to be talking about feeding our kids by ourselves, and feeding ourselves as single people. And that feels like an allowable use of “single mom” in my book. 

Amy

I also want to say, parenting is hard regardless. And there is this thing that happens wh