Every couple needs a "we" or a third thing—a focal point that exists not solely within one individual but rather something shared between them. Something cherished mutually, binding them together. There is an article by American poet Donald Hall, that left a lasting impression on me. The article is called “The Third Thing.” In it, Hall and his wife Jane Kenyon, also a poet, moved to a rustic farm in Vermont with a pond. The pond magnetized them and created a unit of belonging. It, and the poetry they wrote there, became their third thing. He described how, rather than staring into each other’s eyes, their gazes met and entwined as they looked at the water. Since reading that article, I have always held the idea that the third thing for a couple is essential. It is not an adornment, it is not icing on the cake, it is a central form of companionship. A practice of double attention. The third thing doesn’t have to be anything extraordinary, but it does need to be there. When a couple discovers their third thing, it's akin to finding a shared vision that will fortify their bond and endure over time.

Important links:

• Article “The Third Thing” by Donald Hall 


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