Where is the Line?
Update: 2024-04-30
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Description
This week on BMND, Kail and Vee share some coparenTEA from a listener who's frustrated that her young son was given food without her permission. Kail opens up about feeling unfairly relied upon in one of her coparenting relationships. They explore a thought-provoking Parents.com article where a divorced dad faces the reality of carrying the entire mental load of parenting. The hosts share their insights on Keke Palmer's viral tweet about cheating and spark a discussion on the ethics of fabricating stories for views. In Down in the DMs, a listener grapples with the decision of whether to reveal to her ex's family that he's keeping their daughter a secret.
Make sure to check out our Instagram @babymamasnodramapodcast! And check out Kail and Vee for more!
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Transcript
00:00:00
(upbeat music)
00:00:02
- Baby mamas.
00:00:17
- Hello.
00:00:18
- Baby mamas.
00:00:19
- Good morning.
00:00:20
It's so weird 'cause we haven't recorded on a Friday and like forever.
00:00:24
(laughs)
00:00:25
So I'm like, oh my God, this feels like back in the day when we were always recording on Fridays.
00:00:30
Like I'm like, oh, it was the best 'cause I was always in a good mood on Friday.
00:00:33
(laughs)
00:00:34
- It's the end of the week, baby.
00:00:35
This week has been absolutely insane and I am so ready for the weekend 'cause I think it's gonna be like, sort of chill, just like back to the regular like.
00:00:45
- Yeah, it's gonna be really kind of thing.
00:00:46
- It's gonna be so nice too.
00:00:48
We're gonna, we're gonna, we're going to the outlets this weekend to like go shopping.
00:00:51
So I can't wait for that.
00:00:53
- Mm.
00:00:54
- We gotta go summer shopping for these kids and for me.
00:00:56
(laughs)
00:00:58
- For these kids.
00:00:59
- And I think there's, have you ever been to lefties?
00:01:02
- No.
00:01:03
- It's like a bowling alley and they have like really good food and stuff.
00:01:06
So they have one in Rohobe.
00:01:07
They have one down by the beach.
00:01:10
- Oh.
00:01:10
- So I was like, I really wanna go there since we're ready gonna be down there.
00:01:13
So yeah.
00:01:14
Probably just like take the kids there and then Sunday I have to go to Jersey 'cause I have my appointment Monday in Brooklyn for my dentist to get my stitches out.
00:01:24
- You have stitches?
00:01:25
- Yeah, I had them in my mouth when I did the gum procedure.
00:01:30
I have them all in my mouth.
00:01:32
- Why did they give me stitches though?
00:01:34
- Because it was, it's a long story.
00:01:36
Some people need stitches, some people don't go because my bone, I had so much like bone in my gum.
00:01:40
- 'Cause I had the same procedure and I didn't, I didn't.
00:01:44
- Well they had to, 'cause my teeth were so like up and down.
00:01:46
So my gums were not leveled out.
00:01:49
So like they, he had to like do that whole thing where and now my gums look amazing.
00:01:53
Like everything looks even.
00:01:55
- Yeah.
00:01:56
- And like it looks so freaking good, but it was terrible.
00:01:58
Like these past two weeks have been insane.
00:02:00
Like I haven't barely been able to eat or anything 'cause it's like, it's annoying.
00:02:06
- Yeah, because I can imagine them.
00:02:07
- Yeah.
00:02:08
- Which is a frustrating.
00:02:09
- Oh.
00:02:10
- But you're not really done.
00:02:12
- Well, I hope that you have like a good procedure on Sunday because I don't teeth the stuff always sucks until it's all done.
00:02:19
- Yeah, well Monday he's just checking to see how it healed and everything.
00:02:22
Like I'm already healed and like I'm on my third week.
00:02:26
So I think he says that it takes at least like five to six weeks, but I was like fine.
00:02:31
Like I had no, like I barely had any swelling.
00:02:35
I had no pain, but I was like taking the medication and stuff but he said some people go through it and it's like really bad for them.
00:02:40
But I was like going through life like nothing.
00:02:42
Like the next day after the procedure, I was fine.
00:02:44
Like and he was like, I guess you're good, like you're healed.
00:02:46
So they just have to now like I have to go back and like check up and everything.
00:02:50
And then I'll get my my temporary's done in two weeks.
00:02:53
- Period.
00:02:54
- Period.
00:02:55
- Having a hot girl summer.
00:02:57
- I know I'm so excited.
00:03:00
- On an unrelated note, thank you to every single person who voted for Baby Momma's No Drama for the Webby Awards.
00:03:07
We won the People's Choice Award for the Webby's in the Lifestyle section.
00:03:11
And we're so grateful because that's the second year in a row.
00:03:15
- I know, this is our second year in a row.
00:03:17
I was just saying I was telling my mom was like, I'm running out of space on my like standard.
00:03:23
'Cause we have all these awards.
00:03:24
And then they also give us the awards.
00:03:26
Like if we get nominated for anything, like I know for the People's Choice, even if we're nominated in anything, they send you an award for that.
00:03:32
So I'm like, I'm putting that shit up.
00:03:33
Like I don't care if it's just the nomination award.
00:03:36
Like do you have your nomination award?
00:03:37
Like for show two, I do too.
00:03:39
Like that's still like an honor in and of itself.
00:03:42
So I have like 100%.
00:03:43
We have all these awards on our shows.
00:03:45
Actually just brought the ones for the office here.
00:03:47
'Cause I'm gonna try and do some stuff in my office.
00:03:49
But it's like crazy.
00:03:50
It's so crazy.
00:03:51
I'm like, damn, how many more awards are we gonna get?
00:03:54
Like in the next couple years, we're gonna need like three damn books.
00:03:57
- Three damn books.
00:03:58
- Okay, so I'm all over.
00:03:59
Thank you guys so much for guys for us.
00:04:02
- Yeah, it was kind of crazy to think about.
00:04:05
All right, so we're gonna hop in with a co-parenty.
00:04:09
I'm gonna read it.
00:04:11
It says, "Hi, I'm being kale.
00:04:12
"I love you both and have been a follower "of you both since the beginning.
00:04:16
"I really enjoy listening to Baby Mama's "well, really all of y'all's podcasts Monday through Friday.
00:04:21
"I look forward to listening every day.
00:04:23
"It's so cute.
00:04:24
"Just a little background, my husband has 14 and a half "boy/girl twins from a previous marriage.
00:04:30
"Diologically, the twins are my husbands "as his ex was able to conceive.
00:04:34
"So they had to use an egg donor.
00:04:37
"They're marriage dissolved in 2012.
00:04:39
"And my husband met in August 2015.
00:04:42
"We married in October 2017, "and had our son through IVF in May, 2020.
00:04:48
"This past week in my husband and I "were at his son's travel baseball tournament "with his daughter and our son.
00:04:53
"The twins mom was also at the tournament "and gave our son food without asking my husband or myself.
00:04:58
"I have a problem with this because she won't talk to me "or my husband.
00:05:02
"Additionally, she has no idea of my son's allergies "or food restrictions.
00:05:06
"It's not the first time and just really bothered me.
00:05:08
"Now for the question, how do you feel "about people giving your child food "without asking the parents?"
00:05:13
"How old is the kid?"
00:05:15
"Had our son in May.
00:05:21
"Oh, had our son in May of 2023.
00:05:23
"So he's only just about a year old."
00:05:26
"A year old."
00:05:27
"That would really bother me.
00:05:29
"That would really piss me off."
00:05:33
- Yeah, I don't think I give...
00:05:34
I don't give little children food, candy, drinks, nothing because of this.
00:05:40
Like, I'm so scared.
00:05:42
We actually went through this 'cause I, obviously I've never been in position where any of our kids don't have allergies.
00:05:47
Like, BB doesn't have any, I think doesn't really have any, doesn't have any.
00:05:50
So I've never been in a position where I've been super worried about that until I met one of BB's friends, Eleanor.
00:05:57
She has a, like a severe Trina allergy.
00:06:00
Like, and Trina is like in everything.
00:06:03
Like, I never realized until I was like, holy shit, like, this is insane.
00:06:06
And her mom, like, she's my friend.
00:06:08
So she, like, educated me on so much.
00:06:10
So she even taught me how to use an Epipen because she goes through so much.
00:06:14
And I felt so bad 'cause at one, like, BB's first birthday that she ever attended, she wasn't able to, like, really eat the cake that I bought or, like, the cupcakes are eating.
00:06:22
So I felt so bad, but that wasn't something that I was normally thinking about, you know?
