Parenting is a journey filled with highs, lows, challenges, and joys, especially when raising daughters in today's complex world. In this week's Dads with Daughters podcast we were joined by Evan Porter, founder of the popular parenting blog Dad Fixes Everything and author of the newly released book Dad Camp. He shared his fears and triumphs of being a father, the transition from blogging to writing a novel, and the importance of balancing personal identity with being an engaged parent.

The Emotional Rollercoaster of Fatherhood

From the moment he discovered he was going to become a father, Evan Porter experienced a whirlwind of emotions. Joy, excitement, fear, and self-doubt all mingled as he stepped into the role of parenting two daughters. Describing his initial reaction, Evan reflected, "It’s a blend of having wanted that and planned for that... but also this moment of, 'Oh my god. It’s really happening.'"

Porter was candid about the inherent fears tied to raising daughters. "The world is a very scary place for girls and for women," he shared, articulating a concern many fathers share. While the desire to shield his daughters from every possible harm loomed large, he acknowledged the reality that some things inevitably lie beyond parental control.

Understanding Individuality in Parenting

Evan's experience of parenting two daughters, each with distinct personalities, illustrates the universal truth that no two children are the same. He emphasized the necessity of tailoring his approach to fit each child’s unique needs and characteristics. This challenge to understand and bond with each daughter individually is a common thread in the tapestry of fatherhood.

With his eldest daughter, now nine years old, Porter finds joy in sharing more complex activities, such as teaching her solitaire and exploring new games. On the other hand, playful activities and light-hearted interactions dominate his relationship with both daughters, underscoring the importance of joy and laughter in strengthening family bonds.

The Struggle of Maintaining Personal Identity

One of the profound topics discussed was the struggle parents face in maintaining their personal identity amidst the demands of parenthood. Porter acknowledged a significant challenge: "Losing sight... of who you are outside of being a father." He articulated the struggle many modern dads encounter—the balancing act of hands-on parenting while trying to retain a piece of their pre-parenthood identity.

This theme of identity loss and the quest to reclaim it runs through his novel, Dad Camp. Written during the COVID-19 lockdown, the book explores a father’s journey to rediscover himself while navigating the ups and downs of parenthood. Through fiction, Porter was able to articulate the complex emotions and experiences common to many parents.

The Transition from Blogging to Novel Writing

Porter’s journey from running the blog Dad Fixes Everything to writing Dad Camp highlights an evolution in understanding and expressing the parenting experience. His blog began as an informative resource, answering practical queries new parents often face. However, novel writing allowed him to delve deeper into the emotional and psychological aspects of parenthood. 

Inspired by his experiences and a need for creative expression during the pandemic, Porter found novel writing to be both a cathartic and fulfilling endeavor. The transition allowed him to address the theme of identity from a broader perspective, capturing the essence of fatherhood with authenticity and nuance.

Celebrating Dads in Fiction

Porter’s primary goal in his novel was to offer a relatable and affirming portrayal of modern fathers. He noted that the stereotypical image of the lazy sitcom dad still lingers, overshadowing the dedication and involvement most dads exhibit today. By creating a diverse ensemble of father characters, he hopes to celebrate the multifaceted nature of fatherhood and provide representation that resonates with real-life dads.

As he continues to promote Dad Camp, Porter is already crafting his next literary work, aimed at exploring similar themes of parenthood and identity. His journey as an author and a father is a testament to the continuous evolution and reflection that parenthood demands. Through his writing, Porter hopes to inspire other parents to embrace the complexities and joys of raising children, recognizing the importance of presence, identity, and connection.

In the end, as Evan poignantly observed, "You don’t want to miss out on the hard stuff... It’s not fun, but you’re gonna remember that and you’re gonna wanna have those memories." This candid advice encapsulates the heart of parenting—cherishing the moments, however challenging, and appreciating the journey shared with our children.

You can follow Evan Porter on Instagram and learn more about his work on his website.

 

TRANSCRIPT

Christopher Lewis [00:00:05 ]:
Welcome to dads with daughters. In this show, we spotlight dads, resources, and more to help you be the best dad you can be.

Christopher Lewis [00:00:16 ]:
Welcome back to dads with daughters, where we bring you guests to be active participants in your daughter's lives, raising them to be strong independent women. Really excited to have you back again this week. As always, every week, I love being able to talk to you, to walk alongside with you, and to be able to learn alongside you in regards to this journey that we're on in regard to raising our daughters. I know that I'm not perfect. You're not perfect. None of us are perfect when it comes to being a father, but being a father to a daughter as well. We are always going to have a little bit of gap in between the understanding of their experience as individuals, there's always going to be a little bit of a gap when it comes to the way that we think they think and we can always do something we can always do something daily, to be able to better engage to be able to better bother our daughters. And that's what this podcast is all about.

Christopher Lewis [00:01:08 ]:
Every week, I love being able to bring you different guests, different people with different experiences that can help you to add some tools to your toolbox and to allow for you to be able to to learn, to grow, and to take some things along the way that will help you to be that dad that you wanna be. That's why every week I bring you different guests, different people that with those different experiences. And today, we got another great guest. Today we've got another great guest with us. Evan Porter is with us. And he is the founder of the popular parenting blog, Dad Fixes Everything and author of the new book called Dad Camp. Really excited to be able to have him on today to talk about his own journey as being a father of 2 daughters, and to talk a little bit more about his book and what he's learned along the way. Evan, thanks so much for being here today.

Evan Porter [00:02:00 ]:
Thank you. Thank you so much for having me. I mean, what a great fit. Dads with Daughters is a perfect tie in for the book, and I'm sure we'll get into it. 

Christopher Lewis [00:02:07 ]:
I am excited to have you here today. And first and foremost, 1 of the things that I love to do is I love having the power to turn the clock back in time. So I wanna go back in time. And I know you got 2 daughters. So I wanna go all the way back to the beginning. When you first found out that you're going to be a dad to a daughter, what was going through your head?

Evan Porter [00:02:23 ]:
Oh, wow. I think there's a blend of 1 have you know, having wanted that and planned for that and been trying for that, but also this moment, like, oh my god. It's really happening. Like, it's happening so soon. It's happening so fast. Both of both ends of that spectrum of emotion of being so excited that you got what you wanted and you got what you had planned for, but also being like, woah. Wait. Wait.

Evan Porter [00:02:40 ]:
Wait. I'm not so sure I'm ready. Yeah. You know? Ca