In Buffy the Vampire Slayer, halfway through the series we meet Nikki Wood - a Black woman, and earlier Vampire Slayer who was alive in New York City in the 1970s.

In the beautiful Buffy tarot deck that was released in 2023...

Nikki Wood is the Queen of Pentacles.

In this episode, I tell a story about what happened when I pulled Nikki's tarot card on my altar, and what she taught me about Asian solidarity with Black liberation.

In the process, I also share a painful story about what happened to me, over a decade ago, when I was financially exploited and sexually harassed out of a grassroots community Asian-centered arts collective....which also links up to pain I experienced when my Dad died in 2016.

...This is a very vulnerable story for me to share. I had this sitting on my desktop for weeks before I am finally publishing it tonight - Jan 25 2024 (hey Leo full moon, why not?)

I don't share my story to gossip or publicly embarrass anyone - I firmly don't believe in that. But my Ancestors - and Nikki Wood herself - made it clear to me that I can't keep this story to myself, I have to release it with love. I believe we all need to release our painful stories, and allow them to be received and held with love, lest we let them quietly eat away at us.

This story showed me how generations of anti-Black racism charges through so many Asian spaces, Hollywood, grassroots arts organizations, and how we treat our Storyteller Community Mothers, including Barbara Smith and Audre Lorde of Kitchen Table Press.

It doesn't matter who you are or what genre you write in - all of us who are writers today owe our recognition, reciprocity and respect to the Black women, and Indigenous/women of colour who stewarded Kitchen Table Press. None of what we do as writers would be possible without them.

In this episode I also touch on the film "Everything, Everywhere, All At Once", the way the Oscars disrespected Angela Bassett, Chadwick Boseman's death, and the Ancestral directive for Asian folks to prioritize "rooting down" to deeper healing foundations so that we do not continue to give away, align with, or allow our magic to be snatched up by white supremacy / supremacy culture in general and capitalism.

Nikki Wood, Vampire Slayer. Queen of Pentacles. My utmost of gratitude to you for helping me release this important story.

As I lift you up - I must lift up again my Soulshifting Community and Funky Tribe Family. These are Black and Indigenous centered healing spaces dedicated to cross-cultural Ancestral solidarity. I lift up my mothers, mentors and friends: Dr. G. Love Geryll Robinson, Dr. Deanna Downes and Dr. Stephanie R. Burns. I lift up everyone in the hoop. I lift up all my Deer Black friends and chosen family. The Black Ancestors who are on my team, on my side, and show up for me everyday as I fumble around, trying to remember myself.

It's because you've been my family and my friends, that I am able to share this story today. You have held me accountable to the true definition and spirit of lineage healing and Ancestor veneration. Because of you, I came home to my deep soul's need to have what I need for my ongoing commitment to heal anti-Blackness within myself and for my entire lineage.

We have been aching, and aching, and aching for this, for generations. I believe that everybody is.

I want everyone to wake up to the fact that being accountable to our "privilege" or living our lives in true spirit of solidarity and reparations...is not a joyless chore. It's not something to lecture ourselves into. That's not sustainable. And it's not even true.

The fact is, there isn't an opposition tug-of-war between "the hard work of allyship" and "taking care of ourselves / experiencing joy".

The truth is that the deepest parts of our lineage are ACHING for Black Liberation. ACHING to heal anti-Blackness. ACHING for a Free Palestine. ACHING for Indigenous LAND BACK.

WE OURSELVES ARE ACHING FOR IT.

It's where our JOY is. It's where true FULFILLMENT & WEALTH is. It's where our Soul's Peace and Heart's Happiness Live.

We will never find what we are looking for in life, not really, unless we do this.

For every Buffy fan out there: my wish is that we remember the truth - that if we were to ROOT DOWN deep enough, we would realize that we get as much joy and love from healing our anti-Blackness as we love and enjoy watching Buffy. We remember that we Love Indigenous Freedom, we Love a Free Palestine, as much as we Love Buffy...

...And Nikki Wood.

SHOW NOTES:

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TRANSCRIPT COMING SOON.