00:06:26
Like, I just got from my regular bakery, anything.
00:06:28
And then, so after that, I felt so bad.
00:06:31
So now I only get stuff from, like, a nut-free bakery and everything because I don't want her to ever be excluded.
00:06:39
- Yeah.
00:06:40
- But to say that, like, it's like, I learned so much from then, like, I'm even, I think about that all the time.
00:06:45
Like, I don't wanna give anyone something and God forbid they have a reaction or anything like that, or I will just ask the parents.
00:06:51
Like, it's so easy to just ask the parent.
00:06:53
Like, can I give, I don't think I've ever, like, even consciously, like, gave someone something and didn't ask the parent first.
00:07:00
- I mean, truthfully, I'm not feeding nobody's kids, so.
00:07:02
- Yeah, there's, like, - I'm not feeding nobody's kids.
00:07:06
- I'm talking about, like, - I'm talking about you, you fed VV when she went to your house.
00:07:11
- But she knows she has no allergies, and she knows.
00:07:13
- She was, you know?
00:07:14
- Yeah, she wasn't a toddler.
00:07:15
Like, you know what I'm saying?
00:07:16
- Well, was she a toddler?
00:07:17
I guess I fed her when she was-- - No, she was, like, six, six, seven.
00:07:21
- Said, oh, okay.
00:07:22
- Four or two, yeah, she's been in your house plenty of times, like.
00:07:24
- Well, like, she was older.
00:07:25
You know what I mean?
00:07:26
- Yeah.
00:07:26
- Until I knew.
00:07:27
And so I feel like, if you're around, if you're comfortable enough to feed someone's kid, you know their allergies and stuff.
00:07:34
I guess that's more so what I mean?
00:07:35
Like, VV without my house, like, I knew she was old enough she could tell me, like, I also think that when you have those severe allergies or any allergies in general, people generally teach their children as I have been experienced with Lincoln very much knows that he is so allergic to bees.
00:07:52
So he knows he has epipensate with me, epipensate school, epipensate with his dad.
00:07:55
Like, he knows, right?
00:07:57
And since we found out, he's known.
00:07:59
My nephew, who's one of his best friends, not really my nephew, has a severe treatment allergy as well.
00:08:04
And when I had him for the first sleepover that we had, his mom texted me and was like, just so you know, he has like the severe treatment allergy, whatever, whatever.
00:08:13
And I was like, thank you.
00:08:14
So like, I just feel like, typically the kids know too, but when they're one, why don't you even feed a one-year-old that you don't are not close enough to be feeding?
00:08:24
Do you get what I mean?
00:08:26
- Yeah, because she said they don't even talk, like they don't talk to her or anything, right?
00:08:30
So like, that's just a question.
00:08:32
You're giving my child anything.
00:08:33
I'm just gonna be like, don't, just don't do it.
00:08:37
(laughs)
00:08:38
- Don't even bother me.
00:08:40
- Don't even bother me.
00:08:40
- Yeah, like, stop being fucking weird.
00:08:41
Like, don't, if you can't even have a word with me, don't even bother even seeing, like, trying to feed my child better yet, like, trying to be, I don't know, that's just weird to me, I don't like that.
00:08:52
- Agreed, I agree with that.
00:08:53
- But also, like, I think, do the teachers at like, the kids' schools that your kids go to, do they all, do they do training and stuff for like epipens?
00:09:02
Because my friend actually had an issue with that too.
00:09:04
Like, and I know when I worked at the daycare, they only did CPR training for us.
00:09:09
Like, I don't ever remember getting epipen training, none of that, like, how to administer an epipen.
00:09:15
I had no idea how to do that.
00:09:16
And now that I'm looking back, I'm like, that is fucking insane.
00:09:20
- Scary.
00:09:20
- Like, that's scary.
00:09:21
What if one of my kids had a reaction and I had no idea how to react or what to do?
00:09:25
Like, I think sometimes the parents would bring in, like, if they had other, they would bring an epipen stuff, but I had no idea how to administer an epipen.
00:09:32
So I feel like that should have been done.
00:09:34
Like, they should always be CPR certified, like, epipen, like, you should be able to administer an epipen.
00:09:40
And my friend had to basically fight for that, fight for her daughter for that in her school for like, the teachers to know, all her teachers still understand and know the severity of like her allergies and how to administer an epipen for her.
00:09:52
- I learned about how to administer an epipen as an adult, so literally, when I was 22, I became friends with Kristen and she has so many allergies that her mom taught me how to use an epipen as a fucking adult.
00:10:06
And then I hadn't even heard of an epipen until I was like 22.
00:10:11
Like, when I met Kristen, is when I heard about an epipen.
00:10:14
And then a lot of this is where I get upset with parents, guardians, caretakers.
00:10:20
I was very, very, very close to someone over the last few years who had such severe allergies, like to fruit,
00:10:30
to nuts, to so many things, right?
00:10:33
Both person and parent, never really carried an epipen.
00:10:39
And the one or two times I saw the epipen, it was very, very much expired.
00:10:44
And so for me, I'm like, I'm not, so you're, it's like one of those things where it's like, okay, are you administering it because you know how, but you know it's expired.
00:10:55
So now there's like a whole situation with that.
00:10:57
I'm scared that you're gonna fucking sue me because I administered a expired epipen.
00:11:04
So you know the crazy, the reason why I say that is because Lincoln said to me, what's today Friday?
00:11:10
I had him on Sunday.
00:11:11
Lincoln said to me on Sunday, something about his epipens.
00:11:14
That's how like aware he is.
00:11:16
And I said, you know what, thank you for reminding me because your expiration is about to be up.
00:11:20
I need to go get you new ones.
00:11:21
That is so scary to me in this day and age two is like not only is it allergies and epipens, do not, do not, do even know how to administer them.
00:11:29
And then further are they expired?
00:11:31
'Cause I, everything has an expiration date and I'm not about to get sued over that shit.
00:11:34
So I don't know like what that looks like.
00:11:37
- Yeah, no, that's like my, she's on top of stuff all the time because like, that's been her whole life, like her, she's been, she's like severely allergic to so many things.
00:11:45
So anywhere she takes her and I'm like, that's just such a, like I feel, I almost, sometimes I feel so bad for her 'cause I'm like, that's just such a stress that like she takes, she has to take on because she doesn't want anything bad to happen to her daughter.
00:11:57
So it's like all this extra shit that she has to think about when she goes to birthday parties, when she attends, even like if they, if someone is like, you know how sometimes kids bring stuff to the school, like for their birthday parties, like cupcakes and stuff like that.
00:12:08
Like if they're doing that, sometimes she can't participate.
00:12:11
If they, you know, she's to, she's like paranoid 'cause she's like, I don't know what parents are bringing in, like unless I'm there and like actually checking it and know, like that would be me too.
00:12:20
I'd be like, I don't want her eating anything unless I know, like it is not free, like where it came from, like it's just so fucking scary.
00:12:27
Like it's, and I've seen her go through so much shit with it.
00:12:30
So I've gained so much more respect and I've like wanted to educate myself more about it 'cause I was like, people go through so much with like calories in general and just being in these circumstances where it's like,
00:12:42
sometimes they can't even participate or like eat the foods that are at places, you know?
00:12:46
- Oh, I know creed school, which all the kids went to is not free.
00:12:50
So you can't, you can't pack Nutella anything, Nutra grain, not Nutra grain.
00:12:55
Nutella anything, any type of bar with Nut, you cannot have nuts at all, which is kind of frustrating 'cause I was like, you know, when Lux was a kid, all he would eat was the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for a lunch,
00:13:05
thankfully he's expanded his palate.
00:13:07
But, and I think I gotta notice from Lincoln's school that herk, I don't know if all the school is not free, but I know Lincoln's classroom specifically, isn't it, is not free?
00:13:18
So if you send something for a birthday party, it has to be not free.
00:13:22
But again, it's like, when you say not free, 'cause it has to be store bought, can it be from home?
00:13:26
What if it touches something that has not?
00:13:28
Or like, you know, 'cause I remember the kid that I was just talking about, about the expired epiphen could smell anything with nuts, literally from a mile away,
00:13:38
because the kid was so hyper aware that I was like, oh my god, that's crazy.
00:13:44
- Well, that's from my friend Tommy, she said it could be nut free, but is it, like, is it being done in a nut free facility?
00:13:50
So that's when I had, I switched my big reason, I'm like, okay, and like, I know that this is a nut free facility, like they don't really do anything that has to do with nuts or anything.
