• Richard


• Lisa


• Tura


• Lizzie


• Tom


• Serendipidy


• Norval Joe


• Planet Z

The next topic is Assistive technology

RICHARD

Unstuck

My son developed an interest in model-making and, like so many of his hobbies, I ended up funding the majority of it, but I reckoned it was educational and keeping him off the streets, so I never complained.

I’d be tasked with finding model kits, tools and supplies, paint – the standard fare for such activities.

Then, one day, he asked for horse glue.

It took me ages to find, and a very unpleasant trip to the local abattoir.

“What’s this?” He asked suspiciously.

“Glue made from horses, like you wanted.”

“No… Stuff for gluing horses. For my model farm!”

LISA

Him

As first dates go it was OK. We met. We ate. He invited me back to his. He made me pay my half of the cab fare. His flat was immaculate. Clinically clean. But, an overwhelming smell of what I can only describe as horse glue.

How many red flags did I ignore?

Reader, I married him. The first time I questioned his behaviour was in the dock years later, prompted by the barrister. You’d know him – his crimes had been front page news for so long he was a household name.

That smell? I could still almost taste it.

TURA

Horse glue; evolution

———

For violin-making, marquetry, and carpentry, there’s nothing like horse glue. But ever since petrol displaced horses it has been scarce and expensive. So we’ve bypassed evolution and genetically engineered the glue horse, Equus glutinosus. It produces so much glue that it accumulates in a reservoir under the skin of its belly. An implanted spigot allows it to be drained at regular intervals, a gallon at a time.

When the horse must be retired, the whole body can be rendered for glue. Scarcely anything will be left of it afterwards.

The flesh of Equus glutinosus is toxic and should be avoided.

LIZZIE

She waited for the bus. A bus drove by and she waited. Another bus drove by and she waited. Is the fare too much for you, dear, asked an old lady, trying to help. She shook her head. And waited. The bus stop had a small bench. She sat down, her legs so heavy. I’m so tired, she thought, so tired. Why are people screaming, their panic seeping through her haziness. Perhaps it was time, yes. But she had already done it. The bus stop was taken by the flames. It burns, it burns!, was the last thing she heard.

TOM

Skibidi Tree Friends

The evolution of American English has taken a shape right hand turn. Due to algo gatekeeping Gen Alpha has had to speed up creating terms to stay one step ahead of the media wasteland. It is no longer about value-added content for kids to claim their voices; it is life blood of their cultural center. As a boomer it would be easy to discount the humor of the Alpha-s as pure nonsense. But that’s the point, the powers that-be are quite mad, so truly why spend the time to sift out deeper meaning. I say skibidi this. 6 – 7

SERENDIPIDY

I take my job as senior product developer for the Spanish Inquisition very seriously.

It’s not only the evolution of new and novel methods of cruel and inhuman torture techniques, but I focus on the quality of the torture we dispense too.

So, I’ve set up a focus group of ‘customers’ to gain helpful feedback.

For example, it’s not enough to simply scream ‘It burns!” I want to know how badly? Is it a pain that lingers and grows worse over time? Can you give it a rating on a scale of one to ten?

Torture: Continuously improving since 1478.

NORVAL JOE

Patrick held up a phone with a Facetime video of the wave building up to crash down on the Five Sisters Coven. As it approached the shore it had grown to fifteen feet in height. “Thanks for your help, Billy,” Patrick said. “That’s some real value added to Sabrina’s power.”

“Don’t get too excited, Patty,” Billbert said with his hands still on Sabrina’s bare neck. “Sabrina is still the one in control.”

The tidal wave stopped, ten feet from shore, like a stationary water-wall. The women ran for higher ground.

“Looks like you failed,” Billbert said. “It burns, doesn’t it?”

PLANET Z

It’s an easy scam, really.

Get a bunch of rookies hooked on poker or blackjack or some other game.

Rig the games so they’re deep in debt.

To pay off the debt, they ease up on their game or fake an injury for a bit.

Maybe pass along things the public doesn’t know, like a teammate spending too much time in the training room.

What sport is this? What league?

All of them.

Because gladiators are stupid, and suddenly rich gladiators are stupider.

Don’t let that year or two in college fool you.

They didn’t learn a thing in there.