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Divorce can knock the wind out of the protector identity many men carry. We explore what happens when that role shakes, why so many dads go silent, and how outcome-oriented coaching can turn conflict into a proving ground for empathy, clarity, and calm co-parenting. 

In this DCA Podcast episode, Tracy welcomes JH Harper, a DCA-certified ADR divorce coach and executive communication coach, who works primarily with fathers. Together we get practical about the tools that actually help: the three phrases men struggle to say without a caveat (“I’m sorry,” “I don’t know,” “I need help”), cognitive empathy through role-play, and the SCARF model for mapping triggers around status, certainty, autonomy, relatedness, and fairness.

We dig into the stories men tell themselves—about failure, blame, and masculinity—and replace them with questions that move things forward. What kind of dad do you want to be in five years? What experience do you want your child to have at big milestones when both parents share the room? Instead of staring at the obstacle, we focus on future mapping, micro-scripts for hard conversations, and agreements that stabilize kids’ routines. JH shares how fatherhood becomes a live wire to empathy and purpose, and why “combat is optional” can be a north star during negotiations and co-parenting.

You’ll hear honest talk about the loneliness men face, shifting gender roles, and the subtle ways language in the divorce space can exclude fathers. Most of all, you’ll get a playbook for redefining strength as accountability, presence, and calm leadership. If you or a dad you love is navigating separation, this conversation offers a way to lift your eyes from the rear-view mirror to the horizon line of a healthier family dynamic.

If this resonated, share it with someone who needs it, subscribe for more real-talk on divorce and conflict, and leave a review to help others find the show. Your feedback shapes future conversations.
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JH Harper is a DCA® Certified ADR Divorce Coach. A former journalist, he is also an executive coach who works with high-profile leaders globally on communications principles. He lives in New York City. 

To follow and connect with JH:

Divorce Transition Coaching For Men: Website 

The Good Change: Substack newsletter

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/divorcecoachfordads 

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com