00:13:58
So it's like so different.
00:14:00
But I'm like, oh my gosh, I just feel so bad.
00:14:02
Like, I don't know, I would be upset about this, and I would just, I don't know, like should she say something?
00:14:09
Like, I would say something.
00:14:10
I'd be like, can you please not give my child food?
00:14:13
Like, please don't give, please don't feed my child.
00:14:15
Maybe have the husband do it.
00:14:17
- Yeah, I guess so, 'cause there'll be a little, or he'll be a little more matter of fact probably.
00:14:23
- 'Cause I'm, if it doesn't go well when the husband says something, at that point, I would be like, hey, please don't.
00:14:30
Or matter of fact, I'm probably not gonna just have my kid around you, because I don't even want the confrontation, to be honest.
00:14:35
- Yeah, and this is a situation where I'd tell my child, usually, I mean, he's like one, so I don't know how much he understands, but I would just be like,
00:14:46
don't take any food from him or her.
00:14:48
Like, I would just have that conversation with my child, if they were like-- - I agree.
00:14:51
- Yeah, so that's it.
00:14:53
(gentle music)
00:14:56
- Hey, y'all already know that your baby mama is far skims, fanatics.
00:15:04
We absolutely love skims.
00:15:07
I've been wearing skims for a couple of years now.
00:15:11
Like, I love their leggings, their bodysuits, when they started off with leggings and their bodysuits, love them, and I just recently tried another one of their t-shirts.
00:15:21
It's the best fitting tee I've ever worn.
00:15:23
I actually have it on my LTK.
00:15:26
Skims just makes the best basics and foundations from cropped silhouettes to long sleeve layering tees.
00:15:32
There's a style for literally everyone.
00:15:35
And my cotton jersey t-shirt that I've been wearing is, it's so good.
00:15:40
Like, from that one to the soft-moving t-shirt, like, I think these are the most flattering t-shirts that I've ever worn.
00:15:45
And they're just so comfortable.
00:15:46
I like to just throw on a t-shirt and maybe some sweatpants or some leggings when I'm going to run errands.
00:15:52
And it's just like a more casual wear.
00:15:54
And the fabric is just so smooth.
00:15:56
I could wear it while, you know, running for errands, or I can also dress it up for like a night out.
00:16:01
So you can do both.
00:16:03
I also wear it out to dinner.
00:16:04
Like, you can wear it with like a blazer and like some jeans.
00:16:08
It's just, it's chef's kiss, I'm telling you.
00:16:10
So some of my favorites are the soft-moving seamless t-shirt.
00:16:13
I got that in the color marble.
00:16:15
And then the boyfriend t-shirt, oh my gosh.
00:16:17
This, you could use this to go out, but I also used this to sleep because it is that comfortable.
00:16:21
And I got that one in Onix.
00:16:23
So it's like a black.
00:16:24
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00:16:28
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00:16:31
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00:16:33
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00:16:35
We sent you your baby mamas.
00:16:37
After you place your order, select podcasts in the survey and select our show in the drop down menu that follows.
00:16:42
[MUSIC PLAYING]
00:16:45
Speaking of moms and dads and things, I wanted to talk to you.
00:16:54
I know that you're not going through a, you're not co-parenting, right?
00:16:57
But I'm sure that you have friends that are co-parenting.
00:17:00
I co-parent.
00:17:02
There was this whole thing on TikTok about providing the other parent with necessary information,
00:17:13
right?
00:17:14
And I think for me in my certain situations, there is necessary information that I need to share.
00:17:21
And then there is accessible information that both of us have access to get.
00:17:26
I'm not, I'm choosing.
00:17:28
And call me an asshole.
00:17:30
I don't give a fuck.
00:17:31
I'm not sending you things that you have access to, right?
00:17:35
Yeah.
00:17:35
It's something that I-- Both of you?
00:17:37
Yeah.
00:17:38
If it's something that only I got, you know, it came home with me or it's something that only I have access to, I'll share that with you because that's necessary.
00:17:47
Don't ask me about school schedules when you can go on the fucking website and you can look up-- you know what I do in the beginning of the school year?
00:17:54
Before the school year starts, I go through the entire school calendar and I mark off to Kristen and to myself.
00:18:00
Every single weekend, that is a four day weekend, three day weekend, Fridays off, Monday off, in service, exact dates for winter break, Thanksgiving, spring break.
00:18:10
I do that at the beginning of the year before anything happens, right?
00:18:13
I know everything-- Everything.
00:18:15
Because they also have a lot of days off, so I need to know what days like VD has off and shit.
00:18:20
So for me, it's really frustrating when someone says, "Oh, you didn't give me that information."
00:18:27
Or one of my girlfriend just texted me and said that her children's father was like, "Oh, it takes five minutes to send a text about whatever schedule they have going on."
00:18:37
No, she sent that schedule to you three months ago.
00:18:40
So it is not her job to then follow up.
00:18:42
You know what they have going on.
00:18:43
You know one of the kids' situations, they messaged me, or they called the kids and was like, "Oh, do you have blank today?"
00:18:53
And my son was like, "No."
00:18:55
And in my head, I obviously didn't interject, but it's like, "I gave you the schedule.
00:19:01
You should not-- you don't have to ask because you already have that."
00:19:04
Yeah, no, I agree.
00:19:05
I think like, as far as anything, I know in here, you had like school lunches and stuff like that.
00:19:12
Like lunch account and specific things like that.
00:19:15
Like, I also think it's your responsibility to make sure that the school has your phone number, your email address, like both of parents.
00:19:23
Like I think they should be contacting both parents because also schools don't know like if kids are going back and forth through parents' house, that they don't have to know that information.
00:19:32
You know, so you have to be the one.
00:19:35
My kids' schools, when you register for kindergarten, they ask, "Do you have a custody order?"
00:19:40
And if so, you have to provide it.
00:19:42
Really?
00:19:43
Yes.
00:19:45
Because if there's ever-- I've never heard of that.
00:19:47
If there's ever a discrepancy and high conflict situations where one parent goes to pick up and the other parent comes to-- because that happened before, where I went to go pick up.
00:19:57
And they were like, "Oh, he never came."
00:20:00
And I was like, "What?"
00:20:01
And in the custody order, it was my time.
00:20:03
So there's very-- And I guess not all schools do that.
00:20:07
I mean, it's definitely not their job, but they have to know because if it is high conflict or something like that, or if there's a PFA in place, and the other parents are allowed to be around.
00:20:15
So I didn't know that all schools didn't do that.
00:20:17
Your school doesn't do that.
00:20:19
But maybe you've never got-- You know, like in the paperwork, it says like who's in your household, so maybe that.
00:20:25
But they don't ask like specific things like for-- they've never-- I've never seen that before.
00:20:30
Yeah, when I sold out all the paperwork.
00:20:32
Let's see, that's better because then they kind of understand like if they're going-- if anything ever happens with that child, they go in their files.
00:20:38
They know, OK, I don't know what schedule this child is on.
00:20:42
So I immediately need to contact like both of the parents.
00:20:45
Like I just think both parents should be like just reached out to in general, but it's still your responsibility to have like those days in place to know lunch schedules.
00:20:55
And like I said, it's so easy.
00:20:56
Like if I can go online and go look it up, like you can do the same exact thing.
00:21:01
Like I'm not going to-- it's just extra-- it's like an extra mental load for me to keep up with the shit I'm keeping up with.
00:21:07
And then you better keep up with too.
00:21:08
Like I'm not your secretary.
00:21:10
Like I'm not like-- I'm not doing that.
00:21:12
And I don't expect-- like I don't expect anyone to do that for me.
00:21:14
Like that's my fucking job as a parent.
00:21:16
Like so that's your job too.
00:21:17
Like I think equally, that's how it is.
00:21:19
Well, we didn't fight for all the equality and parenting up until 2024 for you to just not do.
00:21:27
If you want 50%, or you want to be involved, you need to be doing those things.
00:21:31
I'm not your secretary.
00:21:32
Further, we're not together.
00:21:33
So I'm not going to-- even I'm definitely not going to do it then.
00:21:36
But I just get really frustrated with that.
00:21:39
I'm not.
00:21:39
I'm really frustrated too.
00:21:41
I don't like having to be-- And you know what?
00:21:45
I think-- I don't know if like there's some time-- there was a time when like VV-- something happened with VV.
00:21:52
And I didn't get a phone call.
00:21:53
Like joke out the phone call.
00:21:55
And I was pissed.
00:21:56
Like I was really upset because I understand like he-- but he didn't know that I didn't get the phone call.
00:22:02
I think they probably just get a hold of whoever-- they call whoever.
00:22:06
And then if they answer, they don't call the other parent.
00:22:08
Well, I had no miss call from the school.
00:22:10
I had no voicemail.
00:22:11
And usually like they will leave me a voicemail or something.
00:22:14
And I had gotten nothing.
00:22:15
When they're young too, it's like a weird-- the thing is that it's probably because you guys are married.
00:22:22
And it's not a split household.
00:22:24
And I don't know if they consider that.
00:22:26
We're like if it's a split household, it's kind of like-- I mean, I don't know for sure.
00:22:31
Oh, actually, maybe I'll ask my friend.
00:22:32
She works in the school district.
00:22:34
I'm going to ask her about that.
00:22:35
Like, how do they decide?
00:22:36
Maybe.
00:22:36
Because you would be probably-- if you filled out the people work, your parent won.
00:22:40
I am, I'm always parent-- like I make sure I'm parent.
00:22:43
You know what I mean?
00:22:44
So it would be weird if they just like didn't call parent one and they only call parent two.
00:22:48
But that actually happened with Joe one time with me in Isaac.
00:22:52
And I was very-- I was like, are you-- and I know that it was Joe's time.
00:22:57
But also, it was something that-- two different scenarios that were very severe.
00:23:02
One of them, they didn't call me at all, but Joe called-- it was when he split his lip open.
00:23:06
He didn't go to the ER.
00:23:08
And then the second one was when the incident happened in seventh grade at the end of the year.
00:23:14
We don't have to go back into that.
00:23:15
But I guess they asked him, who do you want me to call?
00:23:20
And he said, whoever.
00:23:22
And I think a lot of times kids want their mom.
00:23:25
It's like not saying that their dad is any less than-- No, I'm sure if you asked, baby, she would immediately be like, you know, my mom, you know?
00:23:32
And it's not anything like Joe.
00:23:34
No, no, no, no.
00:23:35
I think it's-- Yeah, exactly.
00:23:38
And that's just how it is with us.
00:23:40
So the parents.com did an article.
00:23:44
And it said, divorce dad gets a reality check about what it's like to carry the mental load.
00:23:48
And I thought that was interesting because this really kind of fits into what we're talking about.
00:23:53
So after three kids, a divorce, 20 years of parenting, he says, you know, new parenthood presents a tipping point,
00:24:03
right?
00:24:03
Like, no matter how you are kind of juggling all the things, right?
00:24:07
He said when he was married, the mantra was dividing conquer, which actually just posted a TikTok this morning about a live tonight dividing conquer-- and conquering.
00:24:16
But he basically says that in this situation, when he got divorcing, I'd care for all these kids, the issue brings on the fact that you are in constant communication when it comes to the mental load and parenting,
00:24:30
whether you're together or not, it's constant communication.
00:24:33
There is no-- I'll handle this, you handle this because that's where things get lost, kind of like you just said.
00:24:39
Even though you guys are married, if Joe would have communicated to you, you could have been there too, or you could have decided from there.
00:24:44
But when you get divorced, and you already add the layer of probably not liking each other, especially for a small while in the beginning of this-- Or not even communicating as often.
00:24:54
You're not seeing health hold anymore.
00:24:56
Yep.
00:24:57
Yesterday I had a situation where-- so I'm friends with one of the kids, parents, that was invited to a birthday party.
00:25:04
And from social media, she invited us to the birthday party.
00:25:08
So I already RSVP that we were going.
00:25:12
I get a message from one of the dads.
00:25:15
And was like, so-and-so has a birthday party at this time.
00:25:21
Let me know so I can RSVP yes or no.
00:25:24
And I'm thinking to myself, well, I literally message back.
00:25:28
And I said, what kid we already have a birthday party that day?
00:25:30
Please send a picture.
00:25:32
The response was a picture for what I already told you so I can RSVP yes or no.
00:25:39
Instead of just communicating and being like, it was actually for this kid at this time, I would have been like, oh, actually, I already know.
00:25:46
And I already asked RSVP everything.
00:25:47
Everything is like, you're getting a fucking dopamine hit and ego trip off of withholding information so that you can RSVP yourself.
00:25:58
But I'm friends with the mom.
00:25:59
So I just want to come-- I texted the mom myself.
00:26:01
I said, hey, did you just text the mom?
00:26:03
Because it's not worth like-- Well, because I was just like, hey, did you send birthday invitations to the classroom?
00:26:11
And she was like, yeah, she was like, but I saw you already RSVPed on social media.
00:26:15
And I was like, OK, perfect.
00:26:16
But it's just like annoying because for what?
00:26:20
Like, what is the purpose of that?
00:26:22
Yeah, I don't know.
00:26:23
And I just fit-- I know we talk about the mental load a lot.
00:26:28
And for me, I'm just like, what load?
00:26:31
Like, what mental load do men have?
00:26:35
Like, besides their own load of bullshit?
00:26:37
Like, what load do they-- besides that load?
00:26:41
Like, what load?
00:26:43
Like, I feel like-- I don't know.
00:26:44
It's just like-- because I hear this conversation so many fucking times.
00:26:48
And it's like so many women go through this same shit.
00:26:50
Like, carrying the mental load, like, not feeling like it's being, you know, talked about, or even wanting to contribute to things.
00:27:00
Or maybe you do, but you don't go about it the right way.
00:27:04
So it's like, even if you have these conversations before you have kids with people, I feel like things still change.
00:27:11
They realize so many dads-- I think moms too, but so many dads, like the idea of parenting, but they don't actually want to parent.
00:27:20
And they'll never admit it, or probably even register what that actually means.
00:27:23
But like, you want to be able to say you're a dad.
00:27:25
You want to say, oh, I want kids.
00:27:26
I want kids.
00:27:26
I want kids.
00:27:27
But are you willing to take on the mental load and be an equal parent?
00:27:30
That's the real question, because nobody today is sitting at home doing just the bare minimum, whether it's dad, mom, whatever.
00:27:37
They're not doing the bare minimum.
00:27:38
A lot of people are doing full-time jobs.
00:27:40
Whether they're at home or not, with these kids.
00:27:43
And I think the dads just don't fully grasp that.
00:27:47
I'm really appreciative to Elijah, because with our situation is very different, is zero out of five stars for me on the four-baby daddy thing.
00:27:56
Like, definitely not for me.
00:27:58
Hold on.
00:27:58
Ellis, I just thought it comes down to how they were parented for sure.
00:28:01
And that's why it's so important to have you come with with kids, too.
00:28:05
Yeah, we think that a lot of dads either don't have dads or they see their dads be a very specific way.
00:28:13
And then they are that way.
00:28:15
They have more traits of how they were raised than any.
00:28:18
And this is why I always say, even being in your child's life is-- so they catch on to so much, especially sons with dads.
00:28:27
And I think about this often, like, how does VVC me as a wife, a mom, like in my work environment?
00:28:38
These are all things that I keep in mind, because I know I'm her first role model.
00:28:44
I know she's looking up to me.
00:28:46
I know the things that I'm doing are the blueprint for her.
00:28:51
So it's like, I want to be the fucking best that I can be, because I don't want her to ever feel like what she looked up to wasn't good enough or anything like that.
00:29:02
I want her to be like, my mom-- she taught me how to be such a great mom.
00:29:07
I learned from her how to do great things.
00:29:10
So I'm always thinking about those things.
00:29:12
So I can't do the fucking bare minimum.
00:29:14
I can't.
00:29:15
You've got kids looking up to you.
00:29:17
Yeah.
00:29:18
So that's how I think.
00:29:19
And I think if more people thought about shit like that, you've got kids just being with them is not enough.
00:29:25
You have to be a role model to them.
00:29:27
You've got to show up.
00:29:27
You've got to be present.
00:29:28
Yeah.
00:29:29
You've got to be present in so many different ways.
00:29:31
And it's hard.
00:29:33
And I know things change.
00:29:35
People go through so much shit in life and things like that.
00:29:37
But that's when it's up to you guys to get back-- you've got to talk and get back on the same page.
00:29:43
I've been through it.
00:29:43
I've been in relationship for so fucking long.
00:29:45
It's like the conversations have to be endless, even if you don't want them to be.
00:29:49
Even if you're so annoyed and you're like, we've talked about this a million times.
00:29:53
Well, sometimes you do.
00:29:53
Sometimes you'll have to keep talking about them because shit slips through the cracks.
00:29:57
And that's the last thing you want is to have a non-functioning household.
00:30:02
Because then you can't fucking function.
00:30:04
No, 100%.
00:30:05
100%.
00:30:06
I would say truthfully, like, as the ups and downs that Javi and I have had, we have truly-- like, it would be weird to say it's like my favorite co-parenting.
00:30:19
But I wish that all my co-parenting was like Javi and I's now.
00:30:22
Like, when I tell you, like, there's no-- I don't even know how to describe it to you.
00:30:27
Like, there's just everything.
00:30:32
Because we're-- even though I have the schedule for travel basketball because he's the sports parent, he's still like-- it's harder for me to follow.
00:30:43
So yes, I have it.
00:30:44
And yes, I'm going to get there.
00:30:45
But he also be like, hey, don't forget.
00:30:48
This is on this day.
00:30:48
And I don't know-- I don't know if he's just thinks because I'm not like a sports girly that I'm going to forget or something.
00:30:55
But we're both on the sports app for Lincoln's schedule.
00:30:59
We're both on all of that stuff.
00:31:01
And then we also email about stuff.
00:31:03
We're in constant communication.
00:31:05
And mostly now, it's all respectful.
00:31:10
It gives us a minute to process everything.
00:31:13
It's not an instant text.
00:31:15
It's an email where we have a second to process it.
00:31:17
I don't know.
00:31:18
I really, really respect where we're at now.
00:31:20
And I wish that everyone co-parented the same way that we are right now.
00:31:26
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00:31:29
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00:31:33
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00:31:44
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00:32:19
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00:32:22
I mean, I think it's just go-so-show, not everything is just so different.
00:32:30
And who knows?
00:32:30
Maybe you would get there with the other ones in the future.
00:32:33
Like, who knows?
00:32:34
Because everything is always so up and down.
00:32:38
Circumstances change, changes change.
00:32:41
Whatever the kids are doing changes, it's always so different.
00:32:44
So I hope, too, for your sake that everyone gets there.
00:32:49
And it's just easier.
00:32:51
It's easier.
00:32:52
It's just easier.
00:32:52
We're talking about all the things.
00:32:55
Yeah, it's just easier to have everything like everyone on the same page.
00:33:00
But it's also just not-- sometimes it's just not realistic in that moment.
00:33:05
It won't say that.
00:33:06
It won't get there.
00:33:08
All right, I have something on here that I saw.
00:33:10
Because I know we talk about a Kiki Palmer a lot.
00:33:13
I love Kiki Kiki.
00:33:14
You know, she also-- she won a Webby Award, too, which I'm so happy I love her.
00:33:19
But she tweeted something, and I was like, I got to get kills, thoughts on this.
00:33:23
She said, what's worse, being cheated on or never knowing that you were cheated on?
00:33:28
Oh, God.
00:33:29
Oh, I think-- I know my answer.
00:33:33
Not knowing, I feel, for me.
00:33:36
I feel the same way, because then you're making me up.
00:33:39
For me, I feel like people can always say like, oh, don't ask, don't ask, don't tell.
00:33:46
Don't think like, if you're going to do your shit, I better not fucking find out.
00:33:49
But it's like for me-- You're making me look stupid.
00:33:51
Yeah, I'm like, if you're going to have me out here, looking dumb, especially if we have the same friend group or things like that, or if you're going to have me around this person,
00:34:02
and I have imagined I have no idea.
00:34:04
Like, for me, it's the respect part.
00:34:06
You have no respect for me.
00:34:07
If you got me out here, in front of these people, looking stupid, I have no idea.
00:34:12
You're still out here claiming me as your girl, but I have no idea that you're cheating on me.
00:34:17
And then everyone-- and it's also that thing of everyone else knows, but you.
00:34:20
Yeah.
00:34:21
Like, if that is so fucking embarrassing.
00:34:23
Well, and, too, I feel like if you know that you're cheated on and you choose to work it out, that's something that you guys are going to overcome together.
00:34:31
There's a sense of trust there.
00:34:33
One that when you fuck up, you can go to your partner.
00:34:35
You can work it out.
00:34:36
And I can choose whether I want to stay.
00:34:38
And I can also choose whether I want to talk about it in order to get through it, because I think a lot of people have to talk about things to like process it.
00:34:45
And I do understand that to some level.
00:34:47
So like, if you had a podcast and you got cheated on and you want to talk about it to like, you know, get-- to get through it, I feel like that's-- that's your choice.
00:34:54
But if you don't know, and you're out here looking like fucking boo-hoo the fool, like, what are you supposed to do?
00:34:59
You're supposed to stay, and you look like you're-- you look dumb.
00:35:05
I can't do it.
00:35:07
It's always just like people's motives for me, too.
00:35:10
Like, if you aren't able to like look me in my face, bring me around your friends, your family, and like, do that behind my back.
00:35:17
And then like, think everything's all hunky-dory.
00:35:20
Like, have me-- I just don't get it.
00:35:22
I don't understand.
00:35:23
Like, I could never have the heart to do that to somebody.
00:35:26
Like, no, I'm cheating on them.
00:35:28
And like, still have them around like my family and friends.
00:35:31
And like, doing things with them actively.
00:35:32
And like, keeping this other person a secret or like, just making me out here and look fucking stupid.
00:35:37
Like, I can't deal with that.
00:35:39
And I don't know why.
00:35:39
Like, I don't understand how men think that that's not going to come and like fight them in the ass.
00:35:44
Afterwards.
00:35:46
Well, they don't.
00:35:48
They don't have enough brain cells to do.
00:35:52
Those things are fighting.
00:35:54
Like, they are fighting for their lives.
00:35:56
I'm telling you.
00:35:58
But I'm like, there was a lot of people saying like, hold on.
00:36:04
Like, ignorance is bliss kind of thing?
00:36:06
Yeah.
00:36:07
And I'm like, I can't think like, like, be-- I'd rather know if you fucking cheated on me.
00:36:13
Like, just fucking tell me.
00:36:15
Yeah.
00:36:15
I'm not one that's going to say here and be like, I'm going to-- like, I want to hear your side.
00:36:24
And like, I want to say, like, no, I'm not going to want to stay.
00:36:27
And I also understand like, sometimes people-- you know people fuck up and things like that.
00:36:31
Like, if it was like a one-time thing or some-- I don't know.
00:36:35
I'm not trying to justify it.
00:36:36
I just know, I think as a human being, I would rather you be honest with me.
00:36:40
And tell me, like, you fucking fucked up and slipped up.
00:36:42
I would respect you more for doing that.
00:36:44
I might not like it.
00:36:45
I may not fucking stay with you.
00:36:46
But I respect that 100 times more.
00:36:48
I guess that's what I'm trying to say is like-- Oh, yeah.
00:36:50
--you just being open and honest with me.
00:36:52
Like, wow, I fucked up.
00:36:53
Because then I know you kind of had like that.
00:36:57
What is it?
00:36:57
Like, the self-awareness?
00:36:58
Like, a conscious?
00:36:59
To-- yeah, or like, a conscious.
00:37:00
Exactly.
00:37:01
Like, if you don't have like a conscious to like, tell me you cheated on me or like, did me wrong.
00:37:07
Like, I just can't-- I can't be with you.
00:37:09
Like, I can't-- like, how am I going to ever-- you can't trust somebody like that again.
00:37:13
Well, because then you also run into the issue of later on finding out that they didn't tell you.
00:37:19
And then it's like, it's new to you.
00:37:21
It's old to them.
00:37:22
And then how do you go-- how do you get through that part of it?
00:37:26
Because it's like, to them, it's like, oh, it happened one time.
00:37:28
It'll never happen again.
00:37:29
But to you, you just found out.
00:37:31
And it's not only the cheating now.
00:37:32
It's the essentially lying and evading-- it's like, eating and abetting.
00:37:35
You know what I mean?
00:37:36
It's like, wow, am I supposed to move on from this when it was so long ago, but I'm just now finding out.
00:37:42
So you're adding insult to injury.
00:37:45
You know what I mean?
00:37:45
Yeah.
00:37:46
And in that time, you made me look stupid because you probably had me out here around people and us together.
00:37:54
I actually saw a TikTok yesterday where this girl-- had you seen the trend where the lady is like, what's the tea?
00:38:00
Like, tell me what's going on.
00:38:01
And then everyone's stitching it with their tea.
00:38:04
The lady who stitches it, she's like, well, the tea is that.
00:38:06
I was in a relationship with this guy for months and months and months.
00:38:09
It was perfect.
00:38:09
We really fell in love.
00:38:10
It was like, lust, whatever, whatever.
00:38:12
And that she brought him home to her family.
00:38:14
And then she also met all of his friends.
00:38:17
So she finds out that through social media, that he's actually been in a relationship for like three years or something.
00:38:23
And all the friends knew about both situations.
00:38:26
And so she's like, oh, my God, I have to tell the girlfriend.
00:38:29
And this is where I'm going to circle back to the part where I say, you don't need to tell the partner anything.
00:38:34
It's not your fucking place.
00:38:35
You don't have to worry about it because grandma-- We'll find us on this all the time, especially in the big group.
00:38:41
She goes to the girlfriend or the wife, whatever she is.
00:38:44
And she's like, hey, just wanted to tell you about me, whatever, whatever.
00:38:49
Evidently.
00:38:50
And I don't know if I believe this part of-- I don't know if I believe them.
00:38:53
I think maybe they presented it.
00:38:54
Like, the other thing, too, is like, if you tell me that my partner cheated on me, and it didn't come directly from them, it looks stupid.
00:39:02
But if you're like, oh, I already know about that, it makes you look stupid because we're on the same page.
00:39:07
That's what I think.
00:39:08
That's where I'm always at.
00:39:09
As long as we're on the same fucking page, and you are telling me what the fuck is going on, whether it's good or bad, I'd rather hear it from you than anyone fucking out.
00:39:19
Yeah, so I could go to the person and be like, he already told me about that.
00:39:24
We're working it out.
00:39:25
We're not working it out, whatever the case may be.
00:39:27
But in this scenario, girlfriend and boyfriend, whatever, they were like, we're in an open relationship.
00:39:35
But I thought that an open relationship was like, everyone was aware of it.
00:39:40
Yeah, both parties need to be aware that you're in a fucking open relationship.
00:39:44
Because then the girlfriend that you've been dating for months, she doesn't know.
00:39:47
So essentially, you're cheating on her.
00:39:50
Yeah.
00:39:51
But you're not necessarily cheating on the girlfriend that you've been with for years.
00:39:53
And so I got frustrated and then you look stupid to all the friends because the friends knew that you didn't know.
00:39:59
So it's like, what the fuck are we doing here?
00:40:01
Like, we're too grown for these games, and I don't understand it.
00:40:04
No, I think people use that open relationship shit to cover up the shit that they're really doing sometimes.
00:40:09
Like, no, you know you're not in a fucking open relationship.
00:40:12
You know that conversation has never happened.
00:40:15
Like, they just literally try.
00:40:17
They're so dumb.
00:40:18
I feel like I've seen so many people talk about this too.
00:40:21
They're like, oh, the man was like, oh, I'm in an open relationship, whatever.
00:40:24
And then none of the parties know that they're in an open relationship.
00:40:27
I've seen TikToks and stuff about that.
00:40:29
But it's like, no, if you're in an open relationship, it needs to be communicated to everybody, all parties.
00:40:35
Like, everyone needs to know what they're getting themselves into.
00:40:39
That's what an open relationship is.
00:40:41
Like, please let me make that decision and don't make it.
00:40:44
Yeah, exactly.
00:40:45
Like, they're all here making decisions for women to like be in these relationships that none of them fucking signed up for.
00:40:51
And then you're causing all this drama and fucking drama to these women.
00:40:55
And then it's getting passed on to like all their other relationships too.
00:40:58
I think that this is why everything is like so fucked up.
00:41:01
Like, what is that TikTok that you sent me the other day about that girl?
00:41:06
What's her name, Brianna?
00:41:07
I've never seen this girl in my life.
00:41:08
But then I just, now it's popping up everywhere for me.
00:41:12
And I don't know like what the hell is going on.
00:41:15
So I have a situation, like one of my situations was like that.
00:41:19
I don't understand, like you have a whole baby mom.
00:41:22
And then you're also in a relationship on and off regardless.
00:41:26
You're on and off in a relationship.
00:41:27
You are, why are you out here getting somebody else?
00:41:31
Like, why would you put yourself in that position?
00:41:35
So what was it that she, the one that you sent me was like the baby, the baby father and the girlfriend, like went to pick her up after she gave birth?
00:41:44
So there's three people in this party, okay?
00:41:47
Okay.
00:41:48
There's baby mama, baby father, baby father's girlfriend.
00:41:55
Please have these clips of like all these things that are going for me.
00:41:59
Okay.
00:42:00
Three, three parties, baby mama, baby father, baby father's girlfriend.
00:42:06
Baby mama and baby father already have two children together.
00:42:10
And then baby father and new girlfriend go to pick up the children.
00:42:17
The girlfriend wakes in the car for like 45 minutes while the dad like plays with the kids and like gets the kids, you know, whatever they need to do.
00:42:23
Maybe they're going to, he's going to pack the night and pack the bag for them to go to his house.
00:42:28
I don't know.
00:42:29
But instead, baby mama and baby father start fucking get pregnant again.
00:42:33
Yeah.
00:42:34
What is wrong with y'all?
00:42:40
Now I'm packing the play pen and her and her shit played with like for a whole time.
00:42:48
Your girlfriend's out in the car like what?
00:42:51
But like you would never have me out here like in a car waiting for you when you're like that's just common fucking sense to like what do you think is really going on in that situation?
00:43:04
Here's the thing for me because I've been in situations where I'm still dealing with the man who I have a child with.
00:43:12
I have acted a fool because I was still dealing with this man, right?
00:43:18
So I've acted a fool.
00:43:19
What?
00:43:20
What am I trying to get out here?
00:43:24
I wouldn't be able to like you wouldn't be able to keep that girlfriend basically is what I'm trying to get up because I would be acting if we're still sleeping together.
00:43:32
You're not and I find out that you're still sleeping with someone else.
00:43:35
Now I'm pissed off because you have made it seem like I'm the only person you're sleeping with as the mother of my children like I'm not sleeping with two people at once.
00:43:44
So for me, it's really hard for me to understand how a man is essentially sleeping with two people with the pot.
00:43:52
Now has one pregnant.
00:43:53
So that is really upsetting.
00:43:54
I can't.
00:43:55
Well the same thing that he's probably telling the baby while he's telling the girlfriend too.
00:43:59
You know, it's always, oh I'm done, we're not together whatever.
00:44:05
That's probably what he's telling her and then the baby mom with the same thing.
00:44:08
I'm not fucking her.
00:44:10
We're not together.
00:44:12
It's the same shit.
00:44:14
He's telling both of them the same fucking thing.
00:44:19
But she needs to be smarter.
00:44:21
Because if you're sitting there waiting like she's like in the car like there's no way.
00:44:28
No because that's wild.
00:44:29
Like that's that's a wild.
00:44:31
I mean, he was really as scenario, couldn't be me, but if that couldn't be me.
00:44:41
She said it was, no, I just don't understand like she, she needs to smart enough because it's like she said I would be busted into that house after five exactly like how 100% how long was shit.
00:44:54
That's what I'm saying.
00:44:55
Like you're waiting in that car for how long you know like that's what I'm like that's there's no fucking way like you I would be blowing up your phone.
00:45:01
I would have been bringing that door.
00:45:02
But you can't keep me in a car for five minutes.
00:45:04
Like I and I hate being in a car waiting for people.
00:45:07
There's no fucking way.
00:45:08
There's no way.
00:45:09
So that's what I'm saying.
00:45:10
She needs to fucking smart enough and like I would have just busted into it.
00:45:14
I would have busted into that fucking house.
00:45:15
I mean like ma'am where like what is going on here?
00:45:19
Yeah, like why are you got me out here looking like a fucking fool like waiting in your car while you're in here fucking your baby want like that's what imagine how she have like walked into them like walked in on them.
00:45:30
Well, I mean that happened to me once it wasn't that would have been a whole another tiktok story for them.
00:45:34
People are also people are saying that they think that they're doing this for views because a lot of people are like now starting to just like they're in on it.
00:45:42
Like they're all like let's just make up these funny fucking crazy stories and like everyone's going to watch our shit.
00:45:49
I don't know though.
00:45:50
A situation like that like it had to be true or there's no way you're just making that up.
00:45:54
You know what I mean?
00:45:55
Like obviously you know like there was this one trigger warning right now.
00:46:02
I saw and it was like this this girl gets on tiktok and she again trigger warning.
00:46:06
She's saying that as a punishment when her and her boyfriend would fight, he would make her watch him slit his wrist.
00:46:12
And so I was like, oh my god.
00:46:16
I don't know about that.
00:46:17
Like how would that do you make someone do that and why aren't you calling anyone?
00:46:20
Well allegedly, allegedly he passes away in front of her.
00:46:26
And I don't know if that was like a real story or not, but she claimed on the video that had millions and millions and millions of views.
00:46:35
She claims that he committed suicide in front of her because it was a punishment.
00:46:40
And I don't know like I was telling Kristen about it because I was so like my jaw hit the floor.
00:46:45
But I also was like, I don't know if this is real or if she's doing this for like for like attention on social media.
00:46:51
And that's the thing like that's I feel like that's been that line.
00:46:56
Like we don't ever know when that line is being drawn.
00:46:59
Like we don't know what's and I know they say like social media isn't real and stuff like that.
00:47:03
But I feel like I can I can easily tell when I'm watching something and I'm like, oh this seems like it's got some like reality to it.
00:47:10
Like this is people like experience it, but then there's also something that I watch and I'm just like, I just get a reaction and like a gut instinct that's like, I think this is just mostly done for the views or something.
00:47:21
And I mean, and I feel bad if it's not because I'm not trying to like invalidate anyone's experiences or like say, but you just never know.
00:47:28
You really don't know on social media like what's actually real and like what's not.
00:47:33
But like that is Trump.
00:47:34
That's traumatizing.
00:47:35
Like that's I just don't know what the difference is not related to the suicide one, but I get satire.
00:47:43
There's like satire.
00:47:44
It's like, where's the line because I feel like the suicide line.
00:47:49
First of all, I don't know that that is an experience that would be appropriate to share on social media because why are you not in prison for calling for not calling 911?
00:47:59
That's what I was thinking.
00:48:00
Like I don't think I mean, but that's just me personally, I wouldn't share something like that on social media, but everyone shares everything on social media these days.
00:48:06
So you don't know like what people aren't are open to, not open to these days.
00:48:11
And like the whole satire thing, like I know there's a lot of people that I follow and they always hashtag in their like descriptions and stuff satire or they describe because people would literally take it the other day, I saw something and I thought it was real.
00:48:22
And I was going to bring it up on here.
00:48:24
And it was a girl that she, her child went on a play date.
00:48:29
The child came over to the house and she sent a memo request to the mom saying like, oh, your child ate, she had a whole list written out of stuff that she charged,
00:48:39
she charged the mom like $36 for the, for the, for the damn play date.
00:48:43
Did you see that?
00:48:45
And everyone was like in the, the comments sections are the funniest part because everyone thinks she's like being for real, but like in the, she makes it known like in her hashtags and stuff.
00:48:54
Like it's just comedy.
00:48:55
Like it's satire.
00:48:56
And people take it, everyone in the comment section shows that people take it the wrong way.
00:49:00
Like they think it's actually real.
00:49:02
Hey, everyone, it's your favorite Jersey housewife, Melissa Gorgah,
00:49:13
and I'm so excited to announce the start of season two of my podcast, Melissa Gorgah on display.
00:49:22
We're taking it to the next level this season with more juicy conversations with my celebrity friends, including my funny, hubby Joe Gorgah.
00:49:30
Plus, all things entrepreneurship, family and parenthood, pop culture, and of course, I'll always spill the tea on what's going on in my world.
00:49:39
It's my life unfiltered.
00:49:41
Make sure to check out season two of Melissa Gorgah on display.
00:49:45
Available on podcast one, Spotify, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
00:49:50
Well, I did that on barely famous the other day I did a just a solo catch up episode.
00:50:07
And I had in my little document, like all the things I want to talk about, and one of them was like this topic, right?
00:50:12
And so I'm like, oh, I'll just like go on the profile really quick, because I can like play the audio or whatever the fuck I did.
00:50:19
That episode was when I realized I've already talked about the topic and mid episode, I was like, you guys are you fucking satire like I'm out here talking about this on a podcast by my fucking self.
00:50:33
And now that was literally about to be me because I was like, oh shit, I got a tail killed is because this ain't no way a bitch is about to charge me for fucking eating Teddy grams on a play date.
00:50:42
Like she had everything listed out like the down to the hand soap that the kid used.
00:50:47
And I was like, there's no fucking way, but in my mind, I thought it was real in the moment because I'm like, people are fucking crazy people are crazy there to be fair.
00:50:55
If someone watched all my children and they charged me, I'd pay the bill because I have an abnormal.
00:51:01
You're like at this point, like I know this is going to be a lot of food, a lot of resources.
00:51:07
So if someone watched all my children, truthfully, if someone watched two of my savage children, I would pay the bill and I know questions asked and I pay the bill alone for VV because she eats like every fucking 10 minutes.
00:51:19
Like she is in that she eats everything and I'm like, bro, stop.
00:51:23
Like what is wrong?
00:51:24
Yeah.
00:51:25
So I would fully, fully understand and not even question it.
00:51:29
Yeah, but it's like, I don't know, that's shit.
00:51:31
There's a lot of that a lot more like satire company and stuff like that on social media.
00:51:35
So, but some people don't like you got to figure it out for yourself.
00:51:39
Some people won't even tell you that it's satire.
00:51:41
Nara Smith actually teeders the line a little bit of satire because I don't know if you paid attention to this, but her voiceovers are the way they are because they,
00:51:53
her voiceovers are to get a reaction.
00:51:55
It's to elicit a response from and so she's kind of playing with our audience a little bit and she's smart for that because people are in raged.
00:52:02
They don't realize.
00:52:03
Even with the way she talks, like, it's so like her voice, it's like soothing, but it's also kind of sending, right?
00:52:09
Kind of sending.
00:52:10
Yeah.
00:52:11
My kids wanted yogurt and so they waited 10 hours for yogurt.
00:52:15
You know what I mean?
00:52:16
So, like that and she's fucking genius for that.
00:52:18
It's funny.
00:52:19
But moving on, let's go down in the DMs.
00:52:22
What?
00:52:23
Yeah, it's going down in the DMs.
00:52:30
Okay, where to start 13 years ago, I had been seeing the now father of my daughter on and off, nothing serious at the time.
00:52:38
Drunken, stupid, ended up pregnant.
00:52:40
The moment I told him that I was pregnant, he confessed he was in a serious relationship for about three years.
00:52:45
I told him I was still having my child with or without his help.
00:52:49
He told me he'd be there financially and in every aspect he could.
00:52:52
We had no communication for my entire pregnancy until the day I was rushed in for an emergency C-section.
00:52:58
He saw him at his daughter that day.
00:52:59
I asked if he told his girlfriend at the time if she knew about him being a father and he said no.
00:53:05
I decided to give him a year to tell her, but obviously I wanted nothing to do with him relationship-wise.
00:53:10
In the meantime, he would only see her daughter maybe once a week if that.
00:53:14
Fast forward a year, I again asked if the girlfriend knew and he said he did talk to her and she was obviously upset that they talked it out.
00:53:20
Okay, I went to pause right there because something tells me he's saying that so she doesn't tell her.
00:53:27
I moved to a different state when she was about one and a half years old.
00:53:30
He saw her maybe twice in five years and then went another five years without seeing her at all.
00:53:34
A few years back, he ended up marrying this woman that was his girlfriend that I mentioned before.
00:53:39
In 2016, he told me he was moving to Florida because his wife was battling cancer and there was better specialists in Florida to treat her.
00:53:46
I offered any possible help me the person I am.
00:53:49
Keep in mind, my daughter has never met his side of the family whatsoever.
00:53:53
Two years ago, I moved to Florida to be closer to family, hoping he'd seek more of our daughter and that wasn't the case.
00:53:58
I found out he had a child with his wife.
00:54:01
I found out his wife is a doctor and when I read in her bio, it said that she moved to Florida in 2016 to start her medical career.
00:54:08
If you have cancer, how are you starting your career at the same year?
00:54:11
He has lied about so many things and I truly believe he lied about her having cancer.
00:54:15
I got upset and asked him if his family actually knew and his wife since none of them have reached out to meet my daughter.
00:54:21
He confessed he never told them and it was all a lie.
00:54:24
I was so devastated for my daughter.
00:54:25
She's been asking more questions about him and I've told her here and there, but not the whole truth.
00:54:30
I do not want to speak bad about her father to her.
00:54:32
Since we moved to Florida, he's seen her about six times in two years.
00:54:36
I found his mom on Facebook and been wanting to reach out to see if she actually knows.
00:54:40
I do not want to mess up a marriage, but I have to think of what's best for my daughter.
00:54:43
What if her other grandparents would love to meet her, but they have no clue she exists?
00:54:47
What should I do?
00:54:48
Should I message his mom?
00:54:49
Should I message his wife?
00:54:50
I feel so bad for my daughter not having that paternal figure.
00:54:53
I love you, girls.
00:54:54
All right.
00:54:55
My popular opinion, but let me tell you my story because this is just like that.
00:54:58
When I found out that I was pregnant with one of my children and it was, I mean, I gave him time, right?
00:55:05
I gave him time to tell his family and he didn't.
00:55:08
So it came to a point that I was like, okay, now it's all coming to a head.
00:55:13
I know that you have been on and off with a relationship and you have not been honest with me.
00:55:17
Not about one relationship, but two relationships.
00:55:19
I was then seven months pregnant, his family still, I think he ended up telling his family when he, when I was around seven months and I met them for the first time when I was seven months pregnant.
00:55:29
Seven or eight months pregnant.
00:55:30
The family?
00:55:31
Yes.
00:55:32
It wasn't for that and I'm pretty sure I gave an ultimatum at that point or he came to me and was like, I'm going to tell them, I literally had a letter type, a letter written to his mother to go in an envelope and send to her address because that's where I was at.
00:55:45
Like, you're not about to have me out here like, don't beg me to keep this child because that was something that I was going through to was like, I don't even now that I know what I know.
00:55:53
And that was like, I was already pregnant at that time and I knew I found out what I found out.
00:55:58
You beg me to keep the child.
00:55:59
I'm keeping the child.
00:56:00
I'm now seven months pregnant.
00:56:01
Seven told your fucking family like, no, we're not playing that game.
00:56:04
Like that's not, you're not going to have me out here like, obviously that was like 25 girl kill.
00:56:09
So it's a little bit different now.
00:56:10
But if it was me, I didn't know at the time, I don't reach out to, well, I did, but I didn't.
00:56:17
I like put the girls in a group chat, but that was different.
00:56:19
So telling his family, for me, if you don't want to mess up a marriage, hopefully by reaching out to the mom, maybe it would stay between the mom and the mother, the mom and the son,
00:56:30
the father.
00:56:31
And then you guys can come up with a plan for how to tell the wife.
00:56:34
Because at that point, I just feel like it isn't fair because you're, you don't know.
00:56:40
Maybe the parent, maybe the grant, maybe she's right.
00:56:41
The grandparents want to have involvement in their grandchild's life.
00:56:45
Exactly.
00:56:46
I was literally about to say my first thing, my first instinct would be to reach out to them wrong.
00:56:50
Like, I would have faced with mention.
00:56:51
I would have said something.
00:56:52
I would have, I would have found her.
00:56:54
I would have been like, let's meet up to talk like I have to tell you something.
00:56:57
Like the mom would kind of be like my first priority because of the grandparents and because of the family on his side that never got to meet their family member.
00:57:06
But I will say, yeah, prepare for the grandparents, mom, dad, whatever, to question paternity.
00:57:14
So also, like, raise yourself for that and also maybe have an open mind because they may ask for a paternity test.
00:57:22
And it's not a question to your character, but you have to, they're going to be blindsided by this.
00:57:28
Mostly, they're going to, this is coming on a left field, a curve ball.
00:57:31
They never saw this coming most likely.
00:57:33
So that's going to be something that they're going to question is like, are you sure it's his?
00:57:37
And it's not that scenario.
00:57:39
I don't feel like is a question to your character because they don't know you.
00:57:42
You know what I mean?
00:57:43
I was literally about to say that's some, that's a situation where I wouldn't be really offended.
00:57:47
I'd be like, I kind of understand.
00:57:48
Like, you don't know me from shit.
00:57:50
Like you really don't fucking know me.
00:57:51
You don't know anything about me.
00:57:52
You don't know my past relationships.
00:57:54
You don't know timeline.
00:57:55
Like nothing.
00:57:56
I would be open.
00:57:57
I'd be like, listen, I understand we can do that, you know?
00:58:00
100% because I mean, they can even just use grandparents, I think.
00:58:04
And it will be like, you know, the DNA or whatever, but that's I would because why are you deprived?
00:58:10
You're depriving your child.
00:58:12
And like whatever you and your mom decide to come to, whether you're going to tell your wife, that's your business.
00:58:17
But why does my daughter have to suffer?
00:58:19
She now doesn't have a father, a present father figure, but also doesn't have an opportunity to have a relationship with grandparents.
00:58:26
And that's not her fault.
00:58:27
And it's not the grandparents fault.
00:58:28
It's because you're a piece of shit.
00:58:30
Mm-hmm.
00:58:31
Yeah, I was about to say, definitely take care of the mother first.
00:58:33
And then as a collective, like as a unit, y'all got to figure out like the wife thing.
00:58:39
And as much as I will say, like, I am someone who, if I was in that situation, I would want to fucking know.
00:58:46
You know, like I definitely would, but there's so many, there's just so many moving parts to this.
00:58:53
And I would feel guilty and I understand what she means by not wanting to fuck up a marriage.
00:58:57
Like, you know, like that's his fault.
00:58:59
Like if there's been so much time that he could have told her, he could have told her in the beginning and they could have probably, you know, like if he was just honest, he wouldn't be in this position where now he's got his wife out here looking stupid because she doesn't even fucking know that he has another child.
00:59:16
So this like gold circles back to the whole, what we were talking about in the beginning.
00:59:20
Like she's out here looking stupid and he doesn't, like he's letting her because he has him told her.
00:59:26
And I think at this point, he's got to do, he's going to have to fucking deal with that.
00:59:29
And it's going to come to light.
00:59:30
Like does he think she's never going to find out?
00:59:32
She's going to fucking find out.
00:59:34
She's going to find out.
00:59:35
She's going to find out.
00:59:36
She's going to find out regardless.
00:59:37
And I hope she does because I just wouldn't want to be that person either in that position.
00:59:43
Like it would feel like the whole, the whole relationship would feel like a lie, you know?
00:59:47
And like what if like, what if she wants, what if she's like, yo, like I want to get to know your daughter, you know, like that's family.
00:59:54
Like why wouldn't, if she's like a, a good woman, she would feel some type of way, you know?
01:00:00
Like she'd be like, why would you hide this for me?
01:00:01
You know?
01:00:02
Like, that's like if Joe never, like had a baby out there and never until this day.
01:00:07
And like, I don't know.
01:00:10
Like, are you fucking kidding me?
01:00:13
There's no way.
01:00:14
Fuck, like how do you feel as a man too?
01:00:17
Like you're keeping secrets from your wife, you're keeping secrets from your parents who raised you.
01:00:21
That's an embarrassment because now your parents are going to look at the situation and be like, I didn't raise you like that.
01:00:26
So you're making them look stupid.
01:00:28
And then now you have this daughter who didn't ask to be here and doesn't have, you know what I mean?
01:00:32
It's so heartbreaking.
01:00:33
Yeah.
01:00:34
Now she's in a situation where, and she could have all these people in her life that genuinely love her.
01:00:38
Like imagine, like these grandparents, like she means cousins, like there could be so much more, like she could have, get so much life from this, you know?
01:00:45
Like it could be one of the best things for her.
01:00:48
And you're holding it back because you want to be fucking stupid.
01:00:52
Like that's heartbreaking.
01:00:54
I always would.
01:00:55
I would start with the mother though.
01:00:56
I definitely would.
01:00:57
I agree.
01:00:58
The message is mom.
01:00:59
First back.
01:01:00
And you ended up.
01:01:01
You ended up.
01:01:02
And let us know what the fuck happened.
01:01:03
Yeah.
01:01:04
Because I want to know this.
01:01:05
Yeah.
01:01:06
I definitely need to know.
01:01:08
I definitely need to know.
01:01:09
So circle back.
01:01:10
We need to update.
01:01:11
Yeah.
01:01:12
I have to get going.
01:01:13
I have to somewhere to be, but I love you.
01:01:15
And thank you for changing the time for me this morning.
01:01:19
And of course we're going to fly you.
01:01:21
It's no problem.
01:01:22
Once again, thank you guys for voting for us for the webbies.
01:01:26
Leave us a review.
01:01:27
Subscribe.
01:01:28
Download.
01:01:29
Follow us on baby mama's drama podcast on Instagram.
01:01:32
And we'll talk to you guys next week.
01:01:34
See ya.
01:01:35
Bye.
01:01:36